


Missing Moments

by AnxiouslyNumb



Category: Elite (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:08:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 43,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23335147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnxiouslyNumb/pseuds/AnxiouslyNumb
Summary: Just some Samucarla scenes and moments that I thought were missing in season 3.Warning: This story contains Mature and Explicit content. (Strong Language, Sexual Situations, Drug Use,)
Relationships: Carla Rosón Calerurga/Samuel García Domínguez
Comments: 121
Kudos: 195





	1. 3x02

**Author's Note:**

> Available on my Tumblr.

“This is getting creepy, Samuel.”

Carla had been avoiding him all day. His eyes had pierced through her as she walked, talked, played with her phone. And she had tried, she’d really tried not to meet his eyes. She knew it was dangerous. And sure enough, once she’d locked eyes with him, it was done, he followed her inside an empty classroom. She just wanted to be alone.

He ignored her remark, coming to a stop behind her. “What happened yesterday?”

"What do you mean?” she asked, staring at his reflection in the window.

“Carla.”

She smirked, “Samuel.”

He sighed, “You agreed to meet me after school.”

“Did I?”

“You were standing right there, and then you left. What was that?”

He wasn’t going to let it it go, she was going to have to make him, “Oh, right. I had somewhere better to be.”

“Don’t lie to me.” he took a step closer.

“I’m not.”

“Whether you like it or not, I know you, Carla. Just tell me, what’s going on?” another step closer.

She whirled around to face him, crossing her arms, “I’m not lying, Samuel. You just can’t accept the truth.”

“What truth?”

“That this,” she said, gesturing between them, “was a game. A game you played surprisingly well. Time to move on.”

“I said I was sorry, I didn’t want to put you in that position. But I had no choice.”

“No choice?”

“Yes. It was the right thing to do.”

“You could’ve told me,”

“We both know you wouldn’t have agreed to confess,”

“So you manipulate me into doing it?”

“Do you really wanna talk to me about manipulation, Carla? ‘Cause, you won’t hold the moral high ground.”

She let out a mirthless chuckle, “I guess you’re right. Though, I don’t think I was ever that manipulative, or that cruel to you.”

“I wasn’t - ”

“I thought you were dead!”

He flinched at her tone, and then his whole demeanor softened at the pain he could probably see all over her face.

“I know. I’m so sorry. I didn’t - ”

“I’m over it,” she said, raising her chin, “as far as I’m concerned, we played, you won. It was nothing more. End of story.”

His next stride backed her into the glass, “Another lie.”

She tilted her head. “Is it?”

“It might have started as something else.” he paused, his eye blazing, “but we’ve stopped playing a long time ago, and you know it.”

He was way too close, she was starting to lose focus. The burn of his proximity was thrilling and terrifying. She wanted to kiss him so badly. She wanted to pull on his tie, bring him closer, and throw caution to the wind. But that was something she couldn’t afford to do. She could risk many things, but she wasn’t going to risk his life. She could still feel the panic that had risen and settled within her, when she’d thought her father had gotten to him. Never again.

“Samuel,” she started with a mocking voice, “you sound delusional.”

Carla’s hand tingled as she placed it on his chest to push him back. When he didn’t budge, she glared at him; before putting a bit more weight into her shove. He stumbled back a step as she moved around him, heading for the door.

She didn’t get far. He grabbed her wrist and wheeled her back around to face him, “Why are you fighting it?”

“Let go!” she scowled, trying to yank herself away.

“Carla.” his low voice cut through her, as he leaned his face impossibly closer to hers, “if you think I’m buying any of this, you’re the delusional one.”

She huffed as he released her, “Whatever, just leave me alone.”

“It’s your father, isn’t it?”

Her eyes flew to his, “What?”

“He doesn’t want me near you.”

“Obviously.” she rolled her eyes, trying to play it off, “he doesn’t necessarily like the guys I fuck.”

“He threatened you.”

She stiffened, “Samuel - ”

“What, He’s going to kill me if you let me come near you? Is that it?”

“He would never do that.”

He moved towards her, “Just like he didn’t do anything to Christian?”

“As I’ve told you before, he had nothing to do with that.” she wanted to throw up at the echo of her words, “he’s also not the reason why I want nothing to do with you,” she said coldly.

“Yes, he is.” he growled, “it’s always him. And he’s definitely the reason why you lied in court.”

She immediately felt her eyes well up with tears, and quickly looked away from him. She didn’t even want to think about that day.

“Carla - ”

“I’m done talking.” but before she could turn around to leave, his palms rose to her cheeks urgently, gripping her face; as his eyes frantically searched hers.

“But you’re safe, right?”

“I - ”

“He would never hurt _you_ , right?”

“Carla?” he urged anxiously, when she didn’t answer right away.

"Yes,” she finally replied softly, trying to appease his worries, “of course, he wouldn’t hurt me.”

He closed his eyes, resting his forehead against hers. She really needed to get away, she wasn’t strong enough to be that close to him, “I don’t believe you.”

“I don’t care.”

“Carla.”

“I’m fine, Samuel.” she breathed. Physically, at least, she thought to herself.

“Good. Now let’s forget about all of it, okay? I just want to be with you.”

“Which makes you an idiot.” she smiled, her tone gentle and a bit sad.

His eyes opened slowly, half a grin on his kissable lips, “I tend to be one when it comes to you.”

“You should stay away from me, then,” she whispered, her eyes pleading with him.

“I can’t. I don’t want to,” he murmured huskily, his intense gaze dropping from hers, to stare at her lips, his sweet breath brushing over them enticingly.

No, no, no. She couldn’t handle it, if he kissed her.

She softly caught his hands, and slowly pulled them away from her face; before taking a step back, “You have to.”

She didn’t confirm his suspicion, but Samuel wasn’t stupid. He knew what her father would do if he didn’t get his way.

“We are nothing, Samuel. Get over it,” she said with disinterest, turning around briskly.

“Carla, please.”

Before he could do or say anything else, she was gone.


	2. 3x03

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Available on Tumblr (Link in bio.)  
> Warning: Mild Sexual Situations, Strong Language.

She needed to breathe. The air in the club's bathroom was so thick, she was getting dizzy. She closed her eyes, trying to calm her racing heart. She had to put on a show for her Dad and Yeray, and she was sure her last encounter with Samuel, didn't help matters. Her father had definitely noticed them.

With one final deep breath, she braced herself to get out and face the rest of the night.

"The more you're cruel to me, the more I'm sure something is wrong."

She gasped, turning around at his voice, he was standing in the doorway, staring at her. "Really, Samuel? Take a hint."

He shut the door before leaning against it, "It's okay, Carla. I told you I understand."

"Understand what?"

"You." he sighed, looking down, "what you're doing."

"And what exactly am I doing?" she asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"You're being selfless." he looked up then, warm, nervous brown eyes melting her heart. "being the person I fell in love with."

He said it again. He wasn't supposed to say it again. She wanted to keep the firm belief that he was lying, using her feelings for him to get her to testify. She couldn't believe him. She blinked, her heart leaping in her chest, he was making it so hard. She wanted - _needed_ \- him to hate her, so she didn't have to keep pushing him away anymore.

She plastered on a smile, "Wow, you sure are dramatic. You want to fuck me again that badly, huh?"

"Stop!" his voice was hard, as he left his position on the door, advancing on her quickly, "I get it, okay? You don't want this. You don't want to be with me, or can't. I don't care. Just stop being so. . .please just stop."

The way his voice ended on a pained whisper almost broke her. She could see the hurt she was causing him, and it made her insides recoil. It was unfair. The way she fell for him, it was designed specifically to be her undoing. From the start they were doomed, and it was so naive of her to think that after everything that'd happened, she could have him.

"Okay," she muttered, before making a move towards the exit, but he immediately stepped in her path.

"Wait. . .I - "

"What?"

"I hate this." he breathed out, "I hate the way things are."

She hated it too, more than he probably knew. But she kept quiet, afraid that if she started talking, she'd never stop.

"Maybe, maybe we could try and be friends."

Silence. And then a humorless short laugh burst out of her, "That might be the funniest thing you've ever said to me, Samuel."

"I don't know what else to do. What do you suggest?"

"Nothing."

He let out a frustrated breath, running a hand through his hair, "I'm taking what I can get. If it's the only way to have you in my life, I'll take it. But I can't just pretend that we're not. . ." he trailed off.

She was instinctively moving closer to him as he spoke. She couldn't control her movements, his body was almost calling out to hers, her heart jumped as she closed the small distance between them. She slowly raised a hand to grasp his cheek, stroking softly, as she angled her face closer to his. Her other hand was resting over his heart, which was beating so familiarly fast, she could almost hear it.

"Your heart is pounding, Samuel," she whispered, her lips almost brushing his.

"So is yours."

"Yeah. Friends, then?" she asked tauntingly.

"I just miss you." his hands came up to frame her face, his eyes burning into hers, "so much."

"Hmm." that was all she could muster. Her mouth choosing instead to open and run her tongue over his bottom lip softly, as his mouth parted with a small gasp.

Then they both lost it.

His palm slid to her neck, grabbing it firmly with a low growl, mashing his lips against hers. She immediately went for the lapel of his jacket pulling him closer, as she finally got to taste him again. The second his tongue touched hers, she almost wanted to cry. She pushed back hungrily, tongue swirling with his as she gripped his hair tightly.

He groaned, spinning her around and pushing her against the wall. His hands traveled down her sides, hiking up her dress and seizing both her thighs; lifting her up, as she wrapped her legs around his hips.

In her mind, she was only trying to prove they could never be friends with a little seduction.

But it escalated quickly. It was just like them.

What the fuck was she doing?

Stop it now, her mind screamed at her. She didn't know what came over her, it was all just too much. The stress of everything she's been going through, and then he was there, talking to her, being kind and understanding. Then he told her he fell in love with her. And she couldn't help it.

The last time they were here, they had been fighting over him trying to take her phone. The memory of the that time, and the present of their situation was achingly haunting.

She gasped as his lips left hers and trailed down her neck, sponging one desperate kiss after another on her skin. She could feel his arousal in the most delicious way as he rocked his hips harshly against her with a moan. She clutched his hair, bringing him back to her mouth. She could feel his hand making its way to her center, his fingers tracing over her thong. And then reality hit.

She had to be the one to find the strength to stop, anyone could walk in, Yeray was outside. Her father was right outside. And she was positive, they were both wondering where she was. And that thought brought her all the way back down from her high.

She pulled away immediately, pushing on his chest urgently, "Stop."

It took him a second to comprehend the alarm in her voice, before he gently put her down and staggered back, chest heaving, his hair a mess; and his shirt was wrinkled from her hands.

"I'm sorry," he said, voice raspy and eyes dilated, "are you ok - "

"It doesn't matter," she interrupted, looking in the mirror and quickly moving her hands over her dress to straighten it out, before running them through her hair.

"Of course it does, Carla. We need to talk about - "

"Enough, Samuel! I'm fucking sick of it. I'm sick of your stares, and I'm sick of your nagging and your empty words of love. So enough." she snapped, feeling a twinge in her heart, "and this never happened."

He shook his head in disbelief, looking away from her, then instantly directing his dark eyes back on hers.

"You know what, Carla? I'm sick of it too. All of it. I'm sick of your lying and your betrayal, I'm sick of you shutting me and everyone out, and I'm sick of you fucking with my heart!"

Silence enveloped them, as they glared at each other, both breathing heavily. He was right, she should've never let it get that far, that was why she couldn't even be in the same room as him. She caved in and now they were both in more pain than before.

"Carla?"

Yeray's muffled voice behind the door cut through the tension that surrounded them. The door opened and her stomach sank when she realized just how close he came to catching them.

"Yeray." she feigned a smile.

"What's going on? I've been looking for you, is everything okay here?" he asked her, but he was looking at Samuel. Not good. She needed to come up with a lie. To say anything.

"Uh, yeah, Samuel was just reminding me to - "

"We're fine." Samuel interjected, an edge to his voice.

"I don't believe I was talking to you, man."

Before Samuel could even think about opening his mouth, she swayed her body towards Yeray, throwing both arms over his shoulders.

"He's right, you know. Everything's fine, especially now that you," she said, pulling him forward, "are here."

Yeray immediately relaxed, smiling and bending down to kiss her, and she dutifully accepted it. She could feel the sting of Samuel's angry gaze slicing through them like a thousand knives, a second later she heard his furious footsteps storming out.

She opened her eyes amid Yeray's kiss and watched him as he walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it!


	3. 3x04

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmuel Missing Scenes, 3x04.  
> Warning: Strong Language, Mild Sexual Situations.

Everyone around her was dancing and laughing. They were actually happy. Or they seemed to be, anyway. Carla liked parties, but all she could think about was the need for it to stop. She couldn't go home, so she was silently praying for anything to magically end the night.

Her head rested on Yeray's shoulder, as she watched Samuel and Rebe, dancing, talking, _kissing_. The tightness in her chest latched its fist around her heart with a vicious squeeze, and she deserved it. So she kept watching.

Maybe her brain was trying to protect her, but she kept fixating on how he didn't look happy. If he were to move on, she wanted him to be happy. She didn't know Rebe well, but had nothing against the girl, and while Samuel had been oblivious to Rebe's jealous stares and longing looks, when he’d been with her, Carla had noticed them. She'd thought he felt nothing but friendship for Rebe. Apparently, she'd been wrong.

They were kissing again and she couldn't look away.

"All right, everyone," Lu said loudly, grabbing everyone's attention as she stood in the middle of the dance floor, "next up, switching partners!"

People groaned in annoyance, but Lu continued as though she didn't hear. "It'll be fun, stop being boring. Also it's mandatory, I'm afraid. Don't worry, switching's just for dancing." there was a round of laughter around the room.

"Now everyone, look to the couple next to you," she said walking over to Samuel, grabbing his arm, yanking him away from Rebe, and dragging him over to her and Yeray, "just like this, and Yeray, you go with Rebe,"

_What the actual fuck, Lu?_

When Yeray didn't move, Lu tugged on his arm, till he finally let go of Carla’s waist and slowly made his way over to Rebe. "Exactly! Understood, everyone? Great, have fun!"

She obviously didn't have to demonstrate anything.

Lu did it on purpose, she wanted to make sure Samuel ended up dancing with Carla. Her hunch was proven correct, when Lu leaned in as she was walking away and not so subtly whispered to both of them. "You're welcome."

She glanced at Samuel, who was already looking at her. He managed a weak smile, stepping forward and extending his hand. "We have to follow the rules, right?"

"Right." her skin prickled the second she accepted his hand. He put his palm on her waist, but didn't bring her closer. They were both trying to avoid each other's gaze, but it was inevitable. Like magnets, their eyes caught one another and held. She should've known that after that, their bodies always followed, they both unconsciously moved closer, his hand sliding around her waist, drawing her nearer as she willingly fell into his embrace.

"There's one main rule you didn't follow, though," he said, pointing his head at her dress.

"Suits aren't really my thing." she lied easily.

"They're not?" he asked, skeptical as ever.

"No, they're not."

"Yeray didn't dress up either."

"Well, dresses aren't his thing."

"Isn't that the whole point, though? To wear something that isn't your thing, out of your comfort zone?"

He was doing it again, he was pushing her. "Why do you care so much about the dress code, Samuel?"

"It's just, it seems like, it's something you'd be into. But instead you look like you wanna be anywhere but here."

Once upon a time, she would've enjoyed the party, would’ve even helped planning it.

She didn't bother lying to him. "Let's just finish the dance, Samuel."

He heaved a sigh. "Okay, sorry. You'd look beautiful in anything, anyway."

She felt him stiffen, and knew he didn't mean to say that out loud. They both stopped swaying abruptly, and she didn’t know how long their eyes were sealed in their own little world. A world where she could lean in and kiss him, hug him to her, and tease him about how cheesy he was being,

But they belonged to the world outside their eyes.

"Uh, I think the song is over," she said, reluctantly letting go and taking a step back.

"Thank god for that!" Rebe said, suddenly appearing next to them, "that Yeray is hot, but he needs to loosen up a little, fuck!"

Rebe threw an arm over Samuel's shoulder, and Carla quickly looked away, searching around for Yeray.

"Where is he?" she asked Rebe, trying to ignore Samuel's eyes.

"Getting a drink, I think."

"Okay, well, I need one too," she said, briskly walking away, and feeling Samuel's gaze follow her all the way inside.

* * *

Yeray was kissing her. He literally backed her into a corner and kissed her. At first, she kissed him back, pushing down her need to run away. But then he started getting a little too excited with his touches.

"Let's find a room," he whispered in her ear heavily, grinding against her.

"What?" she pushed against his chest.

He pulled back slightly and grinned. "We could find a room and you know. . .it'll be hot."

"Yeray, I'm not fucking you in the middle of this party."

"Of course." he winced, trying to keep his smile, "we don't have to do that. Maybe just a little fun."

He leaned back down to kiss her neck, but she instantly moved away from his reach. "Look, Yeray, I was already forced to wear this dress. I'm not doing anything else against my will tonight."

He gaped, "Against your will? Carla, I'd never- "

"I know," she quickly interjected, sighing, reminding herself that he didn't know about her father, "listen, I just wanna hang out with some friends, okay? I'll find you a little later."

But she wasn't going to hang out with friends. Did she even have friends anymore?

There was no way out. She kept trying to come up with a plan, with anything, to get out of her situation, or at least make it a little bearable. But each path she considered, someone she cared about was bound to get hurt. Her mother or Samuel. Maybe both of them 

She was trying to get her breathing under control, and as she passed a table with alcohol on it, she snatched up the first bottle she spotted, and rapidly walked outside.

Once she was inhaling fresh air, she felt herself calm down a bit, she leaned her head back, peering at the dark sky above. She stood there, studying its beauty for a few moments, and wishing she was living among the stars. She looked back down when she felt her chest start to ache, throwing back a big gulp; enjoying the sting she felt as the liquor traveled down her throat.

"Hi."

She should have known he was there. How did she not notice him leaning against the wall behind her? And how long was he there before he announced himself? Was he watching her?

"Hi," she replied curtly.

"What are you doing out here alone with a bottle of whiskey?" Samuel asked with a soft smile.

"Drinking it. Why, you're gonna tell me I've had enough or something?"

"No, but I will tell you it's nice to share."

She couldn't help the smile that curled her lips. She couldn’t stop most of her reactions around him, and she used to hate it. Not so much anymore, now all she did was miss it. Miss him.

"Well, I'm not nice," she said, quirking an eyebrow.

"No, you are not." he chuckled, "but you can be, sometimes."

_With you, mostly._

"A lot nicer than you'd like to admit," he continued, walking towards her and holding out his palm for the bottle. She gave him a long look, before finally relenting and handing it over.

He took it with a tempting smirk, raising the bottle to his lips, all the while staring at her. And as she stared right back, she wondered, if she would ever stop wanting to kiss him.

Only when his full lips let go, and his tongue darted out to lick the liquid off, did she look away. He then sauntered lightly, until he reached the hood of a car and sat on it, his eyes quickly found hers, as he angled his head a bit nervously to the spot next to him. "Sit with me, just for a minute."

When she didn't move, he quietly spoke, his tone solemn. "Sorry. You don't have to."

Her legs were steering her to him before she could stop them, she seated herself alongside him, trying to position her body away from his. "You took my alcohol, so I kinda have to."

"How horrible of me." he let out a small laugh, passing over the bottle to her.

They sat together in comfortable silence, taking sips back and forth. While the tension was still there, it was the most peace she's had in a long time.

And he had to go and break it. "So you and Yeray, huh? You are - really together?"

He didn't look at her when he’d asked, and she didn't look at him when she answered. "Yes."

"So you actually like him?" his scrutinizing gaze was back on her.

"Sure, why wouldn't I?" she wasn't even trying, the lies slipped through so smoothly.

His jaw clenched as he bit out. "Yeah, why wouldn't you."

It was clear he didn't like her answer, but unlike him, she wasn't going to question him about it. Seeing him jealous was bad enough, she didn't want to hear the reaffirmation of his pain.

So she focused on her own. "You and Rebe seem great, how long have you been dating?"

 _Because you said you loved me_.

"Not long." he averted his eyes. "it's pretty new."

She had no right to feel the anger that sprang up in her, but she couldn't stop it. It felt like he was taking back his declaration of love. She didn't believe him anyway, but it still hurt. He wasn't in love with her. She was just an infatuation, the goodness inside him trying desperately to prove it also existed in her. 

"Right. I'm sorry about what happened to her mother, by the way."

His body stilled next to her, and she frowned at his reaction. Did she say something wrong?

"Yeah, me too. It's hard for her, being on her own."

"She has you," she blurted out, finding it a little difficult to keep the bitterness out of her voice. The envy that Rebe could have him in her life with no consequences.

The air around them suddenly shifted, his gaze connecting with hers. "She does."

His tone was almost daring her to say something about it. Which was unlike Samuel, she didn't think he was purposely trying to make her jealous. No, he was daring her, because he wanted her to admit it bothered her, admit her feelings the same way he had.

"I didn't know you liked her as more than a friend."

Fuck. Why was she still talking? Maybe she was drunker than she thought.

He sighed, staring back ahead. "I - I don’t think I knew either. But it's nice, we get along well, it's . . .easy. She's great."

She felt a lump lodge in her throat, her heart pinching in its cage. And she couldn't stop the slightest hint of sarcasm that took over her voice. "Well, good for you."

She took a final swig from the whiskey they had been sharing, and jabbed the bottle into his chest as she stood up. She wasn't as balanced as she'd hoped, her legs crumbling under the sudden shift of weight, but before she could even stumble, Samuel caught her by the waist, swiftly steadying her.

"Thanks."

"Sure," he said, not letting go of her. When she glanced up, the eyes that met hers, conveyed so much yearning, she felt her breath catch. She could feel his want all the way to her core.

"You do too." his voice was so quiet, she almost didn't hear him.

"What?"

"You've got me too." he exhaled. "as - whatever it is you want me to be. I told you, you can pretend all you want, Carla. But I see you. I can feel that you're going through something."

He paused for a second before resuming. "You can talk to me, okay? Whatever it is, you can tell me."

She snorted. "Yeah, I don't think I can."

"Of course, you can. Carla, I know there's something going on with your father, and you feel like you can't trust me, but you can."

"Bullshit!" she scoffed, shoving him away so hard, the bottle slipped from his fingers and onto the ground. 

"It's not!" he countered, his voice laced with frustration. "Carla, I already know, okay? You just need to let me in. I'm not scared of your father."

"You should be!" she exclaimed.

"I'm not. And staying away from each other isn't going to solve anything. And it's definitely not making things better. For either one of us."

She was so tired. "Give it up, Samuel. You should just keep your distance - "

"Damn it, Carla!" he snapped. "That's my decision!"

"No, it's - "

He shook his head vehemently, the motion making her pause, he moved a step closer. "I just want to know why. It's done. You lied for him in court, what more does he want from you?"

"Samuel - "

"It's over, Carla. And he’s still controlling - "

"Shut up, Samuel. You don't know what you're talking about."

"Then tell me!" he inhaled deeply. "Just tell me. Why are you letting him do this? There's something else going on, isn't there? It's not just about me."

She hated him in that moment. She hated how well he knew her. She hated how caring and intuitive he was. And she loved him all the same. She’d tried denying it for the longest time, telling herself it was sex, chemistry, attraction. But looking at him, right there, as he tore through all her walls and facades, she was reminded just how fucked she was. 

"My life is none of your business, Samuel." 

"Yes it is," he told her firmly, his eyes boring into hers, "you know it is, stop pretending otherwise."

Before she could respond, he carried on with determination. "Carla, no matter what it is, I promise, I won't use it against you."

"Oh, really?"

"Never. Never again, Carla." his gaze was so open, begging her to believe him.

"I find that hard to believe, Samuel. I'm still paying for the last time you used my feelings for you against me."

"What feelings?" he asked harshly, his eyes flaring up with challenge as he strode even closer to her. "I thought you had none. I thought you only knew me for five minutes, and soon I'll be nothing but a distant memory. That's all it was to you, right?"

She could feel her heart hammering, her throat closing up with her need to cry. She wanted to scream at him, scream at herself. The same cycle of emotions she's been experiencing taking a toll on her, exhaustion spread through her, as tears dropped silently before she could control herself.

His response was so immediate, so quick, as he urgently grasped her cheeks, his thumbs wiping her muted tears, his worried eyes searching hers. "Carla, talk to me, please."

_Fuck._

"I - " she cleared he throat. "I have nothing to say. I'm sorry."

He closed his eyes, bowing his head in disappointment. "Carla."

"What do you want from me, Samuel?"

He huffed angrily. "Why do you keep doing that? Why can't you just be honest with me for once?"

It’d been silly to think that being mean and distant towards him, was going to keep him away. He was too smart for that. She had to try a different approach, if there were any hope, that she could keep him safe, and save her family, if she had any chance of actually making things better, and finding a way out. She had to do something different.

She was going to give them both the breakup they’d never gotten.

"You're right, Samuel," she began, gently putting a hand on his chest, "I have some issues with my family, but they have nothing to do with you, okay? Stop making it about you. I have to deal with them on my own, and you don't seem to understand that."

She took a deep breath, smiling softly at him, trying to sell the next part.

"And I’ll admit, I might've been a bit too harsh, but I really wasn't lying the other night at the club. We're so, _so_ young, Samuel. We had something, we did, and I really liked it. It was messy and intense, but it was also. . . _wonderful_ , and now it's over. It's all just meaningless in the grand scheme of things, you know? It's a little sad but it's true. So yes, I will forget about you, sooner or later."

He blenched at her words, his eyes flashing with pain, as everything she said hung heavily in the silence that followed. For a second, she saw his resolve begin to crack in his eyes, the shock from her statements fading into self doubt. 

"You don't mean that." he tried, voice small.

"I do."

"You’re trying just to push me away. I don't believe you."

She sighed. "Why?"

"Because you don't seem to understand that I was a part of what we had. I know what we had. And I know I'll never forget it, Carla. I'll never forget _you_."

"Oh, Samuel, but you will. Someday you will."

"No."

"Stop. You'll be fine, I mean, you already have Rebe," she said, unable to keep the comment to herself.

He visibly flinched, momentarily speechless. "I don't - that's, that's not the same."

Her heart urged her to ask him what he meant by that. But she was getting good at ignoring it. "I don't care what it is, Samuel. Just move on, okay?"

"You're really doing this?"

It was as close to closure as they were both going to get. "Yes."

"I still don't believe you, Carla." he looked away from her, and she immediately missed the intensity of his gaze, his grip on her loosened, his body drawing back in defeat. "But I just need you to know that I'm here. That I know you're not okay, and I just want to help you. Please believe that I’ll never use you again. I'm here for you."

"Why?" the question slipped through her lips unwillingly. Her voice filled with confused wonder at his giving soul and resilient heart.

"Even if you don't want me." he shrugged sadly, his fervent dark eyes capturing hers. "You have me."

For a moment she thought, she could hear her heart shatter in her ears. She couldn't break away from his gaze, she was held captive under his heated stare and she didn't want her release.

And that made her selfish, because indulging in him, in anyway, would only lead to devastation.

"That’s nice of you to say, but I’m all good, Samuel. You're wasting your time." she slowly stepped back from his hold, her body instantly protesting his absence.

"I better go find Yeray. Have a good rest of your night." 


	4. 3x05

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmuel Missing Scenes, 3x05.  
> Warning: (Sexual Situations, Strong Language, Drug Use.)

Samuel couldn't sleep next to Rebe. Knowing he'd ruined her life, his guilt was always looming over his head. But it wasn't just about what he'd done to her mother.

He was using her to soothe his own pain and heartache, and he was currently experiencing a new level of self-loathing. He didn't know why he hadn't stopped her when she'd kissed him for the first time.

Not that it was an excuse, but Carla had just broken his heart for the hundredth time, and it felt like he couldn't breathe. He was sad, angry, and confused. But then Rebe'd kissed him, and he jumped into it, without thinking about how it would affect her. And then the police contacted him and everything went even farther downhill. He didn't know how to tell her, how could he just sit her down and tell her, he was responsible for her mother's imprisonment. Oh, and on top of all that, he couldn’t keep seeing her, ‘cause he cared about her as a friend, and it was unfair and selfish of him to lead her on. He couldn't tell Rebe all of that, all at once, it was a lot for anyone to take in.

He was being a coward, he didn't want - what felt like - his only friend to hate him.

He sighed loudly, opening the fridge to grab himself a bottle of water, before walking back to the living room, and slumping down the couch.

_Carla._

Closing his eyes, he let her invade his mind. He'd been trying so hard to keep her out all day, and now that he was alone, he finally let go of all pretenses and allowed thoughts of her to fire up his insides.

He was in love with her.

He knew that what he felt for Carla was something he had never experienced before, not with Marina, or anyone else.

But what was daunting, was the fact that he was sure he'd never feel that kind of love for anyone else. Well, definitely not in the same all-encompassing way he had with her.

She was consuming from the start, everything with her had felt intoxicating, feverish, crazed. But it’d also felt grounded, peaceful, and real. So real, it was terrifying. It hadn't been his plan to kiss her that day in the club, but he couldn't stop himself, her burning proximity had caused wild abandonment to take over. And even though, he knew she had done it to play him, it was still mind boggling that she'd actually kissed him back, and then she'd proceeded to fuck him into an explosive, confusing, and overwhelming emotional tornado. He'd never forget what it had been like to touch her for the first time, to kiss her for the first time, the reviving shock that rushed through his system, the second his skin had come in contact with hers. His whole body had ignited with a need he didn't think he was capable of feeling. He never stood a chance.

It was almost laughable, to think about how he'd thought he wouldn't fall for her. That he could've had finished his quest, without his heart getting crushed in the process.

And he kept going back for more. Talk about fucking masochism.

His phone vibrated beside him, frowning, he grasped it with a huff. Who was calling so late?

_Carla._

He jolted up so fast, almost dropping his phone, his heart beating in his throat.

Was she really calling? Or did he actually think about her so much that he was hallucinating it?

He took in a shaky breath, tapping his thumb on the screen to accept the call.

"Hello?"

Nothing.

"Carla?" he could hear her breathing, and his, immediately picked up.

"Carla, please answer."

"Hey." his eyes slid shut at her voice.

"Hey - did you mean to call me?"

"Yes." 

She didn't lie. He smiled, but then he remembered the time, his brows knitted with worry. "Are you okay? It's almost three in the morning."

"I'm fine."

And she was back to lying, he should really get used to the disappointment. "No, you're not."

She exhaled softly through the phone, and his stomach instantly fluttered, wishing she were next to him. "I'm sorry, I don't why I called, I was just sitting here and I couldn't - I, I - I don't - "

"Hey, hey, it's okay, you don't need to explain. Call me anytime."

She didn't respond for so long, he thought she'd hung up. But then he heard a muffled, gasping cry, and his heart stopped.

"Carla, what's going on?"

"Can you just talk?" her voice was so small.

"What?"

"Just talk. Say anything."

"I don't understand." his concern was still gripping him.

"Please, Samuel, just talk to me. Tell me something."

"Uh - " his throat closed up when realization dawned on him. She needed the distraction. "Okay, erm. . .I've never seen Titanic."

There was a moment before she let out a light giggle. "That's so weird."

"Hey! It's not that weird."

"No, it's weird, 'cause I've never seen it either."

"Really?"

"Hmm. People always make me feel like shit for it too."

"I know, as if we're uncultured or something."

"I swear, I haven't watched it yet, just to spite them."

He chuckled. "Agreed. People can be so annoying about that film."

"So, what other popular movies haven't you watched?"

He could feel his smile stretch even wider, all his worries calming down, as they started an impromptu discussion about overrated and underrated movies, Spanish or otherwise. 

"It's been so long since I've just sat down and watched a movie," she said quietly.

"Oh yeah? How long?"

She didn't answer right away. "Since that dumb one you made me watch."

His heart constricted in his chest, he remembered that night so vividly, it was one of his favorite memories with her. She had come over one night, without even calling as usual, and while she'd had other plans in mind, plans he'd very much wanted as well, but at that point he was too far gone for her. He had just wanted to spend time with her, an itch in his skin that had needed to know her, to sit with her, so he could just watch her and listen to her speak. So he'd convinced her to watch a film with him first, though, they had only managed to watch half of it, before they both got sidetracked.

"We've established this, Carla. Spider-man is not dumb."

"Yes it is, the whole concept is ridiculous. And they should really stop making them already."

"One day, I'll make you love superheroes." 

Oh, shit Fuck, he probably shouldn't have said that.

"I doubt it," she replied with ease. Thank god, he didn't spook her.

"I don't. You'll be wearing full-on geek t-shirts in no time."

She laughed, the sound heating his gut. "Keep dreaming, Samuel."

_Dreaming about her was all he did anyway._

As though she could hear his thoughts, it got quiet between them, but it wasn't awkward. He wanted so badly to ask her what was wrong, but it was pointless, she was determined to keep him in the dark, and as much as he hated it, he knew it would only push her away if he tried interfering again. And he was so happy she called, he didn't want to risk her hanging up.

A crazy idea abruptly appeared in the forefront of his mind. Maybe if he trusted her with one of his secrets, maybe she'd know he trusted her. Maybe then she she'd know she could trust him too. But he was scared of what she was going to say. Even if a part of him knew, she was the only one who could ever understand. He still didn't want to risk how she saw him, what she thought of him.

"It was - it was me," he stammered, running a nervous hand through his hair. "I told the police about Rebe's mother. Well, I agreed to help them."

"What?" she asked, voice filled with shock.

Then he told her the whole story, and why he had done it. She remained silent for a brief moment, and he could've sworn he stopped breathing during it.

"I get it." three simple words and he could breathe again.

He knew she would.

"I mean, you're certainly no boyfriend of the year, but I get it." she said.

He snorted at her comment, a weird feeling taking over him at her use of the word boyfriend, his body rejecting it. Fuck, he was such an asshole. He needed to break up with Rebe as soon as possible, if he had any chance of ever salvaging their friendship.

"I don't know what to do," he admitted quietly.

"Maybe someday, she'll understand. Her mother is guilty."

He couldn’t help but notice the few similarities. He knew Carla was still mad that he’d manipulated her feelings into confessing, and it had been the hardest thing he ever had to do, knowing the price was losing her. But a part of her had to understand, because Polo was guilty.

"I know, but I was being selfish, all I could think about was helping my family. Myself. And now her life is all messed up."

"Wait, why aren't they back yet?"

He gritted his teeth. "They told me it takes time."

"You think they're lying?"

"They better not be."

"You'll get them back, Samuel. Don't worry."

He smiled sadly to himself, her reassurance meant more to him than she could possibly know. And suddenly the pain of losing her came back full force, the unrelenting thoughts, that he couldn't have her, to comfort him, kiss him, and simply be with him.

_Would he ever get her back?_

Knowing better than to voice his thoughts, he simply settled on. "I hope so."

"Like they say, the things we do for family, right?" he said slowly, after a pause of silence.

"Yeah," she said, "at least yours deserve it."

His brows furrowed, her broken voice filling him with the need to hug her. Before he could utter a word, he heard a male voice in the background. It didn't belong to her father.

"Carla? You're still up?"

Yeray. She was with him. His fists clenched, was he at her house? Was she at his? The painful contraction of his heart wouldn't stop. His mind instantly imagining them in various sexual scenarios. He vehemently shook his head to himself. Fuck, no. He didn't even care to stop and think about his hypocrisy in that moment, his hurt and jealousy taking control.

"You're with him?" the bitter question slipped before he could stop it.

"I'll be right there, Yeray. " she paused, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry. Good night."

And then she hung up. The loss of her voice in his ear making him feel even more suffocated.

* * *

The raging party around him did nothing but put him more on edge. His anxiety rising by the minute, Rebe was sure that the guy they were waiting for was going to lead her to the culprit. To him.

Rebe was talking to him, but he wasn't really listening, he was preparing himself for what was to come, he couldn't get rid of the pit in his stomach. He took a large swig of his drink, eyes roaming around the room, and that was when he saw her. Saw what she was doing.

What the fuck?

"I'll be right back," he told Rebe, not caring if she heard him, but he could feel her stare on his back.

His feet were moving instinctively, advancing quickly in her direction, his heart thudding with confusion and fear. Once he reached her, he blindly went for her hand just as she was about to take another hit, slapping it away from her.

She gasped, looking at him, her eyes a little unfocused. "What the hell, Samuel?"

"What the hell?" he repeated lowly. "seriously, what the fuck are you doing, Carla?"

"Having fun. Go away." she beamed mockingly, turning around to leave, his palm instantly reached for her wrist, wheeling her back around.

"No, you're doing drugs," he bit out, his words sounding foreign to him. His disbelief at the sight in front of him still present in his belly.

"How observant." she rolled her eyes, before they widened and she smiled at something behind him. "Yeray! Over here!"

His jaw clenched at the sound of the name falling from her lips with such excitement, a second later, Yeray appeared next to her.

"Let's dance!" she grabbed Yeray's hand, dragging him behind her.

Samuel was rooted in place, staring at her as she danced, his shock drumming in his chest. What the fuck was going on with her? The contrast of what he was sure he knew of her, and what he was seeing was incredibly jarring.

The fact that she kept touching and doting on Yeray didn't help his spiraling emotions, he tried drawing in calming breaths, but the combination of witnessing her using drugs and then kissing Yeray was too much. He slammed his drink on the table behind him, his mind on one thing, as he strode towards her steadfastly.

"I need to talk to you," he said, reaching the spot in front of her, completely ignoring who she was dancing with.

"What the..?" Yeray said, confused.

"I'm busy, Samuel," she said, not even sparing him a glance. And he fucking hated it.

"Carla, it's important. We need to talk. Now."

"Nope."

"Carla - "

"Hey, she said she doesn't want to. Just leave," Yeray spoke from behind him.

"I'm clearly not talking to you."

"Well, clearly, she doesn't want to speak with you."

He ignored him, eyes on Carla as she swayed carelessly. "Carla, I have to talk to you alone."

"Seriously? Leave us alone, man!"

He closed his eyes, trying to keep his anger in check. "Stay out of this."

"I don't think so." Yeray jabbed him lightly on the shoulder.

Wrong move, rich boy.

He pushed him back roughly. "I told you to stay out of this, you - "

"Ugh!" Carla interrupted impatiently. "Enough of this."

"I'll talk to you, happy?" she grinned sarcastically at him, before directing her gaze to Yeray with a warm smile. "I'll be right back, love."

His body lurched with disgust, hearing her call Yeray, love.

Without providing any further information, she started sauntering away, and he immediately followed. When they found an empty backroom, they both walked inside. Closing the door behind them, he turned around to look at her, his fuming heart halting for a second at the sight that greeted him.

She was leaning heavily against the wall, her whole demeanor from before entirely changed, as she regarded him with openly lustful eyes, a seductive smirk on her sinful lips, her slender fingers catching the hem of her dress, hiking it up tantalizingly slow.

Fuck.

"What do you want, Samuel?" her husky voice sent shivers straight down his spine, and right to his rapidly aching member.

She was too beautiful, too alluring. Everything about her was devastatingly unfair.

He inhaled sharply, trying to cool down his anatomy. "Don't try to distract me. You know it won't work."

Her giggle was sultry and airy. "It used to, though. Remember?"

Recalling their past trysts. Dangerous fucking territory.

"We're not leaving here until you tell me, what the hell was that out there?"

She was slowly making her way towards him, looking at him passionately. "You mean, dancing with my boyfriend?"

He blanched outwardly, and from the grin that spread over her face, it was the exact reaction she wanted, she finally reached him, just an inch away, and he prayed silently to have the strength to resist whatever she was about to do.

"You know what I'm talking about."

"Oh, right, the drugs," she said nonchalantly.

The second she said it, it hit him as hard as it did when he'd seen her just moments ago. He took a step closer this time.

"This is serious, Carla. Why would you do that? How did you even get it?"

It was too easy to get drugs, he knew that firsthand. Valerio and Rebe crossed his mind. But they were smarter than to actually sell to Carla. No, there was no way it was them.

"So many questions." she groaned, "do you ever just live, Samuel?"

She was evading again. "What is going on with you?"

"Nothing is going on. You just like to ruin my fun."

He rubbed an agitated hand over his face, she was obviously influenced from the drugs, and this was going no where. "We'll talk about this tomorrow. Right now, I need to take you home."

"Fuck off. I'm not going anywhere." she scoffed, twisting around him, hitting his shoulder harshly as she started making her way towards the door. Once again, he had to catch her by the arm to twirl her back to him.

"Carla, you have to go home. I can't just let you go out there - "

"Let me?" she snarled, shoving him back, eyes shooting daggers. "Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"Carla, calm down, I only meant you need - "

"The only thing I _need_ , is to be rid of you. Which I can't seem to do, no matter how hard I try."

Her words never failed to hurt him, it didn't matter that he knew she was doing it on purpose, it didn't matter how many times she did it, her hold on him was stronger than even he could fathom sometimes. They way she could unravel him so easily, whether it was with desire, longing, doubt, or anger. She could break him so quickly, and the most pathetic part was, he didn't care.

"Listen," he began softly, "you're on drugs, Carla. And I'm just worried, so please, you have to be some place safe where you can sleep it off, okay?"

"And you think that place is my house?" 

It wasn't the first time she’d made a similar comment, and she never elaborated. And if he asked her to, he knew he wouldn't be getting any answers, all he wanted was to get her somewhere where he knew she would be okay till morning.

"Where do you wanna go then?"

_Please don't say Yeray's. Just please don't._

"I want to. . ." she sang slowly, spinning in place, "stay out all night!"

"That's not gonna happen."

She laughed humorlessly. "You don't get a say in what I do, handsome."

He huffed. "Carla, I'm calling a car, you can wait here. And we're definitely discussing all of this later."

He took his phone out of his back pocket, but before his fingers could move an inch, it was snatched away from him.

"Right." she held the phone up in front of him. "no, thank you."

And then she flung it across the room at the wall behind him, he heard its impact, the phone clattering against the wall loudly before falling to the floor.

A low rumbling sound of anger left him, as he stepped towards her, pushing her back against the wall. "What is wrong with you?"

She simply smirked. "Oh, don't be mad, I'll buy you a new one."

He closed his eyes, gritting his teeth. "Carla,"

"Actually, I take that back. I like it when you're mad," she whispered, her hands making their way up his chest, he immediately caught them, his skin already tingling.

"Carla, listen to me. Please go home."

"No."

"You have to."

She grumbled, "Why won't you just leave me the fuck alone?"

He sighed, feeling a twinge in his chest. "I told you. I can't."

She pouted mockingly. "Ah, poor Samuel. Look at you, so tortured. Just a walking cliche, aren't you?"

"I - "

"Your ex-girlfriend is dead," she interjected, and his stomach dropped at her words.

"And your brother is accused of killing her," she continued sardonically, "but we all know he didn't do it. I mean, he was fucking her, oh so lovingly, behind your back."

"Stop," he said through shallow breathing.

"You tried to reveal the truth, but you failed miserably. So your brother left, and your mother followed." she breathed in, looking him in the eye. "Then I left you too."

"And now." she snickered, "you're still chasing after me, while being with someone else. Marina would be so proud."

He shrank back, the cruel words pressing on his nerves, that was the last straw, he backed her further into the wall. "Whatever you think you're doing is not going to work. And I'm not cheating."

"Oh, you are. Cheating is more than just the physical stuff. But hey, we can fix that if you want."

He flinched at the truth, which only made him angrier as he spat his next words. "I'm only trying to help you, because no one else seems to care."

Her eyes lowered, and for a split second he could see the effect his words had on her, but then she smiled, her arms circling his shoulders.

"Only helping, huh? So if I kissed you, you wouldn't kiss me back?"

He tried to answer, opening his mouth to tell her no, he wouldn't kiss her. But nothing came out, his gut, heart, and body, knew exactly what he would do if she touched him.

She leaned in closer, and his lungs momentarily stopped calling for oxygen. She softly brushed his lips, once, twice; feeding that ever growing flame, she had planted deep inside him the first time he'd kissed her.

"Please do - "

And then her lips parted his ardently, effectively shutting him up. The need for her, that he was constantly trying so hard to keep at bay, flared up with a vengeance as her taste hit his tongue. They both moaned, their mouths molding together in such a familiar, intense dance, that made his whole body ache with want.

Her hand traveled down his chest leisurely, until she reached his hardening length, palming him softly. He groaned, his fingers clutching her neck, driving his tongue deeper, as he devoured her mouth.

"Samuel." she gasped against his hungry lips.

That single, captivating utterance of his name, crashed into his foggy mind and alerted him to his surroundings.

"Stop," he rasped, wrenching his mouth away, when she went for him again, her hands trying to grasp his face, he seized both her wrists.

"Carla, stop!" he needed to control himself, "you're not in the right state of mind to be doing this. Or anything else. Go home now."

She blinked slowly. 

"Get the fuck off then!" she then said sternly, struggling in his grip, before elbowing him away.

"You know what, Samuel? I will go home right now. With Yeray, that is," she told him, wheeling around and opening the door.

"Carla,"

"No need to worry, he'll take really good care of me." she sent him a wink, before storming out, an unbalanced sway in her steps.

He stood frozen for a second, his veins pulsing, palms sweating. His legs and brain finally caught up, as he marched forward.

"Carla!" There were too many bodies around, and he couldn't see for shit. Fuck, he kept bumping into people.

A few minutes later, he found her, and he wished he hadn't. His eyes fell on her and Yeray, locked in a heated embrace. His muscles tightened, his cheeks flushing with quiet fury. He watched as she drew back, grabbing Yeray's hand with a grin and pulling him towards the exit. They both climbed the stairs and right before she disappeared from his sight, she turned around, sensing his imploring gaze, and smiled. 

* * *

"Samu, do you love me?"

It was a while after Carla had left, and while he'd been trying hard to pay attention to Rebe, it didn't work. He was thankful when she left for the bathroom, giving him time to breathe, and get rid of her bag. But ever since she came back from the restroom, she'd been acting weird.

He didn't mind her question, it was easy to answer, not so easy to vocalize. Because he did love her, just not in the way she thought he did. It was his opportunity to tell her, she just gave him an opening, and he needed to tough it out.

"Of course I do." he took a deep breath, getting ready for what he had to say next.

"I just had to make sure," she said before he could speak, grabbing both his hands and holding them up, he looked at his strange colored palms in confusion.

So she explained to him her whole plan. Guilt enveloped him tightly, his mind scrambling for something to say, but she didn't let him, talking over him, before quickly punching him and walking away.

"Rebe, wait."

She whirled around to face him again, scowling. "Who am I kidding? That wasn't the reason you got close to me. No, no, it was her. You hooked up with me to get over your fucking marchioness."

"Rebe, - "

"Don't you dare humiliate me more than you already have. Not after what I just found out. Be honest with me, you never saw me that way. I was nothing but a distraction to ease your heartbreak. Just admit it."

"I - I'm so sorry." he hung his head in shame.

She nodded in resignation. "I guess it's a little on me too. I wanted you so much, I chose to ignore what is so glaringly obvious."

She took a small step forward. "But snitching on my mother, I didn't see that coming. I thought you were my friend."

"I am. I'm sorry, but just let me explain,"

"Save it!" she snapped, briskly leaving him.

He was still reeling from what had happened with Carla, and that did not help.

He had lost Carla, his family, and now his friend. And during all of his turmoil, it was his bad luck, that his eyes landed on Polo, as he danced with Valerio and Cayetana. They were kissing, laughing, _happy_. He watched with an icy glare, letting his hatred and rage surge through him freely.


	5. 3x06

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmuel Missing Scenes, 3x06.  
> Warning: (Sexual Situations, Strong Language, Drug Use.)

Samuel had tried to get Carla alone all day, but she was a master at avoiding him. He couldn't let her do it again. So he'd settled on watching her for the rest of the day, hoping that she wasn't desperate enough to use at school.

Carla looked almost robotic and it seemed she was losing more of herself every time Samuel looked at her.

He looked at his bruised hand with a grimace, maybe taking his issues out on a locker wasn't the best idea. Samuel's anger at Valerio hadn't died down, if anything, it festered. The school day had finally come to an end and he couldn't see Carla anywhere. Samuel didn't how he missed the fact that she had already left, when he'd been watching her like a hawk. Samuel knew she wasn't going to be happy when he suddenly showed up at her door. But she gave him no choice.

Once he'd reached her house, Samuel pushed his nerves to side. A woman, he recognized as Mirella smiled at him, after opening the door.

"Uh, Hi. Is Carla here?"

He should've called first. But she wouldn't have answered, so Samuel couldn't really feel bad about it.

"Yes. Come in, sir. I'll go get her."

Samuel slowly made his way inside, waiting awkwardly in the foyer and not for the first time, he could see just how different their worlds were. A moment later he heard Carla's angry footsteps stumping down the stairs, Samuel whirled around to see she was still in her uniform, which never failed to cause him to stir. But that was obviously not why he was here.

"Have you lost your mind? What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Tell me you didn't take it."

Samuel could see the agitation all over her soft features.

"You are the most frustrating person I've ever met. You're lucky my parents aren't here."

"Carla - "

"Just follow me." she huffed, quickly turning on her heel and walking up the stairs.

While he'd been to Carla's house before, Samuel had never actually seen her bedroom. The second he stepped through the door, his eyes roamed every corner with burning curiosity. It was spotless, which came as no surprise since they had maids. He paced around until he was at her desk, his hand smoothing over the surface. He grinned at a picture of her and Lu when they were younger, Carla's smile looked so genuine.

"Samuel?"

He cleared his throat. "Uh, yeah. Sorry."

"What do you want?" she sighed tiredly.

"Did you ta - "

"No, I didn't. I literally just got home."

"Good. Now flush it down the toilet."

"You know I'm not gonna do that."

"Why do you need it?"

Carla simply stared at him, fingers going for her shirt, unbuttoning the first, second, then the third button. His body surged in attention, before his mind snapped into focus and he looked away.

"Your tricks are getting old, Carla."

"Don't flatter yourself. Since you came uninvited, I'm changing out of my uniform anyway. If that makes you uncomfortable, wait outside. Better yet, why don't you leave my house all together?"

"Sure, throw it away and I'm gone."

"You really are insufferable." Carla puffed out a breath, he subtly let his eyes wander over to her, she had changed into a simple white shirt and was sliding her legs through grey cotton shorts. Samuel breathed in relief, he wasn't sure he could've handled it if he had checked and found her naked.

Once she was fully clothed and facing him, Carla crossed her arms. "I'm not getting rid of it, Samuel. So let it go and go home."

"I can't do that. Not when I know what you're about to do."

"Why do you keep doing this?" Carla asked harshly.

She knew why. They both did. It didn't matter that she didn't want to acknowledge it, or that he was too scared to say it again. Samuel couldn't just walk away from her when she was obviously having such a rough time. Such a rough time that she'd resorted to this extreme level of dealing with it. And Samuel'd be damned if he was going to just idly stand by and watch her self-destruct.

He disregarded her question, striding towards her. "Give it to me."

"No."

"Carla, I'm not leaving unless I know you don't have it."

"What is wrong with you?"

"I'm trying - "

"No, seriously," she interjected with a glare, "are you constantly losing brain cells? What I do is none of your business."

Samuel wasn't fazed by her words. He was about to open his mouth when his eyes thoroughly took note of her state. Her body was quivering, her curled fists were visibly trembling as she breathed heavily. Drops of sweat pouring out of her forehead and down her pale face, her sullen eyes were misting with tears.

A painful stab of worry rocked him as he raised both palms to her face, Carla blenched but didn't move away from his touch. Taking it as a good sign, Samuel moved closer to her, his thumbs soothingly rubbing back and forth across her cheeks.

She had gone too far and his stomach dropped at the realization.

"You need help, Carla."

"No, no. I'm fine. I'm handling it." her wavering voice was proof that she didn't believe her own words. She was starting to shiver all over, Samuel quickly grabbed the first blanket he saw on her bed and threw it over her shoulders, wrapping it tightly around her.

"Thank you."

Samuel tilted her chin up. "You have to stop."

"I know - but I can't," she told him in a low voice.

"Of course you can. You are so strong, I know - "

"No, you don't get it. I...I can't carry on without it."

"What do you mean?"

"I need it. I just have to."

"Why? Why won't you just talk to me?"

"I - I can't, you know that."

"Yes. But I don't know why!"

"Samuel, please. Don't. Not now, I'm so tired and I feel so - " Carla broke off with an evident shudder, swaying in the spot, almost losing her balance. Samuel instantly held her closer.

"Okay, okay," he said, kissing her forehead gently, "I'm sorry."

Samuel felt her body sag against him and his arms tightened around her, lips trailing light kisses down her right cheek. "It's okay. You'll be okay." he kept repeating it to affirm it for both of them.

And then Carla collapsed completely, a loud sob leaving her mouth. Samuel's entire body stilled with her tears, Carla always kept it together, he had never seen her break. A vicious, unsettling emotion cut through him deeply, his gut wrenched with her cries; head pounded with every gasp of pain out of her lips.

"Shh, it'll be alright." Samuel felt so helpless, his arms gripping her to him so firmly, he was scared it was cutting her airflow. But Carla didn't care, her arms grasping onto him just as hard, crying her soul into his chest.

Samuel didn't know when exactly they had fallen down on the bed, or when had tears started streaming down his face. Witnessing Carla's hurt so transparently, rattled him to the core. Only when Carla lifted her head off his chest to look at him, did he notice how the sunlight had dimmed in the room.

"Why are you crying?" her voice was hoarse as she wiped a tear from his cheek.

_Because you're in pain, he thought to himself, And I don't know how to help you, I don't know how to make any of this better._

Samuel simply shrugged with a weak smile. She didn't push it, leaning forward to kiss the rest of his tears away, leaving him with shivers running down his spine. Samuel shut his eyes in contentment, tugging her closer to him; his other hand massaging the back of her head. 

"You should eat something," he said after a period of serene silence.

"Like what, macaroni?"

His heart fluttered. "I could make you some, I'm sure you have everything I need in your kitchen."

"I was kidding, Samuel. Do you ever eat anything else?"

He paused, pretending to consider it. "Not really, no."

Carla chuckled. "You know, _I_ could make you something."

Samuel looked down at her, waiting for those eyes to gaze back up at him. "Carla Rosòn Caleruga can cook?"

"Of course," she replied, suddenly hoisting herself up and straddling his waist, her haunting eyes piercing his. "I'm a woman of many talents."

"I'm well-aware," his reply came out breathless, "I just don't think cooking is one of them."

Carla giggled, the sound humming through his system. "Fine, you got me. I can't cook for shit, but I'm a very fast learner. Maybe you could teach me, Chef."

Even though Samuel knew he wasn't much better, he nodded with a grin. "I'd be honored."

Carla then bent down achingly slow before finally meeting his lips. The kiss was lazy and deep, his tongue swirling with hers in a consuming tremor that traveled through every inch of his body, striking his lower region.

Samuel knew it was the wrong time and they should definitely stop. Carla had just finished crying in his arms, not to mention she was suffering from withdrawal. And a part of him knew she might be feeling too exposed after showing such vulnerability; she might be deflecting the issue by turning things sexual and not talking about it. But while Samuel knew that they needed to finally talk about everything; that she needed some time and space to recover, he couldn't help but feel they both needed this. They both needed the comfort they found in each other. Even Just for a moment.

The kiss was quickly turning heavy, her fingers making quick work of his buttons. His palms clutched her shirt before slipping under it, his fingers tracing the soft skin of her back as their hips ground together ardently.

"Carla." he groaned into her mouth.

They had to stop. Samuel was reluctantly slowing the progress of their eager embrace, when he heard a muffled ringing under his head. He couldn't register the sound at first, his head fuzzy with everything Carla.

Samuel pulled away slightly, his hand reaching under him and retrieving Carla's phone. He managed to catch the name on the screen before handing it to her.

His jaw ticked. Yeray.

Carla frowned, silencing the phone and throwing it carelessly to the side. She tried to kiss him again but he stopped her.

"You should really eat something," he said quietly.

Carla paused, staring at him. She finally inhaled loudly in resignation and flopped down next to him. It was tense for a few minutes before she rescued them from it.

"Fine. But we're not eating macaroni."

He smiled. "Deal."

* * *

The ended up ordering pizza, which they were currently eating in front of the pool. They'd spent the time waiting for it to be delivered, talking seriously and mindlessly, he'd told her that Rebe found out about the deal he'd made with the police, but left out the part where she'd called him out on why he'd started things with her. They also talked about silly shit, that made them both guffaw and relax. And Samuel was just realizing that even though Carla was still fidgeting and a bit antsy, she was looking a little better; and she hadn't brought up the drugs or her need for it.

"My parent will be home soon," she announced, her voice still a bit scratchy, "you'll need to go."

He said nothing in response, merely nodding. Samuel wouldn't get anywhere asking her why and he didn't want to ruin this time with her.

"Wanna go for a swim?" Carla asked abruptly.

"A swim?" he repeated stupidly.

"Yep." she grinned. "Come on!"

And then she was taking her clothes off. Samuel swallowed, exhaling a sharp breath; watching as she peeled off her shirt and shorts before diving in, water spattering around her. Samuel's hesitation lasted about a second. Because seeing Carla smiling, her eyes beckoning him to join her in the joy she was having - no matter how temporary - made his decision fairly easy.

He stood up, shedding his clothes, and quickly jumping in after her with only his boxers on. Carla let out a cheerful laugh at the splash he caused. They both immediately swam to each other, their laughter dying down as they gazed upon one another. And when she leaned in to kiss him, he softly spoke.

"I don't want to taint us."

Carla blanched in surprise. "What?"

"I - I shouldn't have kissed you the other night. But more importantly, I shouldn't have gotten with Rebe in the first place, knowing how I feel about you. And now I have to live with the fact that I hurt her.

"And even if I don't care about Yeray or his feelings. I know what that's like. We shouldn't do that to him."

Her gaze left him with a scoff. "Trust me, what I have with Yeray is not like that."

"What do you mean?"

"It's just different."

Samuel narrowed his eyes. "Do you even like him?"

"I do, I just - "

"Don't lie. Why are you with him?"

"Because...he's fun."

He snorted at the feeble excuse. "Fun? That's the only reason?"

"Yes. That's enough for me."

"Is it?" he was irritated with her statement

"Yeah, we're both young and we're just having fun. What else is there?"

If Samuel didn't know any better, he would've thought she was intentionally provoking him. What else is there?

_Love. Passion. Us. What we have, what we feel for each other, his mind was almost screaming at her._

"Well, whatever it is, you have to end it. I mean, if you want this - us."

Carla was quiet for a moment, peering at him in a way that made his insides churn.

"You're the best person I know," she whispered.

Samuel's eyes lowered shyly, his heart skipping a beat at her praise. But he was just being decent, nothing more. Guilt still twisted his stomach, knowing the questionable things he'd done. Especially recently.

"No, I'm not, I'm - "

"Yes, you are," she said resolutely, "now please believe that Yeray and I are not what you think we are. Not to me, at least."

Samuel didn't get a chance to prompt her further as she nudged him forward and he didn't resist. Because Samuel was only human and the girl he was in love with was half naked and wet. He licked his lips and Carla smirked at the action, grazing his mouth teasingly.

Returning her soft kiss, Samuel felt their hands interlock- his fingers slotting through hers and he winced slightly from his still sore fist.

Carla glanced down in concern at his rapidly swelling knuckle, it was getting redder by the minute. "What happened?"

"I might have punched a locker," he said sheepishly.

"Why?"

"Well, it was either the locker or Valerio."

Carla tutted with a sigh. "Samuel, why would you do that? It's not his fault."

"Yes, it is."

"No, it's not, it was my decision. He only did what I asked."

"And if he hadn't, you would've never had the opportunity in the first place." Carla's eyes left his shamefully, it was the same look she had when she'd walked out of the bathroom this morning.

The truth was that it was on Samuel too. He'd provided the place for Valerio and Rebe to push drugs. The guilt prevented him from telling Carla that they'd used his house and it was eating him inside, even if he knew she might be understanding. But as he stared at her, she still looked drained and Samuel was too damn afraid to break the peaceful spell that'd been cast on them.

"Regardless, I can deal with my own shit," she said stubbornly, "and you definitely shouldn't go around punching lockers."

Samuel's lips quirked in amusement. "Sorry."

"You should be. I like your hands."

"Yeah?"

"Hmm," she said, playing with his fingers, "they're very nice and. . .skillful."

His heart jumped at the insinuation and he let out a low chuckle. "Really? That's nice to hear."

Carla's reaction was to slowly bring his bruised knuckle to her lips, peppering soft kisses across it. Samuel's eyes found hers intensely as she darted her tongue out and licked up the back of his index finger; till she finally took it in her mouth and sucked.

His body heat rose to an alarming level of arousal. Samuel closed his eyes, chest heaving, the sensations that burst over him, causing him to twitch in his underwear.

"Fuck," he breathed out, before his free hand took charge and ran itself through her hair, tugging on it gently so she would release his finger.

Samuel's lips pressed against hers with fervor need and Carla responded in kind, her tongue keeping up with the urgent movement of his.

And because every fiber of his being was chanting it. Samuel's mouth drew back, staying close, lips brushing hers. The words crawling incessantly under his skin until he couldn't stop them from being whispered against her.

"I love you."

Carla went rigid in his arms. And he mentally cursed himself, but he didn't regret saying it. What did she expect? Samuel couldn't keep it in any longer.

Carla pulled away stiffly. "Stop saying that."

"Why? It's the truth."

She rubbed her temples in distress. "No, it's not. You don't even know me."

Samuel gaped at her, how the fuck could she say that? Not only did she say he didn't know her, but she kept refusing to believe his feelings. And here Samuel thought the worst thing would've been her not saying it back.

"You're not actually serious, are you? I know you, Carla. In fact, I'm pretty sure I know you better than anyone."

And although his heart was in his throat with nerves, Samuel needed to say it again. To kill any doubts she had on the matter. "I'm in love with you."

Seeing her flinch from his words, physically hurt him. Samuel could feel the searing pain of her rejection, as she closed yet another door on him. She wasn't looking at him, and he didn't know if he should be thanking her for sparing him the mortification of having to look her in the eyes as she shut him down; or yell at her for crushing his heart without even looking as she did it. The strained silence was starting to choke him, Samuel weakly started to move; wanting to make his way out of the water - which now felt like it was scalding him.

"No, no, no," Carla said, grabbing his wrists, "don't leave like this, please."

"I should go." his voice was embarrassingly small.

"Samuel, you don't understand, I - " she looked almost frantic.

"It's all right, Carla." he tried to free himself from her clasp.

"No, no, it's not."

Samuel could see the agony on her face, and his resolve gave in, needing to comfort her. "It's okay."

"Fuck, stop saying that!"

Her exasperated tone shut him up momentarily as he waited for her to say something.

"It's not so easy for me to say it."

That should've hurt, but instead all Samuel felt was flickering hope flaring up inside him. That meant she felt it. She felt something for him, she just couldn't express it. And how pathetic was it, that it was enough for him to know that.

"Hey," Carla continued, her eyes pinning him to the spot, "let's make it a little quieter."

"What?"

"Let's quiet things down." Carla took a long deep breath and then she began to sink down; until he could only see her silhouette. Samuel's instincts took over, following her lead.

She was a vision under water, her hair floating around her, eyes as captivating as ever. Samuel swam towards her, both of them staring and unmoving.

A second later, their eyes closed and their foreheads touched. Samuel could sense the inescapable calm slowing down his hammering heart. They stayed down as long as they could, but oxygen became a necessity.

They resurfaced, their foreheads still connected, both gasping for air. They rested in the same position for a long time, trying to delay the inevitable end.

"It's getting late. You have to go," she said.

"I know."

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

Samuel pushed away from her, their eyes glued to one another as he tried to steadily get out of the pool.

He reached for his clothes, not caring that he was going to wear them while still wet. After Samuel was done, he looked back at the girl still in the pool one more time, her back to him. And he could feel the dark clouds emerging again over them as he hastily made his way out of her house.

* * *

Samuel couldn't get past the fact that he was standing in Yeray's house. Carla's, too, if what he'd heard was true. Yeray bought her a fucking house.

Why was he here again?

The second Samuel'd arrived, he regretted it, but Guzman seemed more down than usual after Nadia and Samuel felt bad for the way he'd been treating him, so he stayed.

But Samuel also couldn't keep up a conversation with him, because his eyes seemed determined to find Carla. This was her party and she was no where to be found. A little later he was sauntering around the enormous mansion and he finally spotted her talking to Valerio.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," he muttered angrily to himself, marching towards them. By the time he reached them, Valerio was walking away and Carla looked frustrated. She also looked fucking breathtaking, but that was beside the point.

"Hello."

Carla's head whipped in his direction, raising her eyebrows. "Samuel, you came."

"You did send an invitation."

"Yeah, I just didn't think you'd come."

"I wasn't going to."

"Okay, well," she said with a rehearsed smile, "make yourself at home. Have fun!"

"Why were you talking to Valerio?"

She didn't care enough to pretend anymore. "Relax, Samuel. I don't have anything."

Samuel did relax but he didn't like seeing her so restless.

"It'll get better," he said softly, wishing he could help her, "it'll get easier to resist, you won't always feel like this. You should go see someone and - "

Carla scoffed loudly. "Right. What do you know?"

"More than you, clearly," he retorted a little harshly. She was back to being cold, and it put him on edge. He was fucking sick of it.

Carla shook her head with a chuckle. "Correction, you think you know better."

"In this case, I do. Because right now, you actually think that drugs are gonna make your problems go away. It doesn't work like that and you know it."

"No." she sighed, looking away from him. "it doesn't make anything disappear. But it sure does make life a lot easier and way more fun."

"For a short amount of time and then you're left with the consequences."

"I'm okay with that," she said with indifference, "anyway, I have guests to entertain. Enjoy the party, Samuel."

He opened his mouth to to stop her from leaving, but nothing came out. Suddenly feeling watched, Samuel glanced around and saw Rebe glaring in his direction.

Seriously, why that fuck was he here? He should've stayed home.

As if on cue, Guzman stepped next go him. "Now you're the one in need of a drink."

"I always need a drink," Samuel replied, staring at Carla across the room, "right now, I need twenty."

"Well, Samu," Guzman said, throwing an arm over his shoulder, "I'm sure that can be arranged."

They were five drinks in, and Samuel still couldn't glance away from Carla as she walked around the party, trying to look like she didn't need her next fix like she needed her next breath.

"What's going on with Carla?" Guzman asked from beside him, his tone a bit concerned.

Samuel didn't know if he should tell him. Carla wouldn't like it, even if she pretended not to care what people think. It was private, she just needed to get help and she would be fine. The only reason he'd told Polo; because even if he wasn't the main reason Carla was using currently - the asshole deserved to be reminded of the weight of the pain he had inflicted.

"She's just been having a really tough time."

"Why? She's got a rich boyfriend. She's somehow gotten away with covering up a murder, seems like she doesn't - "

"Don't," Samuel bit out in warning, "you don't know her as well as you think you do."

"All right, sorry." Guzman was taken aback by his tone, showing both palms in surrender. "Listen, I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive her for what she'd done. But you're right, Carla and I haven't been close in a long time. She's definitely - changed."

Samuel's curiosity piqued, his mind racing to ask about Carla before he had gotten to know her. "What was she like?"

"I mean, she hasn't changed that much. She's always been wild, down for whatever. Smart, she recognized what she had and was always quick to take advantage of it. Since she was my sister's first friend, she was mine too."

Guzman let out a small laugh. "I used to have a crush on her."

"What, really?"

"A very small and brief one, years ago, yeah. To be fair, everybody had a crush on Carla."

Of course. Samuel didn't doubt it for a second. She was magnetic.

"We used to talk all the time." Guzman smiled in remembrance. "She helped me with girls, she actually helped me with Lu."

Samuel grinned, wondering what it would've been like if had actually known her back then.

As though she knew they were talking about her, Carla's laughter rang through the air, making both Samuel and Guzman look toward the noise. She was dancing with Yeray, her back pressed against his chest. Samuel's heart pinched painfully and it must have shown on his face, because Guzman put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"You really love her, don't you?"

Maybe it was the alcohol but Samuel felt no need to hide it. "Yes."

"Come on," Guzman said, standing up and motioning for him to follow, "let's get the rest of those twenty drinks in you."

And it didn't stop at twenty, he'd lost count at some point. Samuel had no idea how he actually managed to get home. The last thing he remembered was Carla dancing with Yeray and then his face was smashed into his pillow.

* * *

Samuel wanted to rip his eyes out. This was probably the worst hangover in the history of his short life, and he was expected to sit through classes.

In the middle of his conversation with Guzman, he'd heard the commotion outside. Samuel couldn't really make out what was happening, but he saw Rebe in the middle of Polo and Valerio and instantly sprang to his feet.

"Why the hell are you defending him? He's the reason for what happened last night!" Polo yelled from the floor after Samuel had hit him a couple of times.

"I'm not defending him and what the fuck are you talking about?"

"Carla's in the hospital because of him! The bastard gave her drugs. Again!"

But Samuel didn't hear anything after Carla and hospital. His breath left him in a gust of panic. He froze in terror, heart pounding in his ears.

"What?"

"She overdosed and almost died drowning."

Stop. Stop talking, please. Samuel was going to pass out.

"Tell me." Samuel managed to grit out the demand through the crippling fear that had swept over his body, and Polo understood what he wanted to know.

"They said she's stable, but we can't see her right now."

And then Samuel's panic turned into blind rage as he lunged at Valerio.

"I told you to stay away from her!"

"Samu, stop! Please!" Rebe was pleading loudly. "Samuel! Stop, stop. It was me!"

He faltered mid-hit.

"What?" Samuel didn't recognize his own voice. It was eerily calm.

"I, I did it," Rebe stuttered, "I sold Carla the drugs last night. I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" he could feel his entire body shaking.

"I - I was upset and I didn't know she would take all of it, that she'd actually over - "

"You didn't know!" Samuel snarled and she winced. "So it would've been okay to give it to her if she hadn't overdosed!"

"No, I - "

The principal's door opened, stopping Rebe in her tracks. Azucena looked down at the floor and they all followed her gaze. It seemed during the fight, Rebe had dropped a bag of drugs.

"What is this?" Azucena asked, looking at all of them.

Samuel didn't have time for this, he started to walk away.

"Where are you going?" Azucena asked, "I need to talk to everyone immediately!"

"You can expel me later," he replied, his feet speeding up.

"I have to go with him. Our friend, Carla . . ." Samuel could vaguely hear Guzman's voice from behind him as he sprinted outside.

* * *

Carla's father was staring at him and Samuel was staring right back. He was batshit crazy, if he actually thought that Samuel was going to leave. He'd been sitting in the hospital for the past hour. Guzman and Lu next to him. Yeray and Teodoro siting across from them, while Carla's mother was inside with her, having been the only one allowed to.

After a nurse came out and assured them again that Carla was doing much better and they could see her soon, Samuel felt like he could get up to get some water. He found Yeray standing in front of the vending machine and Samuel almost walked back to his seat, but he knew he needed to hydrate.

Samuel was taking a large gulp of water, when he noticed Yeray still standing behind him. "You want something?"

"I didn't know." it almost sounded like Yeray was talking to himself.

"Sorry?" Samuel asked, even though he really didn't want to speak with him.

"I thought she liked me, I didn't know he was forcing her to be with me."

And for the second time that day, Samuel's heart stopped.

"What did you just say?"

But Yeray was unable to answer, his lips trembling and he looked like he was about to cry. But Samuel didn't give a fuck how Yeray was feeling as he took a threatening step forward. "What did you mean?

And despite the fact that Samuel was already somewhat connecting the dots, he wasn't prepared for what came out of Yeray's mouth next.

Samuel was moving for Teodoro before Yeray was even finished talking, his veins lighting up with undeniable fury.

"You sick asshole!" Samuel's bellow traveled through the hall, as everyone turned to look at him. Teodoro was standing, looking at his phone and when his gaze darted to him, Samuel could see the confusion in them.

"Your own daughter! What the fuck is wrong with you?" without hesitation, Samuel’s fist bashed him hard. And he could finally see realization dawning in Teodoro's eyes as he staggered back. Guzman and Lu were on Samuel in seconds, both trying to hold him back.

"Samu! What are you doing?" Guzman asked.

"Are you out of your mind?" Lu added incredulously.

Venom replaced the brief hint of remorse in Teodoro's eyes as he advanced on Samuel.

"I will end you, you dumb shit!" Teodoro promised, grabbing Samuel out of Guzman's grasp by the collar, before punching him and pushing him up against the wall. "You just signed your death warrant!"

Samuel growled, shoving him back with all his might. "You don't scare me, you disgusting, no good - "

"Hey, hey, break it up!"

Security had gathered around them and started pulling them apart. Actually, they were hauling Samuel away, as they checked on Teodoro.

"Are you okay, sir?" a security guard asked.

"Yes," Teodoro hissed, "throw him out."

"You don't have the right to do that!" Samuel shouted as another guard dragged him away.

"Stop. Don't make this worse for yourself, kid," the guard told Samuel almost kindly as he guided him outside.

"What the fuck was that, Samu?"

Samuel looked up to see that Guzman had followed him out, he was staring at him in complete bewilderment.

"He's a sick of piece of shit!"

"I know that but - "

"He forced Carla to be with Yeray as a part of a fucking contract for his wineries!"

"Holy shit..." Guzman stepped back in shock, his eyes wide.

Dizziness began to hit Samuel at an accelerating rate, this hell of a day was catching up to him all at once. He put a hand on the wall beside him, his head spinning.

"Samu? You okay?"

"All right." Lu had joined them, but Samuel could barely hear her. "I don't know if that was sheer insanity or - wait, what's wrong with him? He looks like he's gonna faint."

And then Samuel was hurling all of his stomach's content onto the ground.

Guzman was behind him, placing a hesitant hand on his back. Samuel kept coughing out everything inside him for a good five minutes. Maybe it was less, but it definitely felt like five.

The painful retching finally came to an end, Samuel slumped against the wall, utterly worn-out.

"Well, that was gross," Lu said, "but I'm sure it only helped. So, is one of you gonna explain what was that back there?"

"I'll tell you later," Guzman said.

"What, why? Just tell me."

"Later, Lu," Guzman insisted, "Samu, you need to go home and get some rest, man."

He couldn't, he had to see her. His anxiety was running high, winding him up so tight, he though he might throw up again.

"I have to see her," he said, his voice gravelly.

"You can forget about that now, genius," Lu said.

"He can't keep me out forever, he doesn't own the hosp - "

"No, he doesn't," Lu interrupted, "but he's still a very powerful, feared man, and you just royally pissed him off."

"I don't give a shit."

"Clearly." she rolled her eyes. "Guzman is right, even if there's a chance you get to see her, it's not now. Go home."

Samuel didn't care about their logic, his emotions were too strung and there was no way in hell he was leaving.

He wasn't there for her, that was all Samuel could think about. He hadn't been there when it all went down, he was too busy drowning his sorrow in alcohol. Guilt and regret clutched his heart.

"I'm staying," Samuel said with finality, moving away from the vomit at his feet to the next nearest wall and letting his body slide against it till he was seated on the ground.

"Okay," Guzman said, sitting down next to him.

"You don't have to."

"She's still my friend, Samu. I want to."

"All right, I'm going back inside," Lu said, turning around, "I'll keep you updated."

"Hi," a voice said a while later.

Samuel glanced up at Rebe, and quickly turned away. He had no idea how she wasn’t at school with Azucena, and he didn’t care to ask. He was still furious. She'd told him she was done, she'd promised. Carla almost died because of the drugs she’d provided.

"What are you guys doing out here? Why aren't you inside?"

When Samuel didn't answer, Guzman supplied, "It's a long story,"

"Uh, okay. Are visitors allowed yet?"

"No, not yet," Guzman told her.

"Leave, Rebeca," Samuel gritted.

"Samu - "

"Leave."

She took a deep breath. "No, I understand that you're mad, but I'm not gonna go."

Samuel wanted to say something back, but he was beyond exhausted. And as long as she didn't talk to him, he could ignore her presence. Samuel was a bit confused when instead of going inside, Rebe chose to sit down next him, she still made sure it was a few inches away. And so the three of them sat there, waiting.

Samuel shut his his eyes, his mind conjuring up images of Carla; smiling, talking, kissing him. And he could feel them trying desperately to ease the overwhelming dread and panic that had erupted within him.


	6. 3x07

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmuel Missing Scenes, 3x07.  
> Warning: (Strong Language, Drug Use.)

The sunlight streaming through the window was almost blinding, it made everything much brighter than it needed to be.

"How are you today?"

"Fine."

"Do you need anything before I go?"

"No, thank you."

The nurse nodded, before finally leaving Carla to her despairing thoughts. It had been three days since she had overdosed and they have yet to release her.

Which was a relief, because she was still processing what'd happened. It was a loss of control Carla had never experienced, and she never wanted to go through something like that again. Flashes of that night wouldn't stop assaulting her mind, the sudden loss of breath, the panic of knowing she was about lose consciousness and there was nothing she could do to stop it. The realization that she was about to die.

But Carla didn't die and and instead of feeling relieved or happy about it, all she felt was nothing. Numb. She might still be in shock. Carla closed her eyes as yet another scene of the party claimed her thoughts.

There was a knock on the door and without waiting for an answer, Lu strolled in. "Finally, you're awake. You sleep all day."

"There's not much to do in here, Lu."

Lu sat at the foot of the bed. "When exactly are they releasing you?"

"I don't know. But my parents are talking to the doctor about it today."

Carla paused, trying to curb her desire to ask about him. Lu had told her about what'd happened with Samuel and her father. Carla was livid, she'd fought with her dad for hours, demanding Samuel to be let in. But to no avail, he wouldn't back down, he'd talked to her like a child as he once again threatened Samuel's life. The only thing he could do to get her to step back. Because her father knew she had no way of ever making sure that Samuel was safe.

"How is he?" she asked Lu timidly.

"Angry. All the time. I'm surprised he's not suffering from high blood pressure."

Carla shut her eyes, her heart breaking for him. She wanted to see him so badly, it felt like a constant ache. "Does he still - ?"

"Yep, every day, just sits outside until Guzman has to force him to go home."

"Why? He knows I'm okay, right?"

"Yes, but he's determined to see you."

Carla scowled in frustration at his actions. "Fuck, my dad could see him."

"Oh, Samuel makes sure he does. I swear he has a death wish," Lu said, then her tone turned angry with disgust. "though I'm happy he punched him. I still can't believe your father actually did that to you."

"God, Lu, this is not a joke. He will kill him," Carla said with so much urgency and fear in her voice, that Lu faltered, her eyes squinting.

"You're serious? Your father would actually. . .?" Lu trailed off.

No one truly knew her family. What they were capable of, the lengths they were willing to go to protect themselves. To achieve anything.

"Yes," Carla replied, not giving any further explanation.

"Carla, murder is a little much, I'm sure your father will calm down. He's always been a bit aggressive, but - "

"Lu," Carla interrupted with a huff. "please just make sure Samuel doesn't provoke him again. Tell him to go home, tell him that I want him to leave."

She knew he wouldn't leave. Carla wished she was allowed her phone, so she could call him, to actually make sure that he was gone.

"Carla - "

"Just do it, Lu. He has to stay away from my father."

And the devil must be eavesdropping, because her father suddenly walked in with a petite, dark-skinned young woman. "Afternoon, darling. How are you feeling today?"

"Fine," Carla said curtly.

"Lu, I'm afraid we need a moment alone with Carla," her father said.

"Okay," Lu said with obvious irritation, looking at Carla with sympathy in her eyes. "I actually have to go meet Nadia, but I'll drop by later."

Carla was still getting used to hearing Lu talk about Nadia without hatred in her voice, she was pleased to see Lu finally moving past her blatant bigotry.

"Okay, I'll see you later."

Closing the door after Lu, her Father turned to look at her. "Carla, this is Nina," he introduced the brunette standing next to him. "she'll be. . .kind of your sponsor from now on."

"What?"

"The hospital is demanding to put you in rehab to assess your case, like some kind of drug addict." he exhaled loudly. "Which you're clearly not, but since it's mandatory and I'm not putting you in an institution. They've assigned Nina, she is an expert. She's willing to stay with you here and at home for however long it takes."

"I don't need a babysitter."

"Apparently, you do. You obviously want some kind of attention, you're going through something - "

"Something?" Carla cut him off harshly. "you mean like my father forci -"

"Shut your mouth!" he barked with warning. "It's decided. Nina will be your shadow from now on. She will be reporting to me, so you follow her orders to the letter, you understand?"

Tears of frustration welled up, and Carla swallowed down the lump in her throat. "Yes."

"Good," he said, turning around to leave. "I have a meeting, but your mother will be here soon."

Carla hoped her mother wouldn't come. She wished neither one of her parents were here.

"So, your father is a bit intense." Nina tried to break the ice after he'd left.

"Don't," Carla bit out. "Don't talk to me. You're here to be a watchdog. So watch."

"No, actually, your father didn't fully explain my role. I'm not just here to monitor you. Mainly, I'm here to examine your mental health, to talk and help you sift through any and all issues you - "

Carla chuckled mirthlessly, standing up and walking toward the bathroom. "You can't help me."

"You have to let me try first before making that judgment."

"Don't bother." and then Carla slammed the bathroom's door in her face.

"Carla," Nina started again from behind the closed door. "I know it feels like the world is against you, that you're alone in this - "

"That sounds rehearsed," Carla said, staring at herself in the mirror. "are you just assuming that's how I feel?"

"It kind of is rehearsed," she could hear Nina's muffled laughter as she answered. "You wanna know why? Because most people who resort to drugs feel the same way. They feel alone, helpless. Like no matter what they do, they can't seem to control anything in their lives."

Throat closing up, Carla put her palm around it, trying to stifle how much Nina's words affected her. "That's not why I did it. I did it because I'm young and dumb, and it was fun."

"I won't be able to help you if you lie to me, Carla."

"I don't want your help."

"But you need it."

"I really don't. I'm fine."

Nina took a deep breath. "You have to stop saying that. You're not fine, Carla. If you just give me a chance, I could really help you."

"You can't. You can't even begin to understand what's going on in my life, just how crazy it all is."

"Try me. I've dealt with people's insane lives before, it's my job to understand and not judge."

"I honestly couldn't care less if you judge me. It's not that, it's about the fact that there's nothing you or anyone could do."

"Come on, Carla, there's always something that could be done, that I can promise you."

Carla puffed out a breath as she started taking her clothes off, getting ready for a shower. "Sorry, but your services are useless."

"Your father seems rather controlling," Nina said abruptly.

"So perceptive," Carla said flatly.

"I caught what you said before he interrupted you. You said forcing, I think? Did he make you do something you didn't wan to do, Carla?"

Carla stilled. Shit. "I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't say that."

"I could do something about it, if he was in any way abusing you - "

"What the fuck? No, he's not."

"Carla, you can tell me anything."

"Right, like he doesn't already have you in his pocket."

"Your father might be paying me, but he has no power over me or what I do with my patients. And nothing can compromise my integrity and commitment to my job," Nina replied, a bit indignantly but not unkindly.

Carla wanted to believe her. She wanted to believe in a chance that there was an out. But there wasn't, because no matter how honest Nina was about helping, she was no match for her father's ruthlessness.

Carla didn't want her to know anyway, 'cause even after everything her parents had done, she didn't want to put them in that kind of trouble.

"Whatever you say. I'm gonna take a shower now, so will you please leave the room for a bit or is that too much to ask?"

"Sure, Carla. Take all the time you need, we'll talk later."

A minute later Carla heard the door shut, and she closed her eyes in relief. She was not all that surprised to find that tears were rolling down her cheeks, her emotions were in a constant whirlwind, even that she couldn't control. Carla let out a low growl, gazing at her own image in the mirror. She looked weak, which was appropriate, because she felt it too. The dark bags under her eyes were taunting her, there was no sign of blood in her ashen face.

Carla inhaled deeply, looking away from herself and stepping into the shower.

* * *

Another four days and she was finally released, Carla had seen Samuel outside of the hospital as she was leaving with her parents. She'd glimpsed it in his eyes, in his body language, he'd wanted to come to her, he was moving towards her. But with a shake of her head, her eyes had pleaded with him to not try anything. To stay put. He'd hesitated, his eyes alight with worry and anger, but had reluctantly complied and watched her as she once again left him behind.

Word traveled fast and the only reason going to school was bearable, was that people kinda feared Carla and stayed away, but that didn't stop the looks, the whispers. Or the fake, obligatory, 'how are yous'.

The second Samuel caught sight of her, he was briskly walking through the hall to where she was standing. Carla was happy to see him, she really, really was, she felt a sense of calm the moment she saw him. But Carla was also apprehensive, knowing that he knew was disconcerting. She was dreading their conversation.

Carla had no time to react when he reached her, his hand clasping her wrist, tugging her forward, before turning around and making his way down the hall.

"Samuel. . ." but he didn't seem to listen, practically dragging her behind him as she struggled to keep up with his steps. Samuel stopped at an empty classroom, steering her inside before following after her. He shut the door, spinning around to face her.

Before Carla could utter a word, Samuel was in front of her, his palms grasping her face, his eyes frantically scanning every inch of her. He looked so worried.

"I'm okay." she reassured him softly. His eyes snapped up to hers, and then he yanked her so hard into his chest, she would've stumbled if it weren't for his tight hold.

"I've never been so scared." his voice carried so much emotion.

"I'm okay," she said again, her heart beating rapidly, she hated seeing him so unsettled, so rattled. Because of her.

He craned his head back, looking at her sternly. "You're done. You're never doing that again. Never."

"I won't."

Samuel kissed her forehead, trailing down to her cheek, before finally capturing her lips softly.

"Carla," he whispered, drawing back quickly. "fuck, I don't think that feeling of panic will ever leave me."

Her stomach sank. Carla knew that feeling well, it was how she felt when she'd thought he was dead. "I'm sorry."

Samuel hugged her again, squeezing tightly. Maybe a little too tightly. Normally, Carla wouldn't have minded, but her bones were still aching and her energy still a little drained.

"Samuel," she began gently. "it's a little hard to breathe."

"Shit! I'm sorry." he jumped back so fast, Carla let out a small laugh.

"It's all right."

Samuel chuckled nervously. "Sorry, just making sure you're here."

He was trying to keep his tone light, but the honesty behind his words was evident through the tremble in his voice. Carla took a step closer to him, raising her hand to stroke his cheek softly.

"I'm here." he closed his eyes, leaning into her touch.

A little later they were sitting on opposite desks, facing each other. And Carla could just sense their previously easy conversation drifting into unwanted territory.

"So this Nina is doing her job, right?" Samuel asked after she'd told him about her.

"Yeah, she's been kinda helpful and persistent."

He looked relieved. "Good."

"I - we should talk."

And there it was. The tense pause in the air, crackling around them, she really didn't want to talk about it, but she knew that Samuel wasn't going to let it go.

"Carla, we have to talk about it."

"Do we? There's nothing I could do. So why bother?"

"Why bother? Carla, I found out you were forced into a relationship by your own father while you were in the hospital after almost dying. We are talking about it."

His tone left no room for argument, Carla crossed her arms defensively. "What do you want me to say?"

"I want to know everything."

"You already know everything."

"Not from you."

"We were gonna lose the wineries, he made some threats, the usual. I had no choice but to agree. There, now you're all caught up."

"Carla, don't dismiss this. This is fucked up."

"I know."

"You have to tell someone," he said steadily.

"Someone?"

"Carla, he has to be reported. You - "

"Report him? Are you suggesting I go to the police?" Carla asked incredulously.

"Yes. Or Social services."

Carla stood up, her skin crawling with anxiety. "You can’t be serious."

He rose to his feet. "Of course I am. Carla, he's making you do this against your will. It's abuse."

"I don't care. I'm not telling on him."

"Why the fuck not?"

Because it didn't matter what he'd done. He was her father and she couldn't do that to him.

"He's still my father, Samuel," she said quietly.

"A father who used his daughter in more ways than one. He does not deserve your loyalty." his voice was beginning to rise and she didn't like it.

"Samuel, calm down."

"Are you kidding me? No, I won't calm down. Carla, you're not staying in a relationship for five years - "

"Lower your fucking voice!" she moved toward him angrily. "This has nothing to do with you."

"I can't believe this."

He was getting on her nerves. "Don't you think I've thought of everything? Don't you think that if there was solution, I would've found it?"

"There is a solution."

"I'm not reporting him, Samuel!"

"Jesus fucking Christ, Carla!" he growled loudly, frustration dripping from his every word. "What exactly is your plan? Are you actually planning to stay with Yeray for five years? Is that what you're telling me?"

"Yes," Carla replied monotonously.

Samuel was quiet for a beat, his chest heaving. "Holy shit, he broke you."

She blinked. "What?"

"The Carla I know _, my_ Carla, would never take shit lying down." he shook his head with pity. "You're broken."

A slap would've hurt less. But what cut much deeper was the truth of what he'd said.

She was broken.

In an instant, regret flashed in Samuel's eyes, he tried reaching for her, but she rejected his touch. "I’m sorry, I didn't mean it like that, I - "

"Yes, you did," she said dryly. "but don't worry, I don't care what you think, Samuel."

He tried to touch her again and she jerked her hand away. "Carla, please - "

"No, you may be right, but that doesn't change anything, I still can't do anything about it."

Samuel slammed his eyes shut, she could feel his frustration charging the space between them. "Carla, stop saying that. Please, I'm begging you. Please, you have to tell someone, it's the only way."

"It's so easy for you to say that, isn't it?"

"What?"

"What if it were your mother? Would you do it then?"

He hesitated for a moment, a little taken aback by her question. "Yes."

Carla scoffed loudly. "Right."

"If she did all the horrific things your father had done," he paused, stepping closer to her. "If she abused her daughter, if she tried killing someone - if she covered up a murder. Then yes, I'll do it."

It was a stupid question, because of course Samuel would. But he didn't know what it was like, he could talk hypothetically all he wanted, things were different when they were actually happening to a person.

"Trust me, you wouldn't be so sure if you were me."

"It would be difficult, yes. But I will do it."

"Well, I'm not you."

Samuel sighed heavily. "Carla, I know that no matter how awful he is, you love him. He's your father, you can't help it, I get it. But please, you have to see that he needs to be stopped."

"I know that!" she snapped. "But I don't think you realize the power my father has. I'm not sure the police could do anything, he'll probably get out of it in less than 24 hours. You of all people, should know how incompetent they are."

Not to mention that she wouldn't do it anyway, but Carla didn't say that out loud.

Samuel raked an anxious hand through his hair. "There must be something we could do. There's no way he's gonna keep doing this to you."

Carla paused, something was suddenly appearing in front of her, as though a fog had been lifted. An idea was forming in the back of her mind and she needed to be alone in order to formulate it.

"Samuel, we're going in circles."

"Then let's go in circles till we find something. I don't care."

"I need to go. I have to call Nina every hour."

Samuel grabbed her arm before she could leave, his eyes were so afraid, so worried. "Wait, Carla, if you don't want to report him, there must be something else."

There might be.

"Carla, please, we need to think and come up with something."

"We?"

"Yes," he said adamantly.

Carla shook her head, making her way to the door. "Samuel, I told you, I can deal with my own shit."

He followed her. "No, no, no, You're not shutting me out. I'm not letting you out of my sight until I know you’re safe from that pathetic excuse of a father."

Carla couldn't help the smile that pulled on her lips as she turned back towards him. "I'm not shutting you out."

"It feels like it."

"Samuel, I need to fix this on my own, do you trust me?"

Trust. That question was more important, more vital to their relationship than anything else. Because in a way they had everything but that. Their start had been manipulated by both parties, so it was no wonder that trust was what they'd always lacked.

"Carla - "

"Do you trust me, Samuel?"

It was such a difficult question to answer, after all the lies she had told, all the shit she had done, she would never blame him if he said no, she expected it. Deserved it.

Samuel's eyes locked with hers. "Yes."

Her heart leapt in her chest, and Carla almost asked him to repeat himself. Because how could he trust her?

"So you know I'll handle it. We'll talk later, I promise."

Carla lingered just for a second longer, till she could see in his eyes that he believed her, and then she was gone.

* * *

Carla almost died. And for six days in the hospital, she'd felt nothing, emotionless. But then on the seventh day, the final day, when the realization hit that she had to go back into the world and move on from the traumatic event. The terror of that night had settled into her abdomen again. As though she was transported back into it. She'd felt it all, the overdosing, the drowning; waking up in the hospital, confused and disoriented. So fucking scared and alone.

Nina had looked at her and said. "Now that you're accepting the situation, we can continue from home."

And the next day she had been released. Because Nina said Carla was ready. Nina might not be powerful enough to deal with her father, but Carla knew of a way to utilize her.

Or at least she hoped. This whole plan might backfire. It wasn't even a plan, it was Carla grasping at anything, trying to find a sliver of light through the darkness. Maybe that light will lead her to a way out, or it might die out all together.

Because she almost died. And trying this was all she had left.

It was graduation day, and Nina had the day off, but the night before Carla had sat her down and discussed the whole thing with her. And now Carla was stood in front of her parents, bracing herself for the confrontation that'd been a long time coming.

Carla cleared her throat loudly, grabbing the attention of both her parents, she smiled at them.

"Darling, you look beautiful," her mother said, "but isn't it a little early to be dressed?"

"I like to be prepared," Carla replied, walking over and taking a seat on the chair in front of the couch, facing both of them."I have something to tell you."

"What is it?" her father asked, not looking up from his phone.

"I'm done."

He finally glanced up. "What?"

"I don't care about the wineries or what this family needs anymore."

Her mother sighed. "Carla, we've been over this."

With a roll of his eyes, her father said. "Don't acknowledge her, let her throw her tantrum, so we could all move on with our day."

Carla bristled. "Tantrum? Because I don't wanna be treated like an object you could use or sell to get what you want. You'd think you know that, but I actually have to say it."

Her father threw his phone beside him. "How many times do I have to say it? You're helping this family, you're saving all of us. What you're doing is import - "

"I think I've done more than enough!"

"Well, looks like you're gonna have to do a little more!"

"No."

"What?"

"No."

"Carla, If you don't stop this right now, I swear, I'll - "

"You'll what, Dad?" she challenged. "Kill me? I doubt I'll be much use to you if you can't sell my body."

Her mother gasped. "Carla!"

"Or maybe," Carla continued, ignoring her mother. "You'll just tie me up in chains, put me in a box, and deliver me to Yeray's doorstep."

"Because let me tell you something, Dad." Carla leaned in, emphasizing her next words. "That's the only fucking way I'll go."

"That's enough!" her father stood up from his seat, and Carla immediately followed, not letting him intimidate her. "you'll do as you're told."

"No, I really won't."

"Yes, you will. Because of course I'm not gonna hurt you, Carla. But we both know who I'm very much willing to hurt."

Samuel.

Carla tried to rein in her rising anger. She had to be stone cold to pull this off.

She smiled and her father gave her a perplexed look, trying to gauge what was behind it.

"You won't come near him."

"You're sure about that?"

"No. But I'm going to ensure it." she moved closer to him. "You know, Nina really helped me. You were right, she knows what she's doing."

"What exactly do you mean?" It was her mother's soft voice that asked.

"Well." Carla sighed dramatically. "A near-death experience can really mess someone up, and Nina understood that, you know. So she just kept pushing me to open up.

"To let it all out, to release myself from the pain, she'd said. And I resisted, of course. . .at first."

Carla could see both her parents tensing up. "But then I just talked and talked."

"Fucking hell." her mother rarely cursed.

Her father scoffed. "Don't listen to her. She's bluffing."

"Am I?"

"You're smarter than that, Carla, you're not gonna blurt shit out. And you don't break down easily."

"Oh, thanks, Dad," Carla said sarcastically. "You're right. I didn't have a meltdown or just blurted it out. I deliberately told her. Last night."

"What?"

"Yeah, told her everything. Well, not everything. But just enough that she feels the need to do something about it."

Her father advanced on her furiously. "You're lying!"

Good. Time for the last resort. Carla opened her clutch to grab her phone, then dialed Nina's number, putting her on speaker.

"Hello, Carla. Are you feeling any better after last night?" Nina's voice filled the air.

Carla masked her voice to sound like crying. "No, listen, about what I said last night. Don't do anything with it, please."

"Carla, I have to. From what you've told me, I have no choice but to report it," Nina said gently.

Her father's eyebrows rose and her mother inhaled sharply.

Carla pretended to let out a small sob. "Please, I was just tired and sad last night, you - you can't say anything. I'm scared."

"Carla, I promise you, you'll be safe. You don't have to be scared. I need you to stay strong for this, okay? It'll be over soon. You just have to trust me."

Carla feigned a loud sniff. "Okay, thank you. I'll talk to you later, Nina."

"Anytime you need to, Carla. Just focus on graduating, okay? Congratulations."

"Thank you, bye."

Her eyes hadn't left her dad's the entire call. And she had never seen him this angry.

"You spoiled little brat!" He grabbed a vase from the table next to him and threw it hard at the wall, she could see her mother flinching from the corner of her eye. But Carla didn't even move a muscle.

"What the fuck did you tell her?"

"Does it matter?"

"Tell me exactly what she knows. Now!" Her father bellowed.

"Who are you? How could you do this to us?" her mother asked bitingly.

"How could I?" Carla yelled, glaring at her. "How fucking dare you ask me that? Are you delusional? Do you not realize what you've put me through?"

"We told you, we have no choice," her mother said firmly. "we're gonna lose the wineries. We're gonna lose everything."

"Then lose it!" Carla snapped, her breath leaving her in painful bursts. "Dammit, you lose it. Start from scratch. Get average-paying jobs. Sell this fucking house! I don't care. But you don’t - you don't do that to your daughter."

At last Carla could see it, the shame and guilt flickering in her mother's eyes, before she tried to hide it and regain her composure.

"You're a part of this family. You should want to protect it." 

"I did protect it! Until I couldn't take it anymore, until I _literally_ couldn't breathe."

"Don't blame your overdose on us! You chose to do that," she said.

"Don't worry, Mom, I don't. I just blame you for everything else."

Suddenly her father was in front of her, seizing her by the shoulders tightly. "Tell me what you told her. I won't ask again!"

Carla simply smiled, roughly shoving him back. "I told you. I gave her enough."

He looked up at the ceiling, before his eyes darted back to her. "You know what, that's fine. It really doesn't matter what she knows. I'll take care of it."

They all knew what that meant.

"I thought you might say that. First of all: she's going today, I don't think you'd have the time to send anyone after her, it'll be too late. Second of all: if anything happens to her, I'm turning you in myself."

"You wouldn't dare. You forget I'm your father, I know you're trying to get in my head."

"I guess we'll see." she shrugged calmly

"Yeah, we will, even if you go through with it. I have friends in the force, darling. And no one is gonna believe the words of a petulant, spoiled drug user."

"True, but I figured I don't need to worry about that, and just hand them what I know. You see, all I have to do is plant the seed. Your own daughter accusing you - of anything; It raises questions, builds suspicion. All it takes is one rumor, one story about you that spreads like wildfire."

"Don't fucking test me, Carla!"

Carla walked over to him, her eyes catching his fiercely, "I should give you up, I shouldn’t even hesitate at all. But you're still my dad."

Carla's gaze moved to her mother. "And you're still my mom. So here's what's gonna happen, you're gonna let me go, leave me alone. Completely. You will never tell me what to do again, and I will go to Nina and retract everything, tell her I lied. Like you said, I was just a spoiled teenager craving attention."

Silence. They weren't looking at her, and Carla had a moment of panic that it wasn't going to work.

"Can you really change her mind?" her mother finally asked in a small voice.

"She knows I admitted to lying in court, so it's not that far-fetched that I'd do it again. She also needs me to back up her claims. I'm sure I could lie to her just fine. It's what I'm known for."

Carla felt a sharp pang of sadness at the absurdity of her situation. She was standing there, bargaining with her parents to give back her freedom. The two people who were supposed to love her the most in this world, to protect her, to cherish her. Carla could feel her eyes pooling with tears and quickly shook herself back to the matter at hand.

"So what do you say? Do we have a deal?"

Her father looked at her, and for a second Carla could see an emotion cross his eyes briefly, a hint of something she had long forgotten.

He heaved a sigh. "I hope you're happy when everything is gone and we have nothing, and then you remember you had a chance to fix it but didn't."

"It's not my job to fix it," Carla hissed. "and I'd be more than happy to help, if it didn't involve me giving up my free will."

Carla wiped a tear that couldn't help but slip. "I need to hear you say it, Dad."

He gritted his teeth. "We have a deal."

"Good, I'll tell her to meet me after graduation."

But Carla didn't need to do that, since Nina knew nothing. It took some time to convince Nina to partake in her ploy.

Given that Carla wrote the words she needed Nina to say when she called, the words purposely vague and general, Nina, of course, strongly refused. She was very skeptical and concerned. But Carla was nothing if not persuasive, and she hadn't let her go until she'd very reluctantly agreed to help. All Nina had to do was follow the script. Carla'd also promised Nina that if she did her this one favor, she'd stay on as her patient and keep the treatment going; that she'd actually do the work. Which was less than ideal, but a small price to pay in the grand scheme of things.

"You're welcome to come if you still want to," Carla said quietly, moving toward the door.

"The ceremony is still two hours away, where are you going?" her mother asked. Carla rolled her eyes, they'd just finished discussing leaving her alone.

Carla couldn't help looking at her father as she answered. "Yeray's. To break up with him."

His fists clenched and Carla smirked, informing him of one last thing before leaving. "Oh, and if you ever threaten Samuel's life again, if you so much as look at him the wrong way, deal's off."

* * *

Polo had ruined everything.

Carla was finally ready to talk Samuel, her life somewhat finding a balance. They had so much to talk about. Samuel's eyes had glanced at her in a way that caused goosebumps to erupt all over her skin as he waited for her to speak.

Then Polo'd barged in and Samuel seemed to check out.

Carla was perched on a stool, observing the crowd, when Rebe came up to her.

"I told you he was losing it," Rebe said urgently.

"Sorry?"

"Samuel. You need to calm him down."

"What happened?" Carla sat up in worry.

"He's been pestering me for the past ten minutes, asking me to tell my mother to send someone after Polo."

Carla's frown deepened, her heart sinking. "That's not like him."

"Yeah, no shit. Come with me."

Carla walked with Rebe to the far back of the club, where Samuel was leaning against the wall, staring intensely ahead. She didn't need to follow his gaze to know who he was glaring at.

She could feel his anger vibrating around them.

"Samuel," Carla said softly, but he didn't seem to hear her. "Samuel?"

Nothing.

"Samuel!" Rebe raised her voice, snapping her fingers in front of his face.

That did the trick, he shook his head as though he'd just woken up, before looking at Rebe, standing up in alarm. "Are you gonna do it? Are you gonna send someone?"

Rebe huffed. "I said no."

"Please - "

"No!"

Samuel glared at Rebe, still not acknowledging Carla. "I don't know why you're so against it, God knows you do your fair share of illegal shit. You know, like selling drugs and almost killing Car - "

"Samuel!" Carla interjected loudly.

Samuel's head whipped fast in her direction, his eyes widened in surprise, before looking away.

Carla glanced at Rebe. "Could you give us a minute?"

"Please." Rebe put up both hands, already walking backwards. "Good luck."

Carla's gaze settled back on him. "What's wrong, Samuel?"

"Are you really asking me that? What's wrong?"

"Yes."

"Well, Carla, everything is wrong," he said mockingly.

"You know what I meant, Samuel. What’s wrong?"

"You mean other than a murderer roaming around freely?"

She sighed, taking his hand and moving them over to a quiet, secluded corner, away from view. "Samuel, you have to let that go before it consumes you. I thought you were finally trying to move on."

"How could I do that when he's always here? He's always fucking here." he slumped against the wall tiredly.

Carla slid over, leaning against the wall next to him and grabbing his hand. "What happened, Samuel?" she tried again.

He breathed in shakily. "They can't come back."

Oh, no.

"Why?"

"It doesn't even matter. They lied. They all fucking lied." his voice broke and she could feel a twinge, twisting her chest.

"I'm so sorry, Samuel."

Knowing that words weren't what he needed, Carla put an arm around him, resting her head on his shoulder. Samuel gripped her hand tighter, their fingers slotting together. They remained like that for a while, she could feel him slowly letting go of the tension.

"What were you gonna say before?"

She hesitated. "Let's talk about it later."

"Why?

"It's just not the time and you're drunk."

"I'm not that drunk."

She laughed lightly. "Sure, Samuel."

"Tell me. Please." his eyes met hers.

"Fine, I'll tell you a part of it."

He rolled his eyes. "Okay."

"I broke up with Yeray."

Samuel straightened up. "Really?"

Carla smiled. "Yes, I also...dealt with my family."

"How?"

"Later."

"No, now. I have to know, Carla."

"And you will."

When you’re sober, she finished to herself.

"Carla, I - "

"I'll tell you all about it later. But the important part is, it's over. I'm done."

Samuel shut his eyes, body sagging in relief as he tugged her closer. "There she is, there's my girl."

He was drunk, all right. Carla let out a short giggle. "I can't believe you just said that."

But Samuel didn't laugh, didn't even smile, his eyes boring into hers heatedly. "Why, you are, aren't you?"

Carla was so trapped under his penetrating gaze, it took her a minute to realize he posed it as a question. Before she could respond, Samuel spoke again.

"Kiss me."

Her heart fluttered. "Not sure if that's a good idea when you're drunk."

"Come on, just one quick kiss."

"Samuel."

"Kiss me, please." he stared at her lips, his voice low and husky.

Not fair.

Just one quick kiss.

Carla reached forward, very gently brushing his lips, fully intending on pulling back; but Samuel didn't let her. Once he felt her moving back, he clutched the back of her neck, bringing her back to him passionately, his tongue parting her her lips.

Carla let out a surprised moan, unable to resist giving in for a minute, before pushing him away with a playful jab. "You lied."

Samuel only shrugged, half a grin on his beautiful face. "Couldn't help it."

After a while they were finally ready to move from their spot. Though, Carla would've been happy to spend all night with him in that isolated, dark corner.

"I really don't wanna be here anymore," Samuel said.

"We can leave if you want," Carla said soothingly. "But if you want him to stop having power over you. I'd recommend not leaving and simply ignoring him."

"How the hell do I do that?"

Carla smirked, edging closer to him, her fingers teasing their way up his chest; tracing the exposed skin of his neck. "Focus on me. Just keep looking at me."

"So my natural state then?" Samuel replied smoothly, his lips curling in a smile.

He said it so causally, and with such certainty, it rendered her a little speechless. Carla was probably staring at him a little intensely, because she could feel his pulse picking up under her hand.

"That's your natural state, huh? That must be difficult for you."

"No, it's pretty great, actually."

* * *

It was fucked up how a second could change everything. How one simple tick of the clock could turn your world upside down.

Polo was dead.

Lu did it.

Was it fate? That she was the one that had stumbled on Lu? If so, then fate must'd been on Lu's side. Because Carla wouldn't let her friend pay for this.

Polo was dead. Her first boyfriend, her friend. Polo was dead. Repeating it in her head didn't help make her understand, it didn't make sense. It would never make sense.

Fear twisted her insides when she'd walked in on her best friend. She'd acted on impulse, her feet springing into action without caution. It was Lu. But when her gut reaction had settled, when she'd taken a long, deep breath and realized the gravity of the situation. That she had put herself in the same position once again.

Carla went to him.

Which she was now realizing was a big fucking mistake. After she'd whispered to him what had unfolded, he'd grabbed her wrist until they reached the bathroom.

Samuel was too quiet. The anxiety stirring in her stomach was starting to spread to her lungs, feeling a momentary lack of oxygen every time she tried to inhale.

"Why would you do that?" his voice was so low, she could barely hear him.

"Samuel - "

"What the fuck possessed you yo do that again, Carla?" She could definitely hear him now.

Her mouth parted, but words weren't coming out.

"Again! What's wrong with you?"

"I'm -"

"Don't even try justifying it. You have the fucking murder weapon in your purse, Carla!"

"It wan't murder. It was an accident!"

"Do you actually think that matters? Even if it did, it's useless now, 'cause Lu would've been able to explain it was an accident before. But now? Shouldn't you know better?"

"Samuel, it's Lu, I had to - "

"I don't fucking care who it is! You're an accomplice now. I mean, fuck, Carla, do you _want_ to go to jail?"

Oh, God. She'd dragged him into this. She made him complicit, too. Why the fuck did she go to him?

"Will you just calm down for one second?" she rasped, feeling as though her heart was about to stop.

"What are you gonna do with it? What exactly were you thinking - "

"I don't know!"

Quiet spilled over them for a minute, Samuel's eyes burning into hers, she could see the wheels turning in his head.

"Give it to me."

Her heart drummed loudly in her ears.

"What?"

Samuel moved toward her. "Give me the bottle, Carla."

He'd lost his mind.

She immediately took a step back. "No."

"Carla, I'm not letting you do this. Hand it over."

His voice was hard, unyielding, and it caused the dread she'd been feeling to flare.

"There's no way I'm doing that, Samuel."

Anger painted his eyes in an even darker shade, his jaw ticked as he took a large step closer. "I'm not arguing about this. You will give it to me, Carla."

"No! I made the decision to pick it up, this is on me. I'll handle it."

"Carla, If you don't - "

The bathroom door being thrown open without knocking interrupted them, Valerio walked in, his eyes frantic - Lu, right behind him, eyes still unfocused and her body stiff with shock.

Lu told him.

"You know," Carla stated.

"We all do," Valerio said. "Come on, we need you out there."

Carla exchanged a worried look with Samuel before they all went outside.

* * *

Carla - along with each one of them had made a decision. They all made a choice, a choice they all had to live with.

If Carla was sure of anything in this world, it was that secrets tended to come out and bite you. Sooner or later, one way or another, secrets always manage to claw their way out. Living with the burden of their lie was going to take many forms, but the one form it was going to take the most, would be constant fear, the dread every time a phone would ring; the distrust that would come with meeting anyone new.

They were all going to carry it - till its inevitable drop.

It was odd how Carla wanted to stay with Samuel, bask in his comfort, yet she also wanted to run away from him. She struggled to figure out the swirl of emotions inside, but she could only bring herself to focus on two - guilt and sadness.

Samuel'd asked her again, 'what were you gonna tell me?'

What was she going to say? Carla didn't know anymore.

So she'd told half a truth, hoping it was enough for both of them. But Carla knew it wasn't enough, she couldn't believe after everything, that was it.

Carla was half way down the street when she heard his voice calling out her name. She stopped. Her heart hammering away in her chest. What was she expecting? Nothing. She'd already told him she was going away. There was nothing to expect or anticipate or hope for.

"Carla, wait," he paused, his eyes flitting to hers. "Is this really it? We're leaving it like this?"

“Samuel - “

“I just don’t understand, are we not even gonna talk about it?”

"I have to leave, it's college." It was better for both of them. Mostly him.

"Carla, I'm obviously not saying you shouldn't go to college. It's just when you were talking earlier, it seemed like - " he trailed off.

_Like I want to be with you, she thought to herself._

Carla had thought they had more time before talking about college and the future, she had went up to him, simply giddy that she could actually do that. She could be with him. Carla wasn't thinking about anything else, but it had all come crashing down. Rebe's words, Samuel's willingness to take that bottle from her, Polo's death.

Carla didn't think they had time anymore, maybe their future arrived early, because it was for the best. She had to let him go.

Samuel cleared his throat. "When exactly are you leaving?"

"Uh, I'm not sure."

Samuel nodded, his gaze flicking away for just a second, then going back to hers. "Okay, well, I'm sure you still have time, Carla. We should at least meet up, you know? Before you go."

Hope was such a dangerous thing. If she were to let in, it would only disappoint. They were always joined by tragedy, that was why they had come together in the first place. And they'd just shared another one and he was still here. Carla had brought him pain and heartache; and he still wanted to see her, still wanted to be with her.

No, we shouldn't - was probably the right, selfless reply. Carla knew she had to say no, but she didn't.

"Okay."


	7. 3x08 - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmuel Missing Scenes, 3x08 - Part 1.  
> Warning: (Intimate Sexual Situations, Strong Language.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you're all doing well.  
> So I was planning on posting the last 2 parts on the same day but that would've taken way too long, so I decided to just post the part I'm done with.  
> I also forgot to add a quick note for last chapter, I’m aware that I ignored the show’s timeline (with 3x07 and 3x08.)----I kinda just put the whole murder plot in 3x07, 'cause it worked with the chapter. But mainly, it's because I wanted 3x08 to be entirely about Carmuel/Samucarla. Anyway, thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoy.
> 
> WARNING: This chapter contains Explicit Sexual Situations.

Given everything that'd happened, Carla was taking her time to get back into the swing of things. But then again things had been terrible, so maybe she shouldn't bother. A fresh start was probably the best option and she was lucky that she even had one. Carla had dodged too many bullets, it was time she stopped walking into the line of fire.

Going to Polo's funeral had provided a closure Carla didn't know she'd needed. She wasn't just letting go of someone she loved, she was letting go of everything that'd come with him. Unfortunately, it also meant she had to let go of all the good memories as well. And that when sadness hit viciously, mourning for Polo, the Polo she remembered before all that shit had happened. He was gone, and Carla wanted to believe that she could remember him for the good things because the bad things had been buried with him. But it wasn't that simple, was it?

Life for her had gotten calmer after the funeral, stagnant, even. Carla liked that, it was a much needed change of pace. But life was also moving fast, soon everyone was starting their own journey, paving their own path, and while Carla never liked to admit to these kind of things, it was sad that they wouldn't be sharing their lives with each other anymore.

Carla wasn't gonna lie to herself, she didn't have many friends, there were a few select people she was going to miss when she left Spain. And try as she might, Carla couldn't stop thinking about one person in particular. Samuel had occupied her mind every second of every day.

They had called each other, it was mostly Samuel. Carla was still feeling a considerable amount of guilt and she had tried to keep their phone calls short and terse. She was preparing both of them. But Samuel, Samuel was relentless, calling, trying to get her to agree on meeting.

But then everything changed.

Carla had told him the exact date she was leaving and it was like a bucket of ice water that she'd felt being dumped on both of them over the phone.

And that was when Samuel had started pulling back. He called less and less and when Carla was brave enough to call, sometimes he didn't answer. Days passed quickly after that, Carla got busy making arrangements for the wineries and Samuel was busy avoiding her, so she didn't really know what was going on in his life.

Carla would be lying if she said his actions weren't just a bit confusing; since he was the one so adamant on 'hanging out' before she left. But Carla also knew he was only trying to protect himself from what he knew was coming, or maybe he was just done with her. Which was what Carla wanted in the first place. So why was she so frustrated with him?

Carla was getting more irritated with the situation every day. Samuel had finally realized she was right and he was letting her go. She should be grateful that he'd woken up and realized they had no chance of a future anymore.

Carla was glad, she was okay with it. Until Lu and Guzmán had planned an outing to get everyone together, including Samuel, of course.

The gathering was held at this cute, cozy bar. It was pretty mellow and atmospheric; twinkling lights all over the ceiling, soft music playing in the background so people could actually hear each other. A perfect place for friends to hang out before everything changed and they all went their separate ways.

They were all currently sitting around two tables, which they'd pushed together earlier in the evening. And other than a 'hello' that was meant for the entirety of their group, Samuel hadn't tried talking to her, he didn't even grant her a private greeting.

Good for him. It was for the best.

"All right, darlings," Lu began, standing up and addressing the table, raising her glass. "I'd like to make a quick toast. . .we've survived some serious shit, haven't we? It's a little crazy to think about the insanity that's been in all of our lives. Everyone here has been through a lot, some of it we share, some of it we don't. But we're all here right now. Together. And I'd like to think that we've grown enough to understand each other.

"To be there for each other, even if it's not physically." Lu paused, eyes brimming with tears. "I guess I'm just grateful that when it mattered most, I wasn't alone. We'll never forget what we've been through and who we lost - " Lu's breath caught in her throat as she stuttered over her words and Carla felt an instant need to comfort her friend, grabbing her hand and squeezing gently.

Sitting on the other side of Lu, Nadia put a hand on Lu's shoulder, rising up next to her and nodding reassuringly as she started speaking. "As Lu was saying, we'll never forget. We are always bound. So here's to everything. To the people we lost.To the good memories and the bad ones, too. To Las Encinas, for bringing us all together...to long nights spent studying and - "

"Oi, speak for yourself!" Rebeca exclaimed jokingly, causing a round of laughter to break out.

"Anyway." Nadia glared playfully at Rebeca, before turning to smile softly at Lu. "To unexpected friendships. To the scary, uncertain future. To sticking together no matter what, and having faith even when things turned bleak and it felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel. To - to loving each other regardless of the consequences." Nadia said the last part staring at Guzmán and he was staring right back.

Carla found her eyes darting to Samuel, catching his eyes for less than a second before he quickly averted them.

Nadia wiped a single tear that'd escaped her eyes, before smiling widely at the whole table. "To friends. To family!"

"Yeah!"

"Damn right!"

Cheers and excited affirmations exploded all around Carla, who was only focused on one thing.

While Carla had no right to be angry with Samuel, she was a little pissed off at his new found dismissive nature. Ever since she'd decided to study abroad, Carla's been having second thoughts, but they were just thoughts. Normal, predictable doubts that came with big decisions and life-changes. It didn't mean Carla was going to stay and it definitely didn't mean Samuel was going with her.

They were too young to feel like this. Carla questioned her sanity sometimes, the fact that it seemed like she was always going to be this far gone for him. How could someone feel this much at this age? That was why she'd pretended her feelings for him were sexual compatibility for the longest time. Their chemistry was just intense and it could be easily interpreted into something more than it was.

But staring at him on the other side of the table as he talked with Omar, her eyes unable to focus on anything else, Carla was hit with realization yet again that she was in love with him.

Samuel was wearing a simple black, long-sleeved shirt with faded blue jeans. His hair was longer, but not too long, just long enough to make her fingers itch to run through it. His lips relaxed into half a smile as he listened to whatever Omar was telling him. Her eyes shamelessly admired his features. His sharp jaw which she wanted to lick with her tongue, his rosy, full lips that she wanted to kiss until they were both crying out for air. The slim, pointy slope of his nose, releasing breaths she wanted to feel on her skin.

Then Carla reached his eyes. And they weren't on her.

And she fucking hated how her heart kept yanking its own strings calling out for them to stay on her. They always had. His eyes were always on her, one way or another, they always seemed to find her and latch on. But Samuel hadn't looked at her, _really_ looked at her since that morning after Polo's death.

After their conversation that day. Carla had finally allowed herself to believe they were going to take advantage of whatever time they had left, that it wasn't the worst idea in the world. The other - more logical and prominent part - knew it was easier to just let things be, and not stir any more unnecessary pain. They'd had enough of that, it was better to leave things, untouched, clean, and simple for once. It was naive and reckless to start something when she knew the ugly, inevitable end.

And yet as Carla watched him, she suddenly didn't care much about any of that, she knew the risks and she still wanted him one last time. But it seemed Samuel was more in agreement with his logical side these days. The one time she wanted him to give in to his feelings and run to her head on, he was distant and guarded.

Carla knew he felt her gaze. Every time she trained her eyes on him, she could literally see him squirm in his seat, his fingers raking through his soft hair as he pretended to listen to the conversations around him. And Carla could feel his own fleeting gaze when he thought she wasn't aware of it.

Carla decided it was time she made a move before letting him go forever. Just one last conversation. She just wanted to look at him.

Samuel was getting a drink from the bar when Carla walked up to him. "Hello."

He visibly stiffened but glanced her way. "Hi. How have you been?"

"Good, you?"

"Good."

God, this was ridiculous.

"Uh, wanna a drink?"

"No, I actually can't drink, Nina's orders."

"For how long?"

"She promised soon I'll be able to, little by little. And soon better come quickly because I'm losing my mind a little."

That earned her half a grin. "I'm sure. But hey, alcohol isn't that great, you know? You're not missing much." he tried feebly.

"Says the guy who can drink any time he wants."

He smiled. "Fair enough."

Carla took a deep breath. "Wanna go for a walk?"

What was she doing? Why was she pushing it?

"A walk? Now? It's quite late."

"Yeah, it's too crowded in here."

It really wasn't.

Samuel looked away from her. "I - I don't think that's the best idea."

"Oh. Why?"

"You know why."

"I do." she sighed. Fuck. "Well, I'm just gonna get some fresh air before going home. Good night, Samuel."

Carla went back over to say her goodbyes quickly before making her way out of the bar. Samuel was finally being smart about his relationship with her, and Carla was still trying to get him alone. Carla felt helpless, she honestly wanted to just talk to him, know exactly why the sudden change of heart, what had changed.

So Carla'd made a risky play with him just now. But if she knew Samuel at all, it wasn't actually all that risky.

And sure enough after a few seconds of being outside, he was on her tail.

"Really, Carla?"

His voice came out annoyed and Carla grinned; before turning around to face him. "What?"

"You're seriously making me walk with you?"

"And how am I doing that?"

Samuel cocked his head, quirking an eyebrow. "You know I'm not gonna let you walk by yourself at this hour."

Carla beamed. "Samuel, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. It's not my fault you're sexist and think women need looking after."

Samuel scoffed, gaping at her like a fish out of water and Carla bit her lip trying to hold in her laughter.

"I know what you're doing," he grumbled but there was a hint of a smile on his face. "And I'm not sexist, I'm protective."

"Sure, keep telling yourself that."

Samuel shook his head and started moving his way down the street. "You're unbelievable."

Carla took two fast strides to keep up with him. "Thank you."

He smirked, eyeing her. "Wasn't a compliment."

"It sounded like one to me."

"Of course it did."

They were quiet for a moment as they strolled side by side. The street was so calm, peaceful. The only light available was the gentle yellow and red glow from the lamp posts around them. It seemed like no matter where they ended up being, things were just always calm and serene with Samuel.

"That bar was really nice," Carla told him.

Samuel smiled. "Oh, yeah? You liked it?"

"Yeah, very comfortable."

"I go there all the time. I showed it to Guzmàn, he seemed to think it was great for a hang out."

Carla should've known. The place had Samuel written all over it. And she'd just noticed it was actually close to his neighborhood. "I see why you love it,"

"Yeah, when I'm there, it kinda feels like home somehow."

"Hmm." In a corner of Carla's mind, she wondered why had he never shown her the place.

A beat of silence and then he asked nervously. "Are you hungry? There's this awesome 24 hour American diner nearby."

There was the Samuel she had been missing, the one who wanted to spend time with her. A tug of guilt followed her selfish thoughts. She had to say no. But Carla was leaving soon and it wasn't a crime to want to be with him one last time.

Fuck it.

"Sure."

"Great, but it's actually not that close, walking might be a bit of a drag."

"How far?"

"Near my building, which is not that far from here, maybe seven blocks away from it."

"Okay, we can call a cab then."

"It's also not that far," he chuckled, pausing to look around, considering something. "You know what, we could just bike there."

Samuel started striding back towards the bar, which they were now half way down the street from, noting that she wasn't following him, he gestured for her to come along. "My bike is by the bar."

Oh, no.

Carla trailed behind him toward his bike and and some other bike she'd never seen before. "We could just call a car." she tried again

Samuel glanced at her. "It's not worth it. Don't worry, you won't ride with me, you can borrow Omar's."

"I'm wearing a skirt."

"So?"

"It'll be more difficult, I think," she said lamely, wishing she was at least wearing high heels, so she could use that as an excuse, but no such luck.

He straightened up from unlocking his bike and gazed at her dubiously. "Carla. . .do you know how to ride a bike?"

"Of course I do." and she did. A little. 

Samuel was onto her, Carla could see it through the poorly hidden laughter in his eyes. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"Well, this should be no problem. Come on."

"I don't want to."

"Right. Because you can't."

"I told you I can."

His smile stretched even wider as he crossed his arms behind his back. "Okay, let's see it then."

They stared each other down for a long moment, Samuel wasn't backing down, challenging her with his eyes. Whatever.

"Fine, I can't ride a bike, happy?"

Samuel laughed heartily. "A little. I bet the first thing you learned was driving a car, right?"

She smiled. "No, I used to know how, self-taught, actually. I'm just a bit rusty."

He furrowed his brows. "Self-taught?"

Carla shrugged, not wanting to sound at all like she was complaining, feeling especially privileged for what she was about to say. "Yeah, I never needed it, you know. But one day, my parents felt like I should have one anyway, so they bought it for me, but never really bothered to teach me.

"But I used to watch Mirella teaching her kids on these really old bikes and I silently took pointers from afar. However, it got boring rather quickly, so I just gave my bike to one of her kids. You're right, I prefer cars anyway."

His frown deepened but then he shook his head. "Okay then, that's all right, we could hail a taxi, or. . ." he trailed off with an sneaky smile.

"Or what?" Carla asked, confused.

"I could teach you."

Carla laughed. "No, thank you."

"It's so easy. You said you know the basics, right?"

"Yes, but I - "

"That'll make it even easier. It'll be fun, I promise." he stepped towards her, grabbing her wrist and pulling her over to the bike. Carla was so focused on the touch of his hand on her skin that she'd missed when he called her name.

"Carla?"

"This is useless. I don't need to, Samuel. There's a reason why I never had to learn." she huffed, successfully covering up her flustering thoughts.

"Riding a bike is a very important skill to learn. Get on." he said, fixing the seat, so it could be higher.

"You just never give up, do you?"

"Nope. Get on, let's go."

Releasing a breath, she climbed on to the saddle. "Now what?"

Samuel grinned, looking her up and down in a way that made her insides clench. "You pedal." he joked.

"Wow, you should do this professionally."

"It's an option, for sure." he laughed lowly.

"All right now, we need to work on your balance," he began seriously. "Stand up, but you should be touching the seat, that's why I adjusted its height - yes, exactly like that - and just walk forward with the bike."

Carla started to slowly walk, instinctively looking down at her feet.

"No, don't look down, look straight ahead." he instructed, Carla tried to keep her gaze ahead, but every few seconds she would peer down again.

"It's okay," Samuel said, moving in front of the bike, facing her. "Just look at me, it'll make it easier to have something to focus on."

It was easier. Once she'd looked up, her gaze locking with his, Carla's eyes didn't move to her feet again. She was so lost in his eyes, that she hadn't noticed they were half way down the street again and the startling fact that her feet weren't touching the ground.

"Good, good," Samuel encouraged, voice a bit husky. "Keep them off the ground, it's all about balance."

They worked on her balance for a long time, Samuel insisting it was the most important part. Until finally he decided she was ready to try pedaling.

"Let's stop for a second," he then bent down, catching her right ankle and Carla almost jumped at the sensation. Fixing the pedal up in the right position, he looked up at her, meeting her eyes and something about the moment was - strangely hot and arousing.

Samuel stood back up, puffing out a heavy breath. "Okay, walk again, and then slowly start with your right foot.

"Yes, like that, and then you can add the left."

Carla followed his instructions slowly starting with her right, followed gently by the left. And then she was actually pedaling, the bike started to glide down the street.

Samuel hurriedly jogged next to her, one hand holding the handlebar and the other was on her lower back, caging her in, in case anything went wrong.

After a while of Samuel keeping up with her, Carla felt confident enough on her own. "Okay, I think I got it now. You can let go."

"You sure?"

"Positive." he hesitantly loosened his grip, Carla was okay at first but the bike suddenly started to wobble and Carla stumbled sideways, but thankfully, Samuel was immediately there, steadying her before she fell.

She giggled. "Sorry, let's try that again."

And they did, again and again until she finally got the hang of it.

"All right, I'll concede, this is pretty fun," she said, after riding alone a few times, Carla glanced up at Samuel; to find him already looking at her with such fondness in his eyes, it made her swallow harshly.

"What?"

"Nothing. Smiling looks good on you, that's all."

"Are you using a line on me, Samuel?" Carla quipped, trying to hide the way her cheeks heated at his statement.

His lips curled coyly, taking a step closer to her, holding the handlebar and bending his head down so he could stare at her as she straddled the bike seat. His eyes finding hers with evident lust, flicking to her lips and then back up.

"I don't need it."

No, he didn't. That look alone made her core prickle with attention.

Carla loved all sides to Samuel. But this one - the confident side; that had first confronted her that day at the club, that'd grabbed her by the neck and lay the best kiss of her life on her lips - she particularly and immensely enjoyed that side.

"A bit cocky, are we?"

Samuel tilted his head to the side, shrugging innocently while a sly grin graced his beckoning lips. He was so fucking handsome.

This whole biking lesson was already weirdly turning her on and this wasn't helping the situation. Carla needed to kiss him. She leaned in a little more, feeling a bit dazed from his breath dancing on her lips, Samuel didn't move away, his chest now heaving as their mouths softly, teasingly grazed each other.

Suddenly Samuel pulled back, clearing his throat loudly with a cough. "Uh, okay, yeah, so let's get something to eat, right?"

The sting of rejection was stuck in her lungs and Carla tried to gulp it away. She shouldn't have even tried, he'd made the right move.

Quickly brushing it away, glad that he still wanted to hang out. "Yeah, let's do it."

"I'll send Omar a text to tell him we're taking his bike, he's going home with Ander anyway."

"You have the key?" she asked, knowing there must be a U-lock on Omar's bicycle.

"I have a copy, he has mine as well."

"That's adorable."

"Shut up."

A minute later they were on their way. The breeze felt so good on her skin, gliding down the street next to Samuel. It was incredibly cliche, but Carla had never felt so free or so at peace as she was in that moment. She let out an abrupt, loud laugh of giddiness, Samuel turned to look at her with a huge smile on his face.

"What?" he asked, raising his voice so she could hear him in the space between them.

"I love this!" she shouted back.

Samuel laughed along with her. "Told you!"

Letting go of the handlebars, Carla spread her arms wide open, enjoying the wind blowing through her hair.

"No, no, Carla! You're not ready for that yet. Put your hands back!"

"Stop worrying!" she said, still laughing for some reason.

"Put them back, Carla. Now!"

"You've never done this?"

"Of course I have, I've been doing it since I was a child."

"This is my first time. Don't let me do it alone."

Carla could see him rolling his eyes even from her position, before finally complying with her request. Both of them holding out their arms like six-year old idiots, their laughter ringing across the quiet street.

* * *

"I told you to hang on." Samuel scolded for the tenth time since they'd sat down in the booth.

"Samuel, it's just a scratch. I'm fine."

Carla had fallen off Omar's bike, one second she was having fun and laughing, the next she'd swerved to the side and landed on her ass. There was a small scratch on her knee and a slightly bigger bruise on her elbow.

"Carla, I'm sorry, I should've known you weren't ready to ride - "

"Samuel, I swear, I'm okay. It's not even bleeding, I'm sure you've had a lot worse," she said, holding the ice bag to her elbow - that Samuel'd asked for once they'd reached the diner.

Okay, so maybe it hurt a little but he didn't need to know that.

"It was really fun." Carla hastily added when he tried to open his mouth to protest.

"Yeah, it was." he smiled but it quickly vanished, replaced with a frown. "But you're hurt."

"Oh my god, Samuel, drop it. I'm fine."

"All right, all right, I'll stop."

A second later the waitress arrived at their booth, carrying their food trays.

"There you go, sweethearts," she said warmly, putting down their burgers and sodas on the table. "Need anything else?"

Samuel looked at Carla to confirm she didn't need anything, before answering. "No, thank you."

"Enjoy your meal," she said, sauntering away.

"Bacon on burger. Why have I never tried this before?" Carla wondered at the flavor exploding in her mouth.

"To be honest, I'm surprised you've even tried burger or bacon at all." Samuel teased, taking a bite.

Carla wanted to retort but in all honesty, he was right. She wasn't much into junk food.

She shrugged, agreeing. "I've only tried it once or twice."

"Ooh, one too many."

Carla smiled. "Most of the burgers I ate were cooked at home, where we can make sure they're organic and healthy."

"Of course."

"They're actually pretty good, you should try it."

"I'll stick to my greasy, unhealthy food, thanks." he grinned.

"Don't knock it till you try it, Samuel. Follow my example," she said, proving her point by taking another bite of her burger.

Samuel's eyes suddenly clouded with emotion, his voice was soft as he pointed to her chin. "You have something . . ."

A transporting moment of a nostalgic memory hit Carla hard and fast. She could see it in Samuel's eyes that he had been transferred to it as well. The beautiful, heartwarming memory that usually brought her comfort thinking about it, was now chocking her as she stared into his eyes.

Carla looked away first, feeling a wild urge to flee. She plucked a napkin from the box in front of her and wiped all around her mouth. "Did I get it?"

"Um, yeah," he replied, his voice conveying a hint of sadness.

The silence that followed was tense and awkward and she hated it. Carla hated it so much, she was willing to bring up a topic of discussion they were both trying to steer clear of.

"One more year at Las Encinas, you must be thrilled," she said sarcastically, hoping that the topic wouldn't completely ruin their night.

Samuel snorted, dipping a fry in ketchup before eating it. "Oh, I am. I can't wait."

Carla smiled softly. "I'm sorry. But it's better than expulsion, right?"

Samuel didn't answer right away, peering around the diner thoughtfully. "I guess, yeah."

"It wasn't fair. What'd happened wasn't fair. At least they fixed it, though, and you can finish school now."

When he only nodded in response, Carla contemplated asking her next question. "Speaking of, do you know what you wanna do - after?"

"Um, kinda, yeah. I think I wanna be a lawyer."

That made so much sense.

"I can see it," Carla said, sipping her soda.

"Really?" he asked, a note of hope in his voice.

"Oh, definitely. If anyone is gonna bring justice to the people who need it, it's you, Samuel."

Shyness washed over his features as he smiled at her. "Thank you, I hope I'm able to."

Carla wasn't so lucky in that aspect, she didn't really know what she wanted to do with her life. That was why studying abroad was a good idea. Traveling could expand her horizon, gain her some experience.

"You know." Samuel's voice stopped her racing thoughts. "You'd make a great lawyer, too."

"What? I highly doubt that." she laughed dismissively.

"I'm serious. You could talk your way out of anything."

She gaped at him. "That's not true."

"Yes, it is."

"Okay - would that be much help as a lawyer?"

"Of course it would be, you could do it for other people. You can say anything and the judge and jury won't stand a chance."

For some reason, his words didn't set well with her. "So you're saying that I'll be able to defend the guilty by what - Lying or manipulating my way out?"

Samuel looked genuinely shocked. "That was not what I meant at all. And I never said guilty or lying or - "

"It was implied."

"No, it wasn't. Carla, I just meant - "

"No, it's okay," she cut him off. "you're not wrong."

Samuel didn't say anything back for the longest time, and Carla was unsure if she should be thankful for that or not.

"I'm sorry," he started cautiously. "I realize now how it sounded. But I honestly didn't mean it that way. I just meant you're very persuasive and smart and calculating. And yes, sometimes you can be a bit cunning. But that doesn't mean you won't use it for the good side."

"Okay . . . So you're saying if I were to be a lawyer, I could use my dark powers to do good."

Samuel laughed lightly. "Something like that. You would help people, Carla, I'm sure of it."

Samuel made Carla question herself in the best way possible. Carla knew she wouldn't do much good in the world. But there he was, making her believe she was capable of more, that she was better than she believed.

"I guess we'll never know, because I'll never be a lawyer."

"You could if you wanted to."

She grinned. "That's the thing, I don't want to."

"All right, that's fair." he half-smiled.

They spent the next hour focusing back on their food, discussing random things, and avoiding the giant elephant in the room.

"Do you wanna get dessert?"

Even though Carla was full, she didn't want the night to end, so she said yes.

"What would you like?"

Carla skimmed over the menu. "I could go for some ice cream."

"Me too, that sounds good."

Later as they were eating the tasty treat, it was kinda pathetic how they were both eating the ice cream they'd ordered so slowly, it was starting to melt.

It was painfully obvious that neither one of them wanted the night to be over.

Samuel was beginning to affect her ability to function. The ache she could feel in her bones for him was constant and incessant. Carla was terrified to think she might always feel like this. The relentless need to be near him, the permanent place that had nested in her heart with his name engraved on it. It was too much to think about. The always of it all.

Because Carla missed him so much and she was doomed to miss him forever.

Carla couldn't bring herself to be selfless and call it a night. To tell him 'this was fun, I'll see you when I see you, I guess'. What could she say to him? Was this goodbye? Was this the last time she would ever see him, in this American diner tonight?

It didn't feel right. But Carla couldn't ask him to stay longer either.

"Come home with me." Samuel blurted out so suddenly and so fast, Carla wasn't sure she'd heard him correctly.

"What?"

Samuel sighed deeply, his fingers running through his hair. Glancing away before settling his burning, yet nervous gaze back on hers. "Come back with me, I mean, we could just continue talking and stuff at mine - if you want to."

Carla's heart hammered in her chest. "Well, I do have to make sure you arrive home safely."

His smile was bright and wide. "That would make me feel better."

* * *

The tension was suffocating in the narrow hallway in front of Samuel's house. Both of them stood there, not moving. Facing each other.

Time had stopped for them, their eyes refusing to look at anything but one another. Samuel didn't open the door and Carla knew it was because of what was going to happen once they were inside, the thought of it terrifying as much as it was exhilarating. They could both feel it, they couldn't hide from it anymore.

They were succumbing. Carla felt it in the simmering heat around them, their bodies were done fighting it, it was inevitable. Her skin was starting to itch, agitated with the need for his touch, she could uncomfortably feel how ready she was for him. And Carla could see it all over Samuel, his erratic breathing, the way he fidgeted in the spot, the way he clenched his fists in anticipation.

But Samuel's yearning eyes also looked scared, actually they were terrified.

"I want you, Carla. I want you so much," he said thickly.

The desire in his voice, his eyes, all contradicted his sudden apprehensive body language.

"Samuel, you don't have t - "

"You don't understand," he interrupted urgently. "I feel like I can't do this _because_ of how much I want you. It's fucking painful."

Her stomach twisted anxiously. "Okay, I --"

"You're leaving, Carla."

"I know." her eyes lowered with guilt. She was making it harder for both of them. "I'm sorry, you're right. This was a bad idea, we shouldn't."

When Samuel didn't say anything in return, she instantly got the message. Carla nodded curtly, making a move to leave.

Samuel caught her arm before she could twitch another muscle, edging his body so close to hers, his smell enclosing the space around her; till she was breathing in nothing but him.

"We shouldn't because it's going to hurt like hell when we're done. I'm gonna have to let you go after. Again." his voice was low and pained.

"I know." was all she could say, her eyes glued to his.

"But I - I think it's gonna hurt way more if I let you go when I know I can have you right now. Even if it's temporary. I can't live knowing I wasted a chance to be with you."

His words made their way throughout her entire body, spreading warmth all over. "Samuel, I'm sorry --"

He shook his head vehemently. "No more talking."

Her heart thudded heavily at his abrupt throaty command. And then her next breath was stolen by his mouth crashing down on hers. Carla gasped, the familiarity of his lips, his taste, making her want to moan in relief while simultaneously crying.

Samuel parted her lips open, spinning her around till her back hit the front door, his tongue tangling with hers. His exploration was deep and slow and it made Carla's ache rise to new heights, she gripped his hair tightly, scared that this moment like all the others they had shared, was short-lived and fleeting. Or worse, it was just a dream. Those thoughts made her latch onto him harder, pulling him closer, her lips leaving his and trailed open mouthed kisses down his neck, sucking and biting the way she'd wanted to for what felt like forever. She could vaguely feel his hand digging into his pockets, probably fetching his keys.

"Fuck, Carla - I can't think." He groaned in her ear. "I need to get my keys."

Carla continued leisurely, her hands traveling down his chest until she was palming his hard member through his jeans. Samuel growled lowly, fisting her hair, pulling her head back and connecting their lips passionately.

He was right, Carla couldn't think either, it was hard to concentrate on anything except devouring him. But they needed to get that key.

Carla pushed him back slightly. "I got it." slapping his hand away from his pocket.

Samuel let out a low sound of protest when she let go of his lips, but he quickly got to work on her neck, desperately lavishing her skin with his tongue. She managed to finally pull his key, which was buried inside his left pocket under his phone.

"Found it." Or at least Carla hoped she did and it was the right one.

Samuel mindlessly grabbed it from her hand, trying clumsily to slide it into the lock.

"Ugh, where the fuck...?" he whined impatiently. Her hands moving all over him, distracting him even further.

Finally the door was shoved open, both of them stumbling inside, Samuel kicking the door shut after them. He blindly walked her back until she could feel herself meeting the wall beside the kitchen. His hands couldn't seem to decide which part of her to touch, his fingers tracing and clutching whatever inch of her he found, sneaking under her blouse and tracing the soft skin enticingly. His lips kissing up and down her neck deliciously, his teeth biting, before smoothing his tongue over the mark lovingly.

Carla wasn't fairing any better, enthusiastically hiking up his shirt, needing it off him. Samuel backed off for just a second to peel it off and throw it to the side. He immediately dove back in, his palms traveling up her thighs and under her skirt, tracing the outline of her underwear before ripping the thin material off.

Carla gasped at the action. They were both desperate, feverish and so fucking eager. She could feel the overwhelming, blazing eruption of physical and emotional need. Pent up feelings and sexual desires. Denied love. All of it was spurting into million bursts of electrical charge being passed back and forth between them.

This was them, unabashed and unreserved. It was that magnetic bond they couldn't explain.

"We should slow down but I can't." he rasped against her lips. His fingers leaving her waist to unbuckle his belt, trying to unzip his jeans hastily.

They weren't slowing down. They had time to savor and indulge later.

Carla took a moment to appreciate the sight of a shirtless Samuel with his jeans unzipped and low on his hips. Her hands took charge, frantically sliding her palm under his boxers, fingers grazing him gently.

"Fucking hell." he moaned hoarsely, lips attacking her collar bones, his fingers tugging on her green, silky blouse impatiently, finally unbuttoning the damn thing and sliding it off her shoulders swiftly. Carla's palm was now stroking him gently, her fingers tightening their grip each time.

"Fuck, stop, Carla, I won't . ." Samuel broke off with a keen groan, his hand catching hers to stop its movement before slamming it against the wall beside her head, his lips instantly finding hers again.

His free hand slid back under her skirt, finding her heated sex, his finger delicately touching her sensitive clit, rubbing softly in a circular motion, before slowly parting her entrance and slipping inside, his lips letting out a moan at the sensation.

Carla gasped low in her throat, trying to stifle a loud reaction, his fingers dipping in deeper and causing electricity to shoot through her. It felt too good. Too exquisite, and Carla was impatient, she needed him. Her hand firmly grasped his hard length again, making Samuel's breath falter as she guided him toward her center.

That was when Samuel completely paused, drawing back to look at her. Carla's breath hitched from the intensity of his eyes. His Adam's apple bobbing in his throat anxiously as his dark browns shone with so many ripples of emotions; love, lust, longing, relief, fear, sadness.

"Carla, I - "

"Shh, I know," she said, pulling him closer. "It's okay."

And then he pushed inside her in one agonizingly anticipated motion, their eyes clinging to each other just as much as their bodies were.

The feel of him after so long was overwhelmingly gratifying as he rested inside her for a second, giving both of them time to adjust to the achingly familiar feeling. Samuel panted harshly, his hips starting a rhythm so gentle, almost painfully so, as though trying to cherish every single tick of the intimate act. But then he perfectly gained momentum, matching both their needs. His mouth was sponging kisses all across her face, till his lips reached hers muffling their moaning as their tongues swirled hotly with each other.

"God, Carla." he grunted loudly. "I thought I'd never - " he stopped, seemingly forgetting what he was was about to say, as he drove into her faster, pinning her to the wall.

Carla had closed her eyes in ecstasy, trying to imprint every touch, every sound he made on her brain. Samuel's pace began to stir the fire already within her as he sank in and out of her faster and deeper. Her fingers clutched his hair, unable to stop herself from pulling on it hard, causing Samuel to moan and give even harder thrusts.

"Holy - fuck, Carla." his movements were growing in urgency, as he intensely and thoroughly fucked her.

"Samuel." she whimpered into his mouth, pleasure taking over every inch of her as she met his thrusts ardently. It was coming to an end. Way too soon. Carla wasn't ready for it to be over, but it was all too much, they both couldn't stop their shuddering bodies as their hips bucked against each other harshly. Carla gasping out his name one last time, her climax striking her fiercely. With a few last vigorous thrusts, Samuel tucked his head into her neck, growling out his own release.

His body sagged against hers, the only thing keeping her from collapsing on the floor. It was a few minutes before Carla's brain picked up on her surroundings again. Samuel's head was still buried in her neck, and his body was shaking against her.

"Are you okay?" she asked quietly. Was he regretting it? She didn't want it to be awkward or sad. Carla thought they'd decided to not think or talk and just enjoy each other while they still could. Did he regret it?

"I - yeah. I'm okay." he breathed unsteadily, his breath tickling her skin. "Fucking wonderful, actually. You?"

Carla smiled to herself in relief, they were still on the same page, he didn't regret it. "Same."

"We forgot to use a condom," Carla told him softly, not overly worried, they had done it before, their first time of course, being the first case.

"Shit." he mumbled into her hair. "We should really pay more attention to that."

Carla sighed, running her fingers through his hair. "I know. I am on the pill, though. You're clean, right?" He nodded against her.

"Me too."

Samuel finally craned his neck back, and Carla's heart squeezed in her chest. His eyes were so soft, sated and pretty, Carla almost pouted at the beautiful sight of him, raising her palms to stroke his red, flushed cheeks. 

"You look so cute," she whispered.

Samuel scowled in mock offense. "I just fucked you against this wall and you think I look cute!"

Carla laughed so loudly in response, that Samuel couldn't keep his stern look on, a smile breaking over his face.

" _Cute_?" he gently let her down, still clinging to her waist, which was good because her knees were barely holding her up.

She laughed harder, shrugging. "Yes. So cute and sleepy." she teased.

"Oh, Carla, I'm not sleepy one bit."

The promise, almost warning tone of his voice halted her laughter as her eyes focused on his intense ones.

Not giving her time to comprehend the meaning of his words, his lips caught hers, his arm dragging her by the waist away from the wall, and holding her to his chest. Carla could feel them moving around the house, her eyes closed, trusting Samuel to lead the way to his bedroom.

It was a blur till she opened her eyes, releasing his mouth to find they were standing in front of Samuel's bed. His lips smirked sinfully at her, before grabbing her by the waist and roughly tossing her on the bed.

_Fuck._

Slowly climbing after her, he rested on his knees, his heavy-lidded eyes staring down at her. "We're nowhere near done."

* * *

Much later, they were both completely naked on his bed. Carla was sprawled against his chest, her right ear pressed against his heart, listening to its soothing, comforting beat as his fingers massaged her scalp lazily.

Maybe it was because they unleashed the tension and she was way more relaxed, but Carla felt brave enough to say what was on her mind.

"You stopped calling."

Samuel stilled under her for only a second. "You did too."

"Because you stopped answering. It would've been selfish of me to push you further, I - I thought you'd finally let me go."

She hated how her voice broke at the last part.

"I was trying to." he admitted quietly. "But I've accepted that I can't."

"Samuel."

"I also wanted to give you some time, you know."

Carla frowned. "Time for what?"

He sighed. "Polo."

Carla stiffened, lifting her head to look at him. "What?"

His eyes didn't meet hers. "To deal with his death and everything else. I know that at some point you - um, I know what he meant to you once and I knew you needed some time to process."

Only Samuel. Samuel who hated Polo with everything in him, understood that Carla felt differently; that she was sad, the she'd needed time to mourn Polo and he didn't judge her.

"You're so considerate, it's a little annoying."

He rolled his eyes, but couldn't hide his tinted cheeks. "It's called common decency."

"Perhaps, but some people don't deserve it. I know how much you hated him, Samuel, and rightfully so. But thank you for understanding."

"Of course. So - how are you dealing with everything?" 

Carla knew he wasn't just asking about Polo, but also everything with her family, the drugs, the withdrawal.

"I've been talking to Nina a lot. Obviously she doesn't know everything, but it's been nice to at least try and sort my shit out." Carla rested her head back on his chest.

"I'm glad you have someone to help you with everything."

"It's a very slow process because it's still so weird for me, honestly. And really fucking difficult to actually talk about stuff and work through them. Baby steps, I guess."

His fingers still combing through her hair, tugged gently, urging her to look up and meet his open and warm gaze. "I'm proud of you."

A wave of pure and crushing affection rushed through her forcefully, and she abruptly captured his lips.

He smiled into the kiss. "What's that for?"

 _Because I love you,_ Carla thought to herself but she couldn't say that. Carla had already taken enough, she'd already let herself bask in his presence. She couldn't say that to him and then bolt out of the country.

"Felt like it, do you have a problem with that?" she asked, kissing him again. Samuel hummed against her contentedly, biting her bottom lip.

"Never," he uttered with conviction, making Carla's heart lurch in her chest.

_I love you._

The words were lodged in her throat, fighting against logic, begging to be let out. To finally let him know. Carla wanted to freely express this genuine, real and astounding emotion. There would never come a time when Carla wouldn't marvel at how much she felt for him. In such a short time he'd had her. Since the first time all of this had started, it had been a haze of a deep and intense connection. Carla had never wanted someone one so much, never had the surge of sexual attraction quite so powerfully.

But then want turned into need which tuned into something beyond what Carla'd thought she was ever capable of feeling. Something terrifyingly real.

How was it that there was a time when Carla couldn't care less about his existence and now it felt like she couldn't live without him.

But she had to.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" Samuel asked, his fingers tracing the furrowed lines of her eyebrows.

_You. I love you._

It would be a new low for Carla if she gave in to yet another one of her uncontrollable desires and told him. She would only be serving herself, quenching her thirst to get the feelings out. What was the point? She was leaving. It would only hurt him.

_Don't tell him._

"Carla?" he sounded worried.

_Don't say it. Don't be selfish. Don't tell him._

Carla had denied it for so long, all she had to do was keep it in a little longer and then they would be out of each other's lives. The words were pointless. There was no need to add salt to their wounds.

"Carla, what's wrong?"

_Don't say it._

"I love you, Samuel."


	8. 3x08 - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmuel Missing Scenes, 3x08 - Part 2.  
> Warning: ( Explicit Sexual Situations, Strong Language.)

Romantic love was a peculiar notion, the reality of being in love was more brutal than people liked to acknowledge. Everyone - well, most people - wanted it, sought it, obsessed over it. And then the some that were lucky enough to have obtained it, usually ended up ruing the day they'd found it.

And so that had raised the age-old question, _is it better to have loved and lost or to never have loved at at all?_

Was there a right answer? Both scenarios sounded incredibly depressing to Samuel.

But Samuel knew that as painful as loving Carla was, it didn't even touch the blissful intoxication she filled him with. Nothing compared to her. Nothing and no one could make him feel this much, this constant rapturous high she had him hooked on. She was addictive.

And Carla saying I love you to him - that was a whole new level of addiction. A dangerous fucking addiction. And Samuel was already a junkie.

 _I love you, Samuel_.

Her words rang and vibrated through the air around them, stifling his ability to breathe, his body was rendered useless, his mouth unable to speak, his mind utterly blank. Samuel was barely aware of the deafening silence that took over. Were there words to describe what he was feeling? Samuel was at a loss. He couldn't find any.

All he could think, hear, feel, was the heart-stopping, mind-bending repetition of her voice in his head. His heart.

_I love you, Samuel._

Samuel's heart was going ballistic, thumping and thrashing wildly in its cage, seemingly incapable of comprehending the words.

"Samuel?" Carla's wary voice smashed into his brain, resulting in a sharp inhale to deliver the much needed oxygen into his lungs.

 _Please, say it again,_ his greedy heart pounded with an unspoken plea. _Say it again._ _Say it again. Say it again_. Just one more time so he could make sure it was real, so it could sink in. So he could believeit and revel in it and never feel hopeless again. _Please, Carla, say it again._

But his mouth wasn't cooperating. His still, wide eyes, were probably starting to make Carla uncomfortable.

 _Speak, you fucking moron_ , he angrily scolded himself.

"Shit, Samuel, I'm sorry, I - I shouldn't have said that."

The hopeless organ in his chest ceased its incessant, loud beating.

What?

Wait. No. Fuck, no. She was sorry?

And just like that, his world fractured into a humiliated and rigid focus. Carla was sorry.

Why did she say it then? Why the fuck would she do that to him? It didn't make sense. Even if Carla didn't love him, Samuel knew her care for him ran deep and strong. Carla would never say something like that - something she was well aware he unapologetically craved to hear from her - without actually meaning it.

But Samuel's high-strung emotions were in charge and his brain couldn't keep up with them long enough to rationalize Carla's behavior. All Samuel knew in that moment was that he needed to get away, she could explain later. After he recovered from the emotional whiplash she'd just given him.

He was suddenly feeling claustrophobic, her skin on his was scorching and suffocating and as gently as he could, he pried her off, and then he was out of the the bed before either of them could blink, reaching for his boxers and slipping them on quickly.

"Samuel, wait - where are you going? "

"I - I just need to," he stammered pathetically, walking mindlessly toward the door. "To take a shower."

His wobbly legs carried him out of the room hastily as he tried to steady himself.

He did end up in the shower, because no matter how rattled he was, Samuel wasn't just gonna leave his house while Carla was still there. He still couldn't gather himself well enough to breathe properly.

It was in his nature to dive in hard and fast when he loved someone, he tended to go a little crazy, a little intense and obsessed. Samuel had once thought he was in love with Marina, Samuel had wanted her so badly that he had willfully stayed with her when, deep down, he was aware of her lack of interest. But Samuel had now realized that he wasn't in love with Marina, and it was because of Carla, he was sure of that. Nothing he had ever felt for someone came close to how Samuel felt about Carla. Because Once, love, _the_ love seeps into the bones and unfurls and grows around every inch of skin and swirls intimately with blood until they're one. Then discovery would hit and true knowledge is born on the different types of love one could feel.

And Samuel's love for Carla was otherworldly, it was consuming and whole and unlike anything he felt for anyone in his life. He didn't even know when it happened, it crept up on him. 

Samuel sighed shakily, his head thrown back as the comforting hot spray of water rained on him, washing his body and surrounding him safely, as though being under the shower-head was protecting him from what - _who_ \- was waiting outside that bathroom door.

Samuel tried to appease his soul and tell himself that it was okay if she didn't mean to say it, that whatever her explanation was going to be, he could take it.

_I love you, Samuel._

"Fuck," he muttered in irritation, her voice was stuck in his head. Samuel couldn't take it, he wouldn't be able to. No matter what Carla ended up saying, it was going to cut him open.

A creak of a door opening snapped him out of his spiraling thoughts. Samuel's skin prickled and his body instantly stiffened with attention, the air around him sizzling with her presence. Even under water, her scent wafted to his nostrils enticingly in the small bathroom, it thrilled and alarmed him all the same. His back was to her and he couldn't get his body to whirl around and face her, unsure of what he was going to do.

Devouring her was the most likely outcome, but Samuel's heart was also demanding answers. An explanation he wasn't ready to hear. Because the only thing worse than Carla not loving him back, was her saying she did, and then regretting it.

Her timid, quiet steps were faintly heard, and Samuel knew she must've stopped moving, 'cause it was a narrow bathroom and she should've reached him by now. Samuel didn't know how long he stood there frozen, until he could finally sense her behind him, her soft breaths tickling his skin.

Her lips gently grazed his shoulder and Samuel exhaled sharply. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Please stop saying that."

Another kiss, her lips brushing his skin as she spoke softly. "Samuel, I know that you probably didn't want to - "

"Didn't want what," he cut her off, his voice low. "Didn't want to hear the girl I'm in love with to finally tell me she loves me back, only to regret it and take it back? Not something I'd ask for, no."

Carla's breath caught noticeably, and he felt her blanch. A few seconds and she slowly folded her arms around his torso, lips meeting his shoulder again.

"I don't regret it and I'm not taking it back, you idiot," she said it so quietly, he almost didn't hear her.

Something bloomed in his chest, his heart skipping beats left and right at her affirmation. She loved him. "Why are you sorry, then?"

Carla hesitated, guilt lacing her tone as she answered. "Because I'm leaving."

Samuel's eyes squeezed shut at the reminder. He was so engulfed in her bubble, that for one stupid moment he'd forgotten that one important, gut-wrenching fact. She was right, she probably shouldn't have said it. Knowing Carla loved him and then losing her again was fate's worst way of tormenting him. But fuck it all to hell, if he didn't want to hear her say it again.

Her confession did make things ten times more painful. But Samuel had heard it, he'd watched as her beautiful mouth formed the words that were now deeply ingrained and ingested in his veins. And he wouldn't change the moment for anything.

Samuel gently started turning around, needing to see her face, her arms dropping from his waist once he was facing her, their eyes meeting head on.

"You are. Not really the best time to finally admit your feelings, is it?" he smiled sadly.

Carla shook her head, eyes lowering. "I'm sorry, Samuel."

Fuck, it broke him when she said that.

"If you ever apologize to me for telling me you love me again, Carla, I won't speak to you for at least a month," he said, only half joking. A desolate wave spiked through him, aware that they probably wouldn't communicate much in the future anyway.

Her lips quirked slightly. "You won't be able to go that long."

Hmm, she knew him too well.

"True." he chuckled lightly, fully aware that his stare was transparently worshiping and adoring. Samuel knew it wasn't their time, it might never be their time. But he was in love with her and Samuel wasn't gonna spend the last two days with her, hiding and denying.

"I love you," he told her, earnest and unwavering.

"I love you too." Carla swallowed, her gaze so bare, so vulnerable, it made his chest ache. The kiss that followed was the softest and slowest they'd ever shared, their lips seemed to push and pull at a relishing pace. Everything was entirely too vibrant, he didn't care how corny it made him, but Samuel's senses were heightened, he could feel everything around him in a much clearer light. He could smell the water, hear every single drop as it cascaded down his spine and onto the stall floor, his eyes were digesting the world differently.

Their embrace was rapidly veering into a passionate crescendo, Samuel's lips were burning and hungry, parting her mouth open for him, his tongue rolling deliriously with hers. 

"I missed you so much," he breathed into her, his emotions making him shiver, pouring out of him openly and unashamedly.

"I love you," she gasped, gripping his hair tightly as his arms clutched at her waist.

Samuel didn't see himself ever getting used to hearing that, each time the profound admission left her lips, it struck him harder and bled into him deeper. It was overwhelming.

 _You won't even have the chance to get used to it, she's not yours, she never will be_ , a brutal, truthful voice suddenly blared in his head.

_No._

Samuel held her with a fierce need, with possessive intention, his kisses turning desperate and his arms seizing her to him forcefully, trying to suppress his fear. Rotating her around, her back hit the wall, the water now gushing over them both, enclosing them in a world of their own, a world where he got to choose their fate, got to choose their ending, and so they didn't leave that stall until Samuel had showed Carla, in every way he could, just how much he loved her.

* * *

Waking up next to Carla's sleeping figure had made its way to Samuel's top three favorite things quite some time ago. But this time was different, it was peaceful, honest and strangely normal. This time, there were no games, no lies, no pretense. No ulterior motive. 

Carla slept like she did everything else in her life, with elegance and grace. Her body was perfectly still, arms aligned with her waist as her hands rested on her stomach, hair placed impeccably on the pillow. If Samuel didn't know her as well as he did, he would've said she was uncomfortable. But her face was free of worry, utterly calm and relaxed, Samuel smiled, his thumb stroking her cheek gently.

His fingertips slowly slid down her neck, tracing the impossibly soft skin, his hand stopped at her upper breast, gently caressing the tantalizing flesh. Samuel felt his dick hardening considerably, and when Carla shifted in her slumber, he decided to get up before it got too creepy.

After taking a quick shower, he started preparing them something to eat, Samuel was getting a plate for the toast he'd made, when he heard her dainty footsteps behind him.

"Good morning," she said.

"You mean afternoon, I was getting worried there - " Samuel's words caught in his throat at the vision that greeted him when he'd turned around.

Carla was wearing his shirt. She was wearing nothing but his shirt. And it was the hottest she'd ever looked, and that was saying fucking something. Despite all the times they'd had sex and spent the night together, she'd never worn his clothes. Her hair was wet, indicating the shower she must've taken, and she was wearing a clean shirt of his. The image of Carla going through his drawers to get a shirt was so domestic and so unlike them, it caused Samuel's heart to hammer loudly.

"What?"

Samuel couldn't pin-point exactly what it was, but as usual, she was invoking a very primal side of him. His eyes took their time scanning her exposed smooth legs, her taut creamy thighs that he wanted to bury his head in between. Then his grey shirt, loose and big on her but he could still see the outline of her full breasts and hard nipples. He wanted to fuck her while she was wearing his shirt, that wasn't weird, was it?

"You know, for someone who's seen me naked many times, you're drooling like you've just found out about boobs."

Well, that was how he felt.

His eyes flew to hers, lust thrumming through him. "Come here."

"Tsk, tsk. Demanding," she said, strutting toward him. Once she was within reach, Samuel snatched her by the waist, her chest colliding with his harshly as he swallowed her soft gasp with his lips.

"Is it the shirt?" she asked knowingly.

"You wore it on purpose."

"No, what else was I supposed to wear?" she said, batting her eyelashes. "Do you like it?"

He smirked, grabbing her thighs and hoisting her up on the small table in the middle of the kitchen, before stepping between her legs. "I love it. In fact, from now on, you should share my wardrobe."

She tilted her head, mouth curling slightly. "Samuel, I love you, but your clothes are just too plain for me."

She said it so matter-of-fact, so naturally that Samuel almost missed it. He was going to have heart failure at this rate, she was trying to kill him. He groaned lowly, his fingers slotting through her hair and bringing her luscious lips to his.

"And I love you," he husked.

"I know."

"Good. So add a few of my t-shirts to your closet."

Carla laughed melodically, her hands resting for a second on his chest before shoving him back roughly, Samuel couldn't stop his body from stumbling as he hit the counter opposite her. Carla's smile was full of promise as she hopped off the table, stalking towards him seductively. Samuel tried to even his breath when she finally stood right in front of him, her fingers teasing the waistband of his sweats.

"I wouldn't rule it out," she whispered, before dropping to her knees and Samuel chocked on his spit.

"Carla, wh- " he was sure his eyes looked comically wide, his brain was scrambled from the sight alone, Carla peering up at him sultrily. "What are you doing?"

All of Samuel's erotic moments were with her, and while Carla had definitely given him a blowjob before, it was never like this. Never in this position. Never in the middle of his kitchen in broad daylight. Never after lighthearted jokes and professions of love. The first time she had ever done this, Samuel remembered thinking that he was going to die. Happily.

This time was no different, seeing Carla like this, on her knees, caused his throat to go completely dry, his blood was pounding in his ears as his palms gripped the counter behind him for dear life.

Grabbing the top of his sweatpants, Carla slid them down painstakingly slow, taking her time to caress his bulge on the way. Once she saw he wasn't wearing underwear underneath, she looked up at him, eyes filled with desire.

"Carla," he hissed through his teeth, feeling as though his skin was burning from the inside out, his whole body twitching with anticipation, their eyes were steadily connected, making the experience even more sensual.

But then Carla's eyes seemed to focus on her mission to ruin him as she very lightly peppered kisses on his thighs, right next to where he needed her, Samuel's hips jerked in reaction.

"Please, Carla, fuck."

Carla was quiet and deliberate. The naughty, smug smirk on her lips was the only indication she was aware of his desperation.

Finally, her tongue dragged up his length before circling the the tip expertly, Samuel's hips bucked again as he whimpered. Carla's palm gripped him tighter, lips fully wrapping around and sucking the head.

"Shit - fuck!" he groaned loudly, eyes fighting to stay open.

When Carla hollowed out her cheeks and started descending on him slowly, Samuel couldn't stop his hand from sliding through her hair and tugging gently, eliciting a hum from Carla and Samuel's cock to weep from the vibration.

Carla went slow, breathing through her nose as she swallowed every inch down until he bumped the back of her throat, and now Samuel's vocabulary was reduced to only her name. He couldn't look away, despite the need to shut his eyes. Samuel needed her eyes.

Her head started moving at steady pace, her mouth taking him in and out with intensity, while her palm jerked off any part that wasn't blessed with her mouth. Samuel's yanks on her hair weren't so gentle anymore, but Carla didn't seem to mind as she let out a soft moan. Samuel's world spun and collapsed around him, his eyes finally closing as a deep growl left the back of his throat.

"Fuck, Carla."

And just after a few bobs of her head, her tongue licking and sucking with vigor, Samuel was done for. His stomach tightened uncontrollably, his thighs shaking with his impending release.

"Carla, shit...I'm coming," he warned her with a low whine.

Carla's motions only got faster, more determined, making his body quiver with fervor. His eyes glanced down catching hers with unadulterated want, his fingers clutching her hair tightly. Samuel's lower abdomen flexed rapidly, as he grunted gruffly, his orgasm railing over him, unforgiving and unrelenting.

Samuel's flushed body lulled, slumping backwards as he let go of Carla's hair. His eyes glazed and half shut in pleasure, hands back to gripping the counter, unsure if his knees would be able to carry him in the next few minutes.

Carla gently tucked him back into his sweats and the act was just as intimate as what had just transpired between them, and Samuel's insides buzzed with warm affection.

He was vaguely aware of Carla moving about the kitchen. "You okay there, handsome?"

"I don't -" his jaw was almost too relaxed to open itself. "I think you broke my brain."

Carla chuckled heartily. "Wasn't it always broken?"

His head whipped in her direction, feeling himself silently singing with her good mood, playful Carla was something to behold. Samuel slowly straightened up and sauntered toward her.

"What was that?"

"What?" her eyes sparkled at him.

"What did you just say?"

"I say a lot of things."

"The most recent thing," he told her, his arms circling her waist, pulling her closer.

"Your clothes are ugly,"

Samuel squinted at her. "My clothes are amazing, stop lying."

"You do pull them off. . .sometimes."

Samuel's fingers pinched her hips and Carla let out a squeal. "Samuel!"

"What did you say, Carla?"

"Um, you have a lovely penis?"

A huge smile took over his red-tinted face. "No, that is not what you said."

"I was thinking it." she winked.

"Stop being cheeky, Carla,"

"I just gave you a compliment."

"And I thank you very much. Now what did you say?"

"Fine," she sighed dramatically. "I implied you were born with a broken brain."

"And is that true?"

She rolled her eyes. "No."

"That's right. You're the culprit, Carla. My brain was perfectly fine and then you came in and turned it into mush." and he was definitely not just talking about the blowjob.

Her lips gave a crooked, proud grin. "I kinda did."

"Hmm," he confirmed, his nose nudging hers softly. "Now I'd like to break yours."

His lips slammed against hers, tongue slipping inside in search of hers. Samuel hitched his shirt up, his fingers touching the enticingly exposed skin of her stomach, he traced ever line, every inch as their lips devoured each other. Samuel's hand finally reached the place he wanted to ravish the most, aching to taste her.

And his phone chose that moment to blast loudly across the kitchen.

"Aren't you going to answer that?"

"Fuck, no."

_Ring. Ring. Ring._

Samuel groaned in annoyance, releasing Carla and reaching for his phone. Once he saw it was an unknown number, he recognized who was the caller and his dick softened instantly.

"Hello, Mom," he greeted, Carla leaving his side.

"Samuel, how are you, honey?"

"I'm good, how's everything with you?"

"We're doing fine, just really wanted to hear your voice."

"It's nice to hear your voice, too, Mom. You're okay, right?"

"Yes, just wanted to make sure you remember our video chat, we'll send you the exact time later, okay?"

"Yeah, sure."

"I can't wait till I can see you face to face, my love," she said, and Samuel could hear her holding back tears.

"Me too."

"And we will. We'll be together again, Samu, things just have to calm down first."

"I know, I understand."

"I love you so much, Samu."

"I love you too."

"Take care of yourself."

"You too. Be safe."

And then his mother's voice was gone, and just like after every phone call, Samuel felt a heaviness settle on his chest as he looked down at the picture on his phone of all three of them, smiling and happy.

Carla came back to her spot next to him, her chin resting on his shoulder, staring down with him. "It's a great picture."

"Thank you."

"One way or another, you'll see them again, Samuel. Trust me," she said so confidently that Samuel couldn't help but feel a flicker of hope.

"I know. One day."

"Soon," she insisted.

He smiled, feeling lighter. "Soon."

Just as he was about to turn to kiss her, his phone dinged with a message from Rebe.

_Rebeca: I think it's time we meet up and have ourselves a real chat, kid._

Samuel sighed, looking at the message, he'd missed his friend. He still talked to Rebeca, they weren't as mad at each other anymore, but they were definitely not as close as they used to be. Carla had stilled slightly beside him and Samuel knew she'd read it too. He had an inkling it had something to do with the talk she'd had with Rebe at graduation. Of course Samuel had noticed, no matter how drunk or angry he had been, he'd seen them talk and had taken note of Carla's change in demeanor afterwards.

"You're still not talking?" came Carla's cautious question.

"No, we talk, just not as often as before."

"Samuel, you know it wasn't entirely her fault, I think I would've found a way to get a fix from anyone."

His jaw ticked. "But it was her. _She_ sold it to you."

"Samuel."

"Look, I'm not saying she meant to harm you, but she shouldn't have been selling drugs at all. She'd promised me she'd stop. Valerio stopped, he knew what was going on with you, they both did, and he didn't sell it you. Why did she? Why you?"

"Maybe she wasn't thinking clearly that day."

"What do you mean?"

Carla heaved a breath, shaking her head at him. "She was upset, Samuel. Because of you...and me."

Samuel blinked in confusion. "What are you saying? That she did it just because she was jealous?" he asked incredulously.

Carla simply shrugged.

He could understand Rebe's jealousy and anger, he was a terrible boyfriend to her, but it obviously didn't mean she was justified in selling Carla drugs, it sounded petty to him. "That doesn't make it okay."

"I know. But people do dumb shit when they're heartbroken, Samuel. You know that."

He did. Even if Samuel could never understand why Rebe had thought that giving Carla drugs was going to achieve anything, she was sad and had made a very stupid move.

"Is that what you talked about at graduation?"

Carla's eyes flitted to his in surprise. "What?"

"I saw you talk."

"Yeah, she was just apologizing."

"So nothing else?"

"Nothing important."

"It seemed like something happened - "

"What is this, Samuel? Are you trying to supervise my conversations or something?"

Samuel narrowed his eyes, there was something Carla wasn't telling him. She was being a bit too defensive.

"Calm down. I'm simply asking if by any chance that conversation had something to do with the fact that one second you looked at me as though you wanted me, and then all of a sudden you were pulling back."

Carla let out a mirthless laugh. "Oh, that might've had something to do with my ex-boyfriend dying, sorry, I wasn't up for fucking you after that."

This was all wrong. The previously tranquil mood had now dispersed completely and it was Samuel's fault. He was curious, that was all, but apparently something he'd said had struck some kind of nerve he was unaware of.

"Carla, why are you angry? I wasn't trying to - I just wanted to know if Rebe had said something to you that. . .listen, it's not important, okay? Let's just Forget it."

Samuel wanted things to delve back into their peaceful state. He wanted to go back to kissing her, they'd had enough fights and she was leaving in less than two days, there was no way they were going to spend it like the last few months.

"We did talk about you," Carla admitted quietly, not looking at him. "she seems to think you'd do anything for me."

"She's not wrong," was Samuel's instant reply.

"I don't think it was meant in the positive sense."

He frowned. "What?"

"You were so willing to take that bottle, Samuel."

"Just as much as everyone else."

"Not only then. Before everything, in the bathroom, you wanted to take it from me."

"What else was I supposed to do? Let you cover up another murder? You're lucky, Carla, but not lucky enough to get away with it twice."

She flinched visibly. "It was my decision to go find that bottle, to help Lu. It had nothing to do with you."

An exasperated sigh left Samuel, Carla was still on the same bullshit as before. How could she still not understand that love came with a price. Everything she did affected him, worried him, encompassed and ensnared him. Everything about her was his business, whether either of them liked it or not. He couldn't fucking help it.

"You involve yourself, you involve me."

Carla's eyes widened. "That is not how it works!"

"It's how it works for me," he bit out.

"Fuck, Samuel," she said tiredly, rubbing her temples in distress. "it's a good thing I'm leaving then."

A whoosh of air was knocked out of him, the implication of her words piercing right through him with cruelty. What was she getting at exactly? That he was so smothering and so insufferable that she was happy to get away from him, or was it something else. It didn't matter. The necessity and the reality of Carla leaving didn't need the connotation of enjoyment. He wanted her to be happy and excited, but that wasn't the case, it felt like she'd been thinking about the whole situation with more than one lens. Her decision might've been made with him in mind.

"Samuel - "

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing," she averted her eyes, gnawing at her bottom lip. "I just - I don't like that you're so ready to cross so many lines for me. That's not you, Samuel. I don't want you to risk your future. . .your life. Awful things happen to anyone close to me, Samuel, I'm always there in the middle of it all, and I don't want you there with me."

At those words, the tremble in her voice, Samuel's wounded heart broke even further. His eyes found hers, and he could feel the weight she was carrying in them. Samuel steadied himself enough to step closer to her.

He cupped her cheeks gently. "I'm there because I want to be."

"No, Samuel - "

"Carla," he cut her off gently. "Listen to me, you're not responsible for my decisions. My wanting to take that bottle from you was because I wanted to protect you. Because I'm in love with you and there's not much you can do about that, is there?" he smiled at her tenderly.

Carla's smile was forced and he could see the gears whirring in her head, and he hated it. Samuel wished he could read her mind, know what was running through it that made her so scared and apprehensive, so he could stop it.

"Carla, of all the things to overthink and worry about, this is not one of them. Please don't tell me you think that you going away is somehow good for me or for the best."

Samuel wanted Carla to be happy, he wanted her to study abroad and experience a new life on her own terms. But not like this, not if she thought, on any level, that he wanted her to leave.

"No, that's not why." Carla smiled reassuringly. "But maybe time away is good. . .for both of us."

A knife twisted in his gut, his heart protesting the idea of Carla being away from him was, in any way, good. But Samuel silenced his bruised soul, because she was right. Their relationship was attached to one horrifying event after the other, it was tainted from the start. They needed to let go and grow into something else, something better.

"Yeah, maybe."

* * *

The next day, Samuel was anxiously staring at the clock on the wall for more than one reason. Carla had left shortly after their somber conversation yesterday, she wanted to arrange a few things before leaving and needed to change out of his clothes, which Samuel had been childishly against. After thoroughly feasting on her, he'd finally let her go with the promise of seeing her again the following day.

But now Samuel was looking at the time because the video chat he'd had with his family was supposed to take place ten minutes ago. And Samuel was worried, imagining a hundred different scenarios on what could've gone wrong.

Finally the cracked screen of his old laptop lit up with a message that they were calling, Samuel eagerly accepted the call. He beamed at the faces of his mother and brother, his heart rushing with affection for them.

"Hi, honey!"

"Samu! How are you, little brother?"

"I'm good. Are you guys doing all right?"

"Yes, we're still getting used to everything," Nano said.

"Yeah, the people here are really nice and welcoming." his mother grinned.

"Good. I'm glad."

"Have you been eating well?" his mother asked typically. "You look so thin, sweetheart."

Of course she thought that, Samuel huffed, even though his heart warmed at his mother's concern.

"Yes, Mom, I'm eating well."

"Oh, Samu, I miss you so much." his mother's voice was pained and all he wanted to do was hug her.

"Listen, Samu," his brother started. "We've been talking and Mom will be coming back to Madrid soon."

"Really? What about you?"

"I can handle myself, Samu. I'll be fine."

"So will I. Mom, you agree with this?"

She smiled sadly. "All I want is for all of us to be together. But I don't know when that will happen. And Samu, I need to be with you after everything."

Samuel sighed. "Mom, I'm fine. Both of you will come back soon, okay?"

Nano sent their mother a meaningful look that made Samuel nervous as he observed their silent communication.

"Samu," his mother said abruptly. "I got you a few hoodies that you will love, I'm gonna get them right now."

After she'd left, Samuel dubiously looked at his brother. "What's wrong?"

"Samu." Nano puffed out a long breath. "I don't think - I don't know if I'd ever come back."

"Ever? I thought you just needed time to let the dust settle."

"Yes, but I told you I can't trust those cops, Samu. And I don't know if I want to come back, honestly. The memories can be too much sometimes."

Marina.

Samuel's stomach sank. "I know, trust me. But do you really mean never?"

Nano smiled. "Little brother, we'll see each other again, I promise you that. So this is not forever. I just don't think it'll be soon."

Samuel's eyes lowered with disappointment. "Okay, but Mom should stay with you, Nano."

"No, Samu, you need her. You've been through a lot, kid."

"I'm okay, I swear. You need her more, Nano,"

"Samu, don't argue with me."

"Yes, I will, I'll talk to Mom, she'll see it my way."

"I think I already got to her."

Samuel gave him half a grin. "No, she always listens to me and you know it."

"Why are you all dressed up? You going out?" Nano asked suddenly.

Samuel looked down at his attire, it wasn't necessarily nice. It was just his favorite buttoned down blue shirt. Samuel wanted to take Carla out. A first date. But then they both seemed to decide against it, they couldn't afford not being alone. As much as they both wanted to go out for dinner like Carla once had mentioned, Samuel wanted her to himself, he didn't even want to share her with strangers. So Samuel had suggested to give them their dinner date right here.

Samuel's cheeks heated. "Don't change the subject, Nano."

"I'm not, but you are right now. This is the shirt you wear when you want to impress a girl, Samu."

"What? no it's not!"

"Yes, it is. I bought it with you!"

"I really don't know what you're talking about."

Nano beamed widely. "Ooh, you little shit. There's a girl. Who's the lucky chick?"

Everything halted as Samuel was hit with the reminder of how Nano felt about Carla. He hated her. Samuel's fists curled in anger as he remembered how his brother had attacked Carla at Halloween.

"I don't really think it's any of your concern." Samuel's tone was a dead giveaway to who was the girl in question and he didn't give a shit.

Nano's expression immediately morphed into one of hatred and disgust as he caught on. "Samuel, no."

"Don't, Nano. Just don't."

"Don't what? Knock some sense into you! Samu, that girl is poisonous, she infects everything - "

"Do not talk about her like that! You have no idea who she is."

"I do actually. She's the girl who protected a murderer. Someone who killed her friend! She's a manipulative liar. She's the reason we're not together right now."

"And you have no fucking idea why she'd done all those things! She didn't want to, she had to. So stop, because I won't let you say another word about her."

"I don't need to know why! There's always a choice. Isn't that what you believe, Samu? Not when it comes to her, I assume. She's molded you into what she wants."

A ball of ire was churning inside him, his jaw ticking as he tried to rein in his rage. "What you're insinuating is disgusting. You know nothing about our relationship."

"Relationship?" Samuel could see Nano's bewilderment even through the terrible connection. "Are you kidding me? What kind of sick -"

"Shut the fuck up, Nano."

" - twisted shit is this? You can't believe - "

"I love her, all right? I'm in love with her."

Silence fell over them. Nano's face was one of disbelief and shock. "What? Samu, no you don't, she - "

"What now, you're gonna say she manipulated me into loving her? You know, you're lucky you're not here, Nano." Samuel seethed, unable to hold it in.

"Samuel, calm down - "

"But I guess you'll get what you want anyway. She's leaving. She's going away. So no worries, asshole."

Samuel's devastation was evident on his face, and Nano's features suddenly softened.

"Samuel, I'm sorry, but I don't - "

Samuel wasn't listening to this anymore.

"Tell Mom I'll call her later. We're done here."

And then Samuel slammed his laptop shut. He sighed running a frustrated hand though his hair, he tried taking calming breaths. A part of him understood where his brother was coming from, but it didn't excuse the way he talked about Carla, the way he demeaned her and belittled their relationship. He was an outsider, just like anyone who still didn't fully comprehend the nature of Samuel and Carla together. Samuel himself had a hard time figuring it out and he was a part of it. Whether it made sense or not was never the issue, they just were, they happened, and it was too good to ever question it, and Samuel was too grateful to have her, to wonder why.

Blocking out the dread that had surrounded him, Samuel jumped eagerly to add final touches for his dinner plans with Carla. She was going to be here soon and that was all he needed to focus on. Right on cue, his phone lit up with her name.

_Carla : On my way. 10 minutes._

Samuel smiled, looking at the display he'd worked all day on and nodded with satisfaction. This was as decent as he could make it. Quickly going back inside the apartment before Carla arrived, he took a hurried survey of his appearance in the mirror, his fingers anxiously fixing his hair.

He was being irrational, Carla was going to enjoy herself, they both were. No reason to be this nervous. No reason to think about the fact that this was their first and last date. No reason to think about the fact that he wouldn't get a do-over if he fucked it up. No reason to think about her departure from his life.

As thou, Carla or the universe knew that he was about to lose it, Samuel heard the soft sound of her knock.

Swallowing back the nerves, he inhaled sharply before twisting the doorknob open. Carla stood, smiling, arms crossed elegantly, looking as stunning as ever. She wore a beautiful blue dress that reached her mid thighs, it was form-fitting and accentuated her breasts.

"We're matching." she chuckled.

"Huh?" he asked absentmindedly, still dazed as his eyes drank their fill of her.

She gestured between them. "You know, Blue."

"Right. Yeah."

She fixed him with a look. "Are you gonna move so I could come inside or...?"

Samuel smiled bashfully. "Sorry, but we're actually not eating inside."

"No?"

"Come with me."

Locking his door, Samuel started ascending the stairs that led to the roof of his building, he could sense Carla's confusion as she followed behind him. Staring at the beige door in from of him, Samuel took a final deep breath before swinging it open wide.

Stepping inside first, he nervously whirled around to observe Carla's reaction, her eyes studying the scene closely.

Samuel had festooned the two walls opposite each other and the thick railing with red and orange twinkling lights. Stems and pedal of daisies and tulips garland the floor, including just a few on the table which had their dinner ready on it. The candles he lit were decorated on four stools around the table in the middle of the roof, encasing it in an atmospheric glow that created a romantic vibe, or so he hoped.

But Samuel had to give a lot of credit to mother nature in that moment, because the moon was full and so clearly visible in the night sky, it only enhanced and amplified everything else below it.

Carla hadn't said anything and Samuel was trying hard not to let it get to him. He was having a very difficult time monitoring his mouth, his lips itching to say something, justify his cheesy actions that were now embarrassing him greatly.

"I know it's dumb and very cliche and overdone. But I just thought it'd be nice."

"Samuel."

"We could just go back inside, that'd be cool."

"Samuel."

"And what's worse, I know that you'd probably had, like, a lot of guys doing this for you."

"Yeah. So it's really nice that this time actually means something."

Samuel's eyes flicked to hers and they were trapped under the fondness of her gaze, the honesty, the love. His stomach flipped tirelessly as he tried to contain the urge to envelope her in his arms and never let her leave.

"Really?"

"It's you. It means a lot," she said, approaching him slowly. "This is great, Samuel. Thank you."

The most beautiful green eyes gleamed at him and Samuel could vividly see himself looking into them for the rest of his life and it still wouldn't be enough. Swallowing the lump lodged in his throat, Samuel kissed her, trying and failing to quiet down his unattainable desires.

"What are we eating?" Carla asked, lifting a perfect brow, letting him know that she already had the answer.

He played along. "What do you think?"

"Uh - I don't know, soup and salad?"

"No."

"Well, I'm all out of guesses."

"Come along, then." he caught her hand, tugging her forward toward the table. "We're eating - drum roll, please - macaroni!"

"Wow, that is shocking."

"Come on, it's not gonna be that bad."

"I'm not complaining, you're the chef."

"I am, and that's why this is not reheated."

Carla eyed him suspiciously. "Really?"

"Yep. Freshly made and very delicious."

"I'll be judge of that."

"Of course," Samuel smiled, gesturing to another pan on the table. "I also cooked us some healthy chicken."

"Healthy Chicken?"

"Only boiled with minimum salt, princess."

Carla rolled her eyes. "You're an idiot."

Samuel watched as Carla's fork found her mouth, her eyes widened a little, a surprised grin pulling at her lips.

"So what's the verdict?"

"Mmm, definitely surpassed my expectations."

"I Told you, next time you'll be amazed. I was right." Samuel couldn't stop smiling.

"Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say amazed," she teased.

"You're blown away and you know it."

"Blown away, am I?

"Yep. Now try the chicken."

She shook her head in amusement, grabbing a piece of chicken and taking a very small bite.

"Oh, Samuel." she grimaced.

"That bad?"

"You should stick to macaroni, which by the way, you still need to work on."

"It can't be that bad," Samuel defended, gulping down a bite of the boiled chicken himself. Oh. Oh, no, that did not taste right.

Samuel still managed to keep the cringe off of his face. "See? Delicious, went right down," he said with a short cough.

Carla cocked her head to the side. "Really? So no need to throw it back up?"

"Nope," he said, clearing his throat. "Best chicken I've ever had."

"Samuel, I'm pretty sure there's still blood in it."

"No, there's not," he said, examining the piece of chicken in front of him closely. "That's just sauce."

Carla laughed. "What sauce? You didn't use any!"

"You know, the natural sauce of chicken!"

Carla laughed harder and Samuel let his own joy out to join hers as they both guffawed over the atrocity before them.

"Okay, sorry, this is just horrible."

"It is. And don't be sorry, macaroni is all we need anyway," she said, eating another fork of said food with a smile.

A tingling sensation erupted all over his skin. "Yeah, should've known that nothing beats macaroni."

Carla regarded him thoughtfully. "You genuinely love it, don't you? It's like, your favorite food. You eat it all the time, you even bring it to school."

"I mean, yeah," he said, scratching his chin. "I think it's always been my favorite."

"Can I ask when did the love affair start?"

Samuel chuckled. "Uh, early childhood. I think it's because of my mom, she's not the best cook, but she always knew how to make a mean macaroni. That was what she'd always made for me and Nano when we were kids, and we used to hate it at the time.

"But then we learned to appreciate it. Mom was doing her best and at one point she worked two jobs to support us and had almost no time to do anything else for us. But she'd always made time to make macaroni and leave it in the fridge for us. Hence, why I actually love it reheated."

Samuel paused, smiling. "It's nostalgia, really. Whenever I eat it I just feel like I'm home, and I'm always transported back to all the times I came home after school and she wasn't there and it sucked, but then I'd find her macaroni in the fridge. She was thinking of me and that was enough, it made me feel loved."

Samuel stopped when he realized he was babbling, glancing at Carla out of the corner of his eyes shyly, to find that hers were glistening with tears.

"I'm sorry, Samuel."

"For what?"

"It's my fault they're not here."

"Carla, don't start that."

"You'd be together right now, if I had just stuck by the truth and testified."

Samuel sighed, hating the direction the conversation was headed, Nano's words still ringing in his ears. "Carla, you were protecting your family."

"And I shouldn't have. They were wrong. I was wrong. None of this would've happened, Samuel. Do you realize that?"

"Carla, they couldn't even find the murder weapon, your testimony probably wouldn't have mattered anyway."

Carla rose from her chair and Samuel instantly followed as she briskly walked to the railing overlooking the street.

"I shouldn't have lied, Samuel. A lot of things would probably be different right now. Your brother would be free and your family would be put back together. Polo would probably be in prison and not dead." she nearly chocked out the words.

Samuel couldn't handle the pain in her voice, his hand squeezing her shoulder and turning her to face him. Her eyes were haunted with guilt and sorrow, and Samuel was willing to do anything to never see that look in her eyes again.

"Carla, please don't. You'll drive yourself crazy thinking like that. It's done. It's over. What ifs could destroy you if you let them. Okay, you did what you had to - "

"God, Samuel," she interjected with agitation. "Don't excuse me. Don't make it seem like your life wasn't wrecked because of me. From the fucking start. I knew who did it while your brother rotted in jail."

"Jesus, Carla. Stop." why was she doing this? Samuel's lungs filled with anxiety as she spat out her burdens.

"No, Samuel, you stop. And just accept the truth of what I'd done. You should hate me."

"I don't." Samuel gritted his teeth. "I could never hate you. How can you say that to me? After everything."

"Samuel -"

"Enough, Carla. Whatever you wanna say, I don't care. That's always been my problem with you, I just don't care."

She gaped at him. "What?"

"I know, Carla. You don't need to tell me, I fucking know. You don't have to recite the details of every bad thing you'd done. I know and I obviously don't care. I've never cared."

Before she could open her mouth to respond, his palms grasped her cheeks, forcing her to look into his eyes. "It won't change the way I feel about you. Nothing can."

"That doesn't mean you excuse it."

"I'm not excusing it. I'm saying that I understand, that I know you were scared and you did what you were forced into thinking was the best for your family, you were protecting them, and yes I hated it. But there's this really delightful concept called empathy."

"No, Samuel -"

"Shut up," he interrupted impatiently, capturing her lips.

"Samuel." she breathed against his lips. "Please just let me say sorry, don't tell me you understand or it's all right. Just let me apologize, okay?"

He smiled softly. "Okay."

She drew in a long breath. "I'm sorry, Samuel. I'm so sorry."

"I know, Carla. I'm sorry too."

The atmosphere shifted. Everything suddenly felt final. An end. This was what it was.

Samuel's chest thudded with sadness, because they were ending a chapter of their story. And the only problem was, there were no new chapters on the horizon, no new beginnings for them. It seemed they'd reached the last chapter of the book. 

* * *

Her blond locks flailed around her in waves as he twirled her back into his chest. The soft sound of the smooth, groovy guitar travelling to their ears as they swayed to it in the middle of his bedroom.

Samuel was immensely enjoying dancing with the definition of beauty in front of him, if he could, he'd dance with her until they dug his grave. But his heart knew he was delaying the sex part of their evening, because Samuel knew it was the last time, felt it in his bones. She felt it too.

Samuel couldn't look away from her, he never could, but tonight there was a fearful tick in the way his eyes followed her. And he tried to keep it at bay and focus on the good. The moment, this moment, she was right in front of him and his eyes were hungrily snapping mental images to store in his memories. It was disorienting to think about a future where he was going to look back at this moment and what, smile, feel sad, nostalgic?

"What was your very first impression of me?"

Her question startled him back into focus. "Uh, I didn't really know you enough to form an impression."

She wound her arms around his neck. "I know that. I just meant, from afar, before you got to peek behind the curtain, what did you think of me?"

Hot, rich, spoiled, reckless. But beyond that, Samuel didn't pay much attention to her until after Marina's death.

"Don't do that. Tell me what you're thinking."

"Do you really wanna know?"

"Absolutely. I know it's not good."

"Fine. I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

Carla smiled. "Easy. First time I saw you, I thought you were quite handsome, in a broody sort of way."

"Really?" his arms pulled her closer.

"Yeah, but honestly I forgot about you pretty quickly after that."

"Hey!"

She laughed, shrugging. "It's the truth."

Samuel rolled his eyes. "Well, same here. First time I saw you, the usual things ran through my mind, gorgeous and rich."

"Hmm, and you didn't like Christian being with Polo and I."

He paused, she said it with conviction and Samuel remembered the few times they'd all fought with Christian about the company he'd kept with Polo and Carla.

Samuel's eyes lowered. "That doesn't count as first impression, though." he tried feebly.

She half-grinned. "I get it. We had an unhealthy arrangement, the three of us."

Samuel felt a bile rise in his throat, irrational jealousy inflaming his stomach as he remembered Carla's past affairs.

"I don't want to talk about that," he said sternly, his lips enveloping hers roughly.

"Noted," she said after drawing back. "how about the first time you decided to get close to me. What were your thoughts of me then?"

"Carla, you know what I thought."

"No, no," her hypnotic gaze speared him, her voice turning husky. "The inner bad thoughts, handsome, the ones that made you kiss me."

His attraction to her. His fascination. Samuel gulped.

"I was equally enraged and enthralled by you," he said gravelly.

She hummed airily, sending a tingle down his spine. "Go on."

"As you know, I looked through your Instagram. And I found myself staring at your pictures - a lot."

Her eyes twinkled mischievously, smirking. "A lot? Like, when you pleasure yourself?"

That earned her a nip on the hip. "Maybe." he grinned, his cheeks burning.

"Samuel!" She laughed loudly. "hmm, Interesting."

"Do you want me to continue or not?"

"Sorry, carry on."

He sighed. "And then at the funeral, you were trying to look unaffected. But I could see the guilt and sadness in your eyes."

"Yeah? You didn't even know me."

His lips curled in remembrance. "You said that then, too. But for some reason, I could just see you - feel you."

Carla's nose brushed his cheek, her breath fanning over him, and his skin fluttered. "And then we went for drinks, and you were so straight forward with your questions."

"Well, you're too smart for that shit, we'd never really talked before, so I just cut to the chase."

Her mouth skated over his jaw, purposely avoiding his lips, and Samuel wanted to moan in frustration. "And then the kiss. Why did you kiss me?"

"Don't act like you weren't seducing me, Carla," he told her breathlessly, bunching her dress in his hands, and holding her close, something stuttering in his chest.

"Hmm, maybe I was," she murmured into his ear, taking his earlobe into her mouth and sucking. A shock-wave of desire shot up his insides. "So I distracted you and it worked. Was that it?"

No, that wasn't it. There had been an animalistic urge, something he'd never felt before. It was gravitational, a burning curiosity that had needed to be fed.

The titillating melody in the background throbbed in his system, making everything more lustrous. His breathing was ragged and panting, and fuck, he wanted to fuck her right now.

"I'd never been so forward, I was always a mess when it came to the opposite sex. I'd never done something like that, But something about you... just brought it out of me. And you were so close, I could feel you pressed against me. So beautiful, so _sinful_."

He paused to exhale, his voice hoarse with arousal, Carla's lips now above his. "I - I had to kiss you. It was this confusing mix of anger and desire, I needed to taste y- "

Samuel was silenced by her trembling lips. The tension swelling and magnifying and they moved slowly within it, absorbing it in sync and harmony. Despite Samuel's fears of the aftermath, he managed to shut it down, so he could drown himself in her.

Their lips hardly edged away from each other, they kept finding the other, kissing hard and long.

Samuel pulled back only slightly, so his eyes could appraise her fully, his breath hitching from the explosive want within him, he could barely breathe from the ache to have her. His fingers pried under the hem of her short dress, wanting nothing but to reach her most intimate part.

But Samuel was going to take his time, his hands sliding back up her body, till they were fondling her breasts and causing Carla to let out a sexy moan, further hardening his already very stiff length. Carla was a sensual lover, but she was also a controlled one, quiet and collected, always leaving you wanting more. Samuel prided himself in making her vocal during sex, he took it as a challenge to elicit such arousing sounds from her, he wore it like a badge of honor. And tonight he was hoping to make her scream.

They helped each other removing their clothes, shoving the unwanted garments off. Samuel softly guided her back on the bed, lying flat over her and crushing their mouths together. Curving his arm around her waist, Samuel brought her closer, his lips leaving hers to descend down her heavenly skin, sponging open mouthed kisses all over her. His mouth finally covering her breast, sucking the sensitive area greedily.

"Samuel."

Her breathy gasp jolted him to the core, his heart was racing dangerously, experiencing all too much. His mouth continued appreciating the magical creature under him, kissing along her skin. Worshipingly, he trailed down the valley of her breasts, licking and biting his way to her navel. Samuel was on fire as he gazed at her, his lips grazing her thighs as he grabbed onto the underside to spread them apart and teasing her with feather kisses.

Reaching her dripping heat, Samuel inhaled deeply, relishing her sweet scent; before burying himself in it, his tongue flattened against her folds and dragged up and down in a sluggish manner, causing Carl's back to arch off the bed with a groan.

Samuel felt a desperate need in the pit of his stomach, a need that would never be sated, his love for the woman before him scorching his skin. His tongue flicked her sensitive clit, swirling around it before devouring it in his mouth, slowly he let a finger find her opening and curl inside, hitting that spot.

"Ah, fuck."

Carla's hand tangled in Samuel's hair, tugging at his head urgently, Samuel's heart rate accelerated as he hummed against her center eagerly. A second finger joined the first, as his mouth worked on her joyfully. He licked and sucked and fingered to his heart's content, possessed by a heady strong need to drive her closer and faster to the edge. Samuel was beyond aroused from her taste, the sounds she was making, that he almost felt like he was about to lose control without even touching himself.

Samuel glanced up as Carla bucked her hips, eyes closed as his tongue and fingers pushed her off the cliff. Starting to squirm on the bed, her pussy tightened around his fingers, surrendering to her pleasure with a sob of release.

Samuel gently moved his way back over her body, pecking her flushed skin lightly. They were both breathless as she tilted her head once he reached her face, seeking his lips, her kiss tasted sweet and loving. Her palm tenderly caressed his cheek, Samuel leaning into her warm touch.

He grasped the back of her knees, and held his breath. The moment felt delicate, precious and almost fragile, her gaze encompassing his heart and mind and soul completely and irrevocably. Their mouths hovered, sharing shaky breaths as he entered her slowly.

His eyes closed at the euphoric sensation, oxygen leaving both of them entirely, as he sank deeper and deeper until she was filled to the brink, and then he stopped, savoring that overwhelming, indescribable satisfaction.

"God, Carla," he groaned, easing himself all the way out, then thrusting back in harshly. Carla moaned loudly, closing her eyes as she met his hips. And with one upward thrust and maneuver of her hips, Carla impelled Samuel on his back.

His eyes hot, raw, and dark with carnality as he stared at her. Her hair wild and untamed around her shoulders, the dim lighting of the room casting a dizzying glow on every curve of her body, and his mouth hung open in awe. Up and down his cock, she fucked him, her breasts bouncing. And Samuel was entranced, captivated, owned, as she rode him into oblivion.

With a guttural, throaty growl, Samuel sat up, clutching her waist, his mouth attacking a pebbled nipple, eliciting a loud moan from Carla, and he felt it all the way down to his toes. One swift move from him and she was on her back again, he grabbed onto her ankles, plunging in deeper, feeling her muscles clench and contract around him.

"Fuck, Carla, you - you're everything," he rasped, his voice almost unrecognizable, rocking in and out of her, and grinding his teeth as a high-pitched cry escaped Carla's lips.

Everything was in overdrive, causing tremors to travel over both of them almost painfully. His eyes were unable to leave her face, frantically tracing and memorizing every single inch of her features.

Samuel ground himself harder into her, kneading her breast harshly before swallowing her gasp into his mouth, his lips sucking hers ravenously. Every memory they'd ever shared was in the forefront of his mind, brutalizing his emotions into a sweeping, vast field that held nothing but him and Carla. Their love, their passion, their bond. They were ineffable and frightening, and Samuel had no idea how the fuck was he going to live Without her.

Carla broke away from his lips with a moan, and Samuel took pleasure in showering her neck with wet, needy kisses. She drove him insane, running her hands up and down his back and onto his ass, urging him deeper.

"Oh, Samuel," she breathed into his neck, before taking the flesh into her mouth. Samuel clasped the back of her head, needing her mouth back on his as his hips quickened, picking up speed feverishly.

"I love you so much," his voice was devoted and raw against her lips, Her nails digging into the nape of his neck deliciously as she returned his faithful confession.

He couldn't hold back any longer, he tried so hard to make this last, to stop time. But Samuel couldn't stop time and they were both falling rapidly. Their mouths gaping and meeting sloppily, messily, as they pummeled toward a blissful abyss. It crashed onto both of them mercilessly, both moaning loudly as waves upon waves of ecstasy whirled and shook their worlds apart.

Their eyes shut, arms clutching each other desperately, their lips restlessly moving and that was when it dawned on Samuel, the silent tears that had dampened their cheeks. But nothing was said, they just held on.

And the night carried on with their bodies attached, whispering declarations of love and promise as they lost themselves in each other over and over again.

* * *

They'd come to a silent agreement that he wouldn't be escorting her to the airport. Carla was going home to take care of a few final details before she was off, and then she would be gone. Samuel wouldn't be able to see her tomorrow. He didn't know when he was going to see her again. If he was ever going to see her again.

One day, maybe. Someday in the far future.

Ah, one days and somedays. Such consoling, yet disquieting abstractions. Someday - it gave Samuel such contradicting thoughts, it was naive, but comforting in a way that made him not as sad. But it didn't change anything. Because that day was not today, it wasn't tomorrow or next month or next year. That day was an unknown, unsolvable variable, and it was going to taunt his every waking and sleeping moment.

Carla was adorning his entryway, her eyes quiet and disconnected, he would've commented on it, if he weren't sure that his eyes held the same distance. Samuel didn't want their last few minutes to be spent like this - uneasy and uncaring. Samuel still felt it pulsing within him, the need to protect himself from this non-stop emotional hell, and he could see it in Carla too. They stood there, both trying to make their goodbye less painful, less Important. Less life-altering.

They'd also come to another unspoken understanding. They weren't gonna say it. They hadn't uttered those three words since they had been intertwined and consumed by each other for the last time.

The thought of not touching her again was enough to make Samuel crumble in front of her. But he didn't, he couldn't. Instead he smiled softly, edging his body slightly nearer to hers, afraid to close anymore inches between them, her proximity always a danger to his self-control.

"I don't know what to say," he said quietly. _How do I say goodbye to you? I wish you could stay, please stay, there's so much we could be._

"What to say?" she sighed, lips pursed in consideration. "see you later. . .no, too casual, right?"

Her weak attempt at lightening the mood fell flat and tense.

"Yeah. maybe we could go with see you soon. Nah, too unrealistic, right?"

There was a slight edge to his voice that Samuel didn't like, that he didn't want Carla to hear. Fuck, he had to be stronger than this. Carla was about to embark on her own path, finding herself without all the toxicity that had been in her life. She was going to university like any other fortunate human being. It was expected, it was normal and Samuel was happy for her.

"Yes, a little." she sent him half a smile, nerves present in her tone. "How about - will you visit?"

Samuel had been first in asking her that. Because he was desperate for a sprinkle of hope. he wanted to be able to pretend that they could have a long-distance thing, that maybe they could fly out every month to each other. But Samuel knew that was hardly an option, he didn't have the money, he didn't even have a passport yet, he couldn't travel over to be with his family. Visiting Carla was a pipe dream.

"Will you?" was his dodgy reply. Because if there were any chance he got to see Carla sooner than he believed, it was her visiting him.

Something in her eyes told him, she could read his train of thoughts. Her lips curled in wistful smile. "Of course. After all, Madrid is my home, I'll miss it too much not to."

Her words suspended in the air, neither of them saying anything for a while, giving Samuel time to breathe. Carla was about to walk out his door forever, for all he knew. And anxiety pooled in his stomach so tight, he could throw up. She was about to leave.

Samuel was so caught up in his thoughts, he didn't notice that Carla had moved much closer to him, until her scent wafted its way around him, blanketing him in its warmth.

Samuel was drowning as his eyes linked with hers, her palm darting up to caress his cheek. For the first time since it had all started with Carla, Samuel didn't want her to kiss him. Because he knew for a fact he'd break down, and he wouldn't be able to bring himself to let her go. Samuel was barely holding himself together, if he got to taste her again now, he wouldn't be able to stop.

As though she knew, Carla very gingerly brushed her lips on his forehead, triggering Samuel's breath to shorten as she rested her mouth there for a minute; before finally moving her forehead to settle against his own.

"How about I say this." she paused, so close to his mouth, he felt his fists clench, trying to curb his need to diminish the distance between their lips. "When we see each other again, I hope we're both in a better place in our lives, I hope you'll be with your family, finally at peace, living your life to the fullest as Madrid's most successful justice-warrior lawyer."

Samuel chuckled softly, his heart constricting painfully at the picture she painted, because she wasn't in it. "doesn't sound too bad."

"No, it doesn't," she replied gently, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

"And I hope," Samuel started, his voice weak and strained and woeful. "If we see each other - whenever we find each other again - I hope I find you happy."

"I hope I find you happy too."

Samuel didn't know if they were just words they were saying to each other to make it somehow easier. Because he only wanted to be happy with her. But his mouth remained shut as he tried to absorb these last minutes with her.

Samuel's fists finally gave up the fight, unclenching and roughly yanking Carla to him, his head buried in her neck trying to inject her scent into his veins. Their arms wrapping around each other so tightly, it felt like they were never letting go.

After a minute or an hour, Samuel didn't know nor did he care. Carla began to pull back and his arms instinctively tightened around her, trying to keep her just a little longer. But thankfully he shook himself out of it and released her slowly. They stared at each other, both of their eyes holding back tears, mouths not saying anything. No more words were needed.

Carla nodded her head slightly, as if to say 'this is it'. And then light as a feather, she floated to his front door, turning the knob, swinging it open. She stopped. Samuel was silently begging her to say it - say something, but his head was screaming at her simultaneously to just go and spare him the additional pain.

And Carla listened to it, without one more word or one more glance, she was gone.

The light click of the door shutting after her, thundered through his body viciously, making Samuel gasp loudly as he finally let the tears stream silently.

"Fuck," he whispered brokenly to the hauntingly empty house. Samuel felt a sudden sharp need for his mother, wanting her to wrap him up in her arms, to reassure him that he was going to be okay, it was all going to pass. He needed his mother so badly and she wasn't here.

No one was here.

Samuel angrily wiped at his tears. Anger. He welcomed the familiar emotion, it was better than this hollowing sadness that was threatening to take over him and never leave.

Plopping down on the couch, he grabbed his phone, only to find it open on one of the pictures they had taken together in the last few days. With his heart in his throat, Samuel sifted through them and before he knew it, he was sitting there browsing through the images again and again.

He was so fucking tired of losing her.

He stopped on one particular picture, where both of them happened to be looking at each other and not the camera, he remembered taking that picture vividly, his arm outstretched, smiling, turning to Carla to find her looking back at him. So lovingly, it took his breath away. And Samuel was lost, he could see it now in this picture, all over his face, how Carla had complete ownership of his heart - of his entire being.

They never had the chance to actually be together. That was what hurt the most, what could've been. They fell hard and fast and unexpected. They loved each other but they never had time to explore it, enjoy it, savor it.

Was it better to have loved and lost or to never have loved at all? 

Well, Samuel knew one thing with unshakable and absolute certainty, he could never, would never, regret what he'd had with Carla. The memories were irreplaceable and untouchable and they were his. She had been his, for however short amount of time, Carla had been his and Samuel had been hers. And losing her might never stop hurting, but Samuel wouldn't trade what they had for the world.

Was there destiny and fate? If Marina hadn't died would they have even found each other? Samuel couldn't think of a world where he didn't love her. Even if the events of their lives had been different, someway and somehow, they would've been brought together.

And they had found each other, so maybe they could again.

An alternate universe. A different reality and future, maybe they'd had made it. Or maybe even this universe, this future, they could one day have each other again.

Silly and stupid thoughts. But in that moment, Samuel needed them to survive. He needed to believe in these notions, even if just to stifle his anguish and despair, and save his currently lost soul. So he let them in to flicker life back into his heart. It was naive and a little pathetic, but maybe, just maybe, there was a time, in this life or another, in which they could reunite.

Because Samuel had always felt it, and even in his heartbroken, cynical state, he could still feel it.

They were inevitable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, It's over! I hope you liked it!
> 
> And 3k hits! That number may seem low to a lot of people, but not to me! Thank you so much!  
> Thank you so much to anyone who's ever given this fic any kind of support, reading, or giving kudos, or bookmarking. And thank you so much to the people who commented and consistently gave feedback and took the time to write something, you kept me going. I hope you know how much it means to me, you're the best!
> 
> Once again, thank you all so much and please stay safe!


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